[lit-ideas] SURE GOD PISSES ME OFF, BUT THEN THERE'S THOSE OTHER TIMES
- From: Mike Geary <jejunejesuit.geary2@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Mon, 27 Sep 2010 00:59:03 -0500
God, I love existence. I love it's tortures and anguishes and
Hallelujahs. I love the fact that I know what I know, but even more so that
I know so little. How wonderfully surprising life is. At any time someone
you thought you had nailed says something so off the wall that you're forced
to re-evaluate everything you've thought before. I love being caught off
balance by life's experiences -- well, if the landing's not too injurious.
I often wish I were much more intelligent, but what the hell? Hey? I'm
sure I'd still be repairing air conditioners or cars or some similar shit.
It's all in honor of my father whom I worshiped. I love working with my
hands. God made the universe in six days. One hell of a workman was He.
Jesus was a carpenter -- I've never seen a critique of his work, but being
God, I assume it must have passingly good.
When I was a kid on the farm in Arkansas, there was this special place I
would go to alone, a place that was nothing out of the ordinary for that
part of the country, but it was special to me, Near the top of a hill
behind our house was an outcropping or rock nearly in a "U" shape. Pine
trees circled it. It was a place I would go to sit and be at peace. And I
would sit there in those arms of stone and shade of trees and just be filled
with bliss. I had no idea what any of this was about. I was just joyful.
I am still joyful, but not so much. Not given the arthritic pain in the hip
and the wanting to commit suicide but not seriously enough to die for it.
Life throws, screwballs at you, don't ya know?
So, I have to go on living this impossible life simply because I want to go
on being surprised with this life I love so dearly. I was raised Catholic.
I did the Catholic thing like none other in my family. But it was never the
Catholic religion or the Church, that I was enamored with, it was always
Jesus, whom I was certain shared my sensibilities, whom, I knew. must have
once sat in the arms of rock under the shade of pine trees and felt that
same deep love of life that I had. Oh, yes, it was Jesus and I communing
on that hill in Arkansas Like Jesus I felt called by something beyond
myself. Called by God to devote my life to Him. Thank God, though, I got
over it. Women are much more alluring than God. At this point in my life,
God as an outcropping of rock under the shade of pine trees amid an enormous
love of life.
Mike Geary
Memphis
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