[lit-ideas] STOP THE PRESS -- WEATHER HAS BEEN DECLARED!

  • From: "Mike Geary" <atlas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: <lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Fri, 2 May 2008 23:18:20 -0500

I'm curious.  Do the local TV stations where you (Lit-Id listers) live, stop 
the world when there are severe weather warnings?  Here in Memphis severe 
weather in spring and fall are not uncommon, are expected in fact.  It's part 
of the fun of living here.  But our idiot TV news/program directors not only 
get the tornado-giddies, ("could this be the time it really happens?") -- we 
all get that -- but they pre-empt all programs -- especially national news 
programs -- to show weather radar images for hours on end, as weather-readers 
blather the same blather they've been blathering for hours.  They take the 
radar down to a specific street, each pixel multiplied a hundred thousand times 
and each screaming weather severity in blood red gore.  "See there, see?  It's 
raining on Parade Avenue."   They study the radar images for the "tell-tale 
hook echo" that signifies a possible tornado.  Try to decide if this thing here 
is a hook or just a false return.  They have fun those weather people do, 
getting all that face time which is like double overtime.  "Tornados been 
veddy, veddy good to me."  I've lived an inordinate number of years here and 
I've never seen a tornado.  There was a period long ago when I was certain 
tornadoes were searching for me.  I sought out places to hide.  I used to think 
of tornadoes as the twisting finger of God searching me out.  But that was a 
rough period and long ago.  Now I rip open my shirt and with my bare my chest 
as a clear target shout:  "Here I am, God.  Bring it on!"

Still no tornadoes.  Some exciting as hell winds, thunder storms loud as goddam 
Heavy Metal concerts and complete with electrifying lightshows.  But no damage 
to me yet, in all these years, nothing more damaging than cancelled picnics.  
Actually, I love the storms we have here.  Seattle is so woosie in its weather. 
 The Weather here is manly and commands an uppercase 'W'.  More than manly, 
it's GORILLA.  But that's no excuse to cancel the news that I use for target 
practice -- spitting at the screen.  I've gotten good.  Can sometimes hit the 
person I'm aiming at.  

I'll bet Julie K, who lives here in the middle of the country where the weather 
patterns meet and compete, is the only lister who can testify that what I say 
is true.  I'll bet severe weather would take precedence over a President's 
assassination where she lives too.  I get furious.  I write highly insulting 
emails to the program directors.  To no avail.  Inveighing, I go (to steal a  
William Buckley pun -- even though I'm a pacifist, I always wanted to belt 
Buckley, he hailed from the land of ilk and money, which should not be confused 
with a world that is real).

Mike Geary
Memphis

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