[lit-ideas] Re: Stand Close to Me

  • From: Andy Amago <aamago@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Sun, 28 Jan 2007 23:47:36 -0500 (GMT-05:00)

Maturity comes from a sense of safety in childhood.  Children who don't feel 
safe (are beaten, abused in any form, including and especially sexually) who 
are scared all the time, cannot grow up emotionally.  They become frozen at the 
time of the trauma, whatever the age.  Their bodies grow and their cognitive 
ability grows, but emotionally they're stuck at the age of the trauma, even if 
it's passive trauma.  

That's why cultures that accept A Boy Named Sue mentality (which is most of the 
world), who hit their children and don't allow them safety and appropriate 
space, who spend their time brainwashing kids how lousy and inferior their 
mothers are (in women-hating societies) or how lousy fathers are (women who are 
hated will pass along a lot of hatred too), those children live in a world that 
has no stability or safety.  Likewise children who grow up in families that 
focus on hatred of races.  They're focusing on hatred, not on accepting their 
kids and giving them appropriate space. 

That's why they say a child's greatest gift is two parents who love *each 
other*.  Not love the child, but love *each other*, because the marriage is the 
soil in which children grow.

It is never ever any child's or adult's fault they're immature.  No child asks 
for the circumstances in which they wind up.  The problem is *societal* 
ignorance, a collective unwillingness to look at what's going on.  It's the 
backbone of the reason I think illegal immigration is so counterproductive, 
because these people need to look at their society and improve their society 
instead of running away from it.  

It also speaks to the fact that we don't have a choice of who we fall in love 
with, because when we fall in love we're simply recreating the conflicts we 
grew up with.  None of us realizes we have a conflict until we hit a crisis 
point.  That's why crisis is good, because it shakes people out of the 
doldrums.  Al Gore uses this concept in his movie on global warming when he has 
the cartoon frog heating up in a beaker of water.  The frog will just sit there 
until the water is hot enough that it jumps out.  

So, Mike, of course it's none of my business.  I just point out generalities.  
If generalities, speaking in the abstract about songs and books is so 
traumatizing, what chance is there that anything will change in people's 
specific lives?  It's why denial is so powerful.  I heard someone on CNN 
recently talking about celebrities and why they wind up in rehab from drugs so 
much.  I like the way he put it, that for addicts to give up their drugs feels 
like suicide.  They need that much protection against what's inside.  
Celebrities overwhelming are prone to narcissistic personality disorder, a 
self-hating condition in which the mask becomes the person.  But it's not just 
celebrities and addicts or celebritiy addicts, it's virtually everybody. 
Virtually everybody lives lives of quiet desperation until they have to jump 
out of the beaker.

The bottom line is, maturity comes out of a sense of safety in childhood, and 
there is precious little safety for children out there.  It's bad enough here 
in the U.S.  Just imagine what it's like for those poor kids in Iraq or 
Palestine or South America with their never ending revolutions or in Africa, 
that was originally ripped to shreds by Europe.  And now we want to traumatize 
even more people by invading Iran.  We need to be spreading peace, not war, 
helping societies improve.  Instead our mature war mongering selves only want 
to beat everything into submission.  

That's it.  Can't think of an ending.  I know you won't agree with a word in 
this, but so be it.

BTW, a femme fatale basically hates men.  Omar hit it on the head when he said 
she's seducing him.  Because?  Because she hates men, that's why.  It all goes 
back to that relationship with father/mother.  Seduction is basically an act of 
aggression, control, an exercise of power.  Think Mrs. Robinson.

-----Original Message-----
>From: Mike Geary <atlas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
>Sent: Jan 28, 2007 10:38 PM
>To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
>Subject: [lit-ideas] Re: Stand Close to Me
>> Is it that females are, for some reason, more mature on average than males 
>> in
>> the W. Hemisphere?
>I've heard it said in many quarters that maturity is but the state of being 
>totally disillusioned.  My guess then is yes, that men, being less artful, 
>crush all the illusions women have of us long before they destroy ours of 
>Mike Geary
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