[lit-ideas] Re: Sunday Something
- From: Mike Geary <jejunejesuit.geary2@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sun, 22 Mar 2015 21:27:07 -0500
I agree.
On Sun, Mar 22, 2015 at 2:31 PM, Omar Kusturica <omarkusto@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
> In the wee hours, as it were, I find the trick to having a pee is keeping
> one's eyes shut.
>
> *There is a Montenegrian joke which I am not sure how to tell here, but
> perhaps this would convey the general idea:
>
> 1. The ancient custom orders us never again to look at someone who
> betrayed us once, and never again to shake hands with them
>
> 2. There are men who, for possibly related reasons, urinate with their
> eyes shut and their hands on their back.
>
> Something like that...
>
> O.K.
>
> On Sun, Mar 22, 2015 at 6:52 PM, David Ritchie <profdritchie@xxxxxxxxx>
> wrote:
>
>> In the wee hours, as it were, I find the trick to having a pee is keeping
>> one's eyes shut. I try to sleep through the entire process, relying on
>> touch for guidance. I was following protocol thus. Having located the
>> bowl, I'm getting ready to let go stream, when this half thought comes to
>> me, "The toilet seems fuller than it should be somehow..." I open my eyes
>> and squint through the dark. Off go mental klaxons, "Achtung, stopper das
>> chopper." The bowl is stuffed with supping cat. He looks round. "What?"
>> As if he owned the house.
>>
>>
>>
>> To treat liminality my friend recommends Chiropractic of the Mind, out by
>> Bend.
>>
>> Of course the stretch of yoga or Tai Chi
>>
>> followed by a nice dish of chamomile tea
>>
>> is fine for quotidian need,
>>
>> but from time to time
>>
>> a period of desert tranquility,
>>
>> forty days and nights of empty gazing
>>
>> ended by a short, sharp, "crack..."
>>
>> like the noise made by a burning bush…
>>
>> that’s the speed.
>>
>> When you come to your senses,
>>
>> you’ll be right there,
>>
>> thoroughly prepared to prophet.
>>
>> It’s not covered by insurance
>>
>> and you could probably get the same thing for free at Burning Man,
>>
>> but look online
>>
>> under "adjustment."
>>
>> If you tell them I sent you, they may waive the initiation fee.
>>
>>
>> Appenzeller turned broody this week. I asked her what gave her the idea
>> that eggs might be worth sitting on?
>> "Well," she explained, "a notion popped into my head that possession is
>> nine tenths of the law. My idea is that if anyone pops a gold one, she who
>> sits on the nest is most likely to be able to claim ownership."
>> "It's not going to happen."
>> "Can you suggest a better use of my time?"
>> "People do say that survival is a matter of keeping fit."
>> "I eat a varied diet."
>> "I'm sure you do but is it enough?"
>> "Immortality is not the goal. Being rich is."
>> "What does ownership of a golden egg mean exactly?"
>> "The point of being rich is to have something others do not. When a god
>> distributes bread, is it hunger that drives us to scrabble and fight? Of
>> course not. What we want is to have more than anyone else."
>> "But at night you all sleep on the same pole; you all eat out of the same
>> aluminum feeder; you all drink from the same water device."
>> "A golden egg would make a lot of difference?"
>> "Particularly if I wasn't the one who laid it."
>> "That would make ownership better?"
>> "Abso-bloody-lutely."
>>
>>
>> Mimo asked, "What was she like, this eagle of whom you speak?"
>> "I've no idea whether it was a he or a she."
>> "You can't tell the sex of a bird? Ladies, listen...the god's not good
>> at sex!"
>> They were amazed, "Whaaaaat?"
>> Mimo elaborated, "Can't tell a male eagle from a female!"
>> Peccorino, "'strawdinry."
>> Rocky, "Shall we give lessons in how to recognize a rooster?"
>> Cheddar appeared to have forgotten, "We've never seen one."
>> Rocky, "Have too. Don't you remember the bugger?"
>> Cheddar, "Memories are like eggs; only some are worth sitting on."
>> Mimo, "Good riddance."
>> I offered, "... speaking of sex!"
>> Appenzeller joined in, "Jumping on your back when you're having a quiet
>> stroll? Bloody animal he was."
>> Cheddar, "You can't exist outside Nature. It's the Law. Wensleydale
>> said so."
>> Rocky asked, "Where is she, by the way?"
>> Cheddar, "She's joined the choir invisible."
>> Mimo, "The what?"
>> Cheddar repeated, "The choir insivisble."
>> Appenzeller, "Cart before the horse, that is. The invisible choir."
>> Cheddar, "Sounds better the way I said it."
>> Rocky, "Does not."
>> Cheddar, "Does too."
>> Mimo, "We were discussing eagles."
>> Rocky, "Don't like the sound of them."
>> Cheddar, "Except in golf."
>> Mimo, "In what?"
>> Cheddar, "You remember golf? You kick an egg out of the coop? Tee to
>> green."
>> Appenzeller, "All those in favor of keeping eggs inside the coop."
>> Rocky, "What if they're gold? Where should such an egg be kept?"
>> I offered, "In a bunker?"
>> "Good idea. We should practice," Cheddar suggested, "so that when the
>> golden egg does arrive, we can golf it into the bunker."
>> Peccorino, "What do eagles eat?"
>> My mind was working on how to dissuade them from taking up golf, "Oh, I
>> don't know, cornflakes probably..."
>> Rocky nodded, "Very sound. We should invite an eagle over."
>> "No."
>> "No what?"
>> "I don't think you should."
>> "Why?"
>> I lifted their food bucket and gave it a shake, "They're hot stuff in
>> golf."
>>
>>
>>
>> David Ritchie,
>> Portland, Oregon
>>
>
>
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