[lit-ideas] Smart ass jokes

  • From: Mike Geary <gearyservice@xxxxxxxxx>
  • To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Wed, 9 Oct 2013 18:33:12 -0500

1. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe revising his draft of Being
and Nothingness.  He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee,
please, with no cream."  The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but
we're out of cream. How     about with no milk?"               {phattmatt}

2. "Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?"          {guitartard}

3. Entropy isn't what it used to be.                      {inwalshe89}

4. A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting.  The
biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5 ft. to the left, the chemist takes
a shot and misses 5 ft. to the right, the statistician yells "We got 'em!"

5. There are two types of people in the world:  Those who can extrapolate
from incomplete data sets      {cynognathus:}

6. There are two types of people in the world: Those who crave closure

7. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?  He's 0K
now.    {the breadlord}

8. The programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of
bread.  If they have eggs, get a dozen."  The programmer comes home with 12
loaves of bread.         {android47}

9. A logician's wife is having a baby.  The doctor immediately hands the
newborn to the dad.  His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a
girl"?  The logician replies: "yes".    {jdefaver}

10. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

11. A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says "Make me one with
everything."       {SpookyStairs}

12. What do you call two crows on a branch?  Attempted murder.

13. C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.  The bartender says, "Sorry, no
minors."     {Mkewl}

14.  The bartender says,"We don't serve time travellers in here."
       A time traveller walks into a bar.
        {Erroneous Rex}

15.  Wife walks in on husband, a string theorist, in bed with another
woman.  He shouts, "I can explain everything!"          {newloaf}

16.  How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?    A fish


from http:

edited and submitted by Mike Geary (rhymes with weary, not with fairy --
not that there's anything wrong with that)

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