[lit-ideas] Sunday Story

  • From: David Ritchie <ritchierd@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Sun, 20 Mar 2011 13:47:10 -0700

The Golden Wienie is the burden of all who are elected president of the 
Columbia History of Science Society.  The Columbia History of Science Society 
is a gathering of professional historians and grad students.  It meets every 
year at the University of Washington's Marine Science Labs on Friday Harbor in 
the San Juan Islands.  This site is near two forts that were built for the 
prosecution of the Pig War, a dispute between the U.S. and Great Britain.  In 
that war the American Camp was commanded first by Roberts, who later wrote 
Roberts' Rules of Order, and then by Pickett, who commanded the charge that is 
sometimes called the "high water mark of the Confederacy."  During the Pig War 
the only casualty was one pig.  

The Golden Wienie is an honor I hope to avoid.  It commemorates Milo, the man 
who catered the group's first meeting, twenty nine years ago.  Milo imagined 
that historians prefer their food to be old, so he served military surplus 
wienies, peas from a similar source, sponge cake with canned strawberries.  To 
keep Milo's memory alive, the Columbia History of Science Group's founder rises 
each year at the end of the "black tie optional banquet"--in twenty or more 
years of going, I have seen but one black tie--to re-tell for the assembled 
academics the tale of Milo's dinner.  Each year the tale is the same and yet 
different.  Every year he manages to be funny.  This is quite a feat.

Next, I stand up and read a poem or two.  This is also a tradition.  This 
year's choices were McGonagall's, Tay Whale, and "Praises," by Alan Jackson.  
The latter begins, "Let us praise the condition of the onion: the onion does 
not drive the motor car/the onion does not go to the place of work/the onion 
does not enter into union with unpredictable creatures".  I wish I could find 
it for you.

David Ritchie,
Portland, Oregon  


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