[lit-ideas] Re: Sunday Something
- From: Mike Geary <jejunejesuit.geary2@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sun, 22 Mar 2015 21:27:37 -0500
I agree.
On Sun, Mar 22, 2015 at 9:27 PM, Mike Geary <jejunejesuit.geary2@xxxxxxxxx>
wrote:
> I agree.
>
> On Sun, Mar 22, 2015 at 2:31 PM, Omar Kusturica <omarkusto@xxxxxxxxx>
> wrote:
>
>> In the wee hours, as it were, I find the trick to having a pee is keeping
>> one's eyes shut.
>>
>> *There is a Montenegrian joke which I am not sure how to tell here, but
>> perhaps this would convey the general idea:
>>
>> 1. The ancient custom orders us never again to look at someone who
>> betrayed us once, and never again to shake hands with them
>>
>> 2. There are men who, for possibly related reasons, urinate with their
>> eyes shut and their hands on their back.
>>
>> Something like that...
>>
>> O.K.
>>
>> On Sun, Mar 22, 2015 at 6:52 PM, David Ritchie <profdritchie@xxxxxxxxx>
>> wrote:
>>
>>> In the wee hours, as it were, I find the trick to having a pee is
>>> keeping one's eyes shut. I try to sleep through the entire process,
>>> relying on touch for guidance. I was following protocol thus. Having
>>> located the bowl, I'm getting ready to let go stream, when this half
>>> thought comes to me, "The toilet seems fuller than it should be somehow..."
>>> I open my eyes and squint through the dark. Off go mental klaxons,
>>> "Achtung, stopper das chopper." The bowl is stuffed with supping cat. He
>>> looks round. "What?" As if he owned the house.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> To treat liminality my friend recommends Chiropractic of the Mind, out
>>> by Bend.
>>>
>>> Of course the stretch of yoga or Tai Chi
>>>
>>> followed by a nice dish of chamomile tea
>>>
>>> is fine for quotidian need,
>>>
>>> but from time to time
>>>
>>> a period of desert tranquility,
>>>
>>> forty days and nights of empty gazing
>>>
>>> ended by a short, sharp, "crack..."
>>>
>>> like the noise made by a burning bush…
>>>
>>> that’s the speed.
>>>
>>> When you come to your senses,
>>>
>>> you’ll be right there,
>>>
>>> thoroughly prepared to prophet.
>>>
>>> It’s not covered by insurance
>>>
>>> and you could probably get the same thing for free at Burning Man,
>>>
>>> but look online
>>>
>>> under "adjustment."
>>>
>>> If you tell them I sent you, they may waive the initiation fee.
>>>
>>>
>>> Appenzeller turned broody this week. I asked her what gave her the idea
>>> that eggs might be worth sitting on?
>>> "Well," she explained, "a notion popped into my head that possession is
>>> nine tenths of the law. My idea is that if anyone pops a gold one, she who
>>> sits on the nest is most likely to be able to claim ownership."
>>> "It's not going to happen."
>>> "Can you suggest a better use of my time?"
>>> "People do say that survival is a matter of keeping fit."
>>> "I eat a varied diet."
>>> "I'm sure you do but is it enough?"
>>> "Immortality is not the goal. Being rich is."
>>> "What does ownership of a golden egg mean exactly?"
>>> "The point of being rich is to have something others do not. When a god
>>> distributes bread, is it hunger that drives us to scrabble and fight? Of
>>> course not. What we want is to have more than anyone else."
>>> "But at night you all sleep on the same pole; you all eat out of the
>>> same aluminum feeder; you all drink from the same water device."
>>> "A golden egg would make a lot of difference?"
>>> "Particularly if I wasn't the one who laid it."
>>> "That would make ownership better?"
>>> "Abso-bloody-lutely."
>>>
>>>
>>> Mimo asked, "What was she like, this eagle of whom you speak?"
>>> "I've no idea whether it was a he or a she."
>>> "You can't tell the sex of a bird? Ladies, listen...the god's not good
>>> at sex!"
>>> They were amazed, "Whaaaaat?"
>>> Mimo elaborated, "Can't tell a male eagle from a female!"
>>> Peccorino, "'strawdinry."
>>> Rocky, "Shall we give lessons in how to recognize a rooster?"
>>> Cheddar appeared to have forgotten, "We've never seen one."
>>> Rocky, "Have too. Don't you remember the bugger?"
>>> Cheddar, "Memories are like eggs; only some are worth sitting on."
>>> Mimo, "Good riddance."
>>> I offered, "... speaking of sex!"
>>> Appenzeller joined in, "Jumping on your back when you're having a quiet
>>> stroll? Bloody animal he was."
>>> Cheddar, "You can't exist outside Nature. It's the Law. Wensleydale
>>> said so."
>>> Rocky asked, "Where is she, by the way?"
>>> Cheddar, "She's joined the choir invisible."
>>> Mimo, "The what?"
>>> Cheddar repeated, "The choir insivisble."
>>> Appenzeller, "Cart before the horse, that is. The invisible choir."
>>> Cheddar, "Sounds better the way I said it."
>>> Rocky, "Does not."
>>> Cheddar, "Does too."
>>> Mimo, "We were discussing eagles."
>>> Rocky, "Don't like the sound of them."
>>> Cheddar, "Except in golf."
>>> Mimo, "In what?"
>>> Cheddar, "You remember golf? You kick an egg out of the coop? Tee to
>>> green."
>>> Appenzeller, "All those in favor of keeping eggs inside the coop."
>>> Rocky, "What if they're gold? Where should such an egg be kept?"
>>> I offered, "In a bunker?"
>>> "Good idea. We should practice," Cheddar suggested, "so that when the
>>> golden egg does arrive, we can golf it into the bunker."
>>> Peccorino, "What do eagles eat?"
>>> My mind was working on how to dissuade them from taking up golf, "Oh, I
>>> don't know, cornflakes probably..."
>>> Rocky nodded, "Very sound. We should invite an eagle over."
>>> "No."
>>> "No what?"
>>> "I don't think you should."
>>> "Why?"
>>> I lifted their food bucket and gave it a shake, "They're hot stuff in
>>> golf."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> David Ritchie,
>>> Portland, Oregon
>>>
>>
>>
>
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