[lit-ideas] Re: Roswell Aliens... in the White House?

  • From: David Ritchie <ritchierd@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Thu, 14 Jun 2007 07:37:02 -0700

This has been making the rounds, but in case you missed it:

Congress today announced that the office of President of the United
States of America will be outsourced to India as of July 1, 2007. The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 trillion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the
office has incurred during the last 5 years.
        "We believe this is a wise move financially.  The cost savings
should be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA).  "We
cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current
level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.
        Mr.Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
        Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be
assuming the office of President as of July 1, 2007. Mr.Singh was born in the United States while his parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus
making him Eligible for the position.  He will receive a salary of $320
(USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits.
        It is believed that Mr.Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff.  Due to the time difference
between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open. "Working nights will allow me to
keep my day job at the Dell computer call center, "stated Mr.Singh in an
exclusive interview." I am excited about this position. I always hoped I
would be President".
        A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr.Singh may not be
fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this
should not be a problem as President Bush was not familiar with the issues
either.  Mr.Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to
respond effectively to most topics of concern.
        Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without
having to understand the underlying issue at all. "We know these scripting
tools work,"
        stated the spokesperson.  "President Bush has used them successfully
for years."
        Bush will receive health coverage expenses, and a salary until his
final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the
allowed limit.
        Mr.Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower,
Inc.  to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job
        According to Manpower, Mr.Bush may have difficulties in securing a
new position due to limited practical or successful work experience.  A
Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive
experience shaking hands, as well as his goofy smile.

David etc.

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