[lit-ideas] Re: Right to Life, Right to Die

From: Eternitytime1@xxxxxxx
To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Date: Sun, 27 Mar 2005 20:15:32 EST
 
In a message dated 3/27/2005 8:29:01 AM Central Standard Time,  
aamago@xxxxxxxxxxxxx writes:
The  bottom
line is, her parents got parental urges long after Terry needed  them. 


Dear Andy,
And you say that I have preconceived notions?  How about the thought  that 
they were so worried about her that when Michael decided to move her to  
Florida 
that they shortly followed in order to be able to see her?   (one of the 
hallmarks of domestic violence is isolating people from those  you love and who 
love you--whether emotionally [the only reason they like  'us' is because of 
me--you are so stupid/ugly/whatever that it is a good  thing that I am in your 
life/she does not want to see you any longer/etc.]  or physically).    
 
I'm not saying that there was abuse or not--but you are definitely writing  
as though you believe that someone who ends up within a domestic violence  
situation (and men do as well as women, you know) -- that they 'deserve' it  
because she/he was hoodwinked into marriage and then unable to return to her  
parents if a shelter was 'beneath' her?   I do not think  you  know a thing 
about 
domestic violence and what happens to someone in that sort of  situation, do 
you?  And, this has absolutely nothing to do with whether or  not I was a 
former 
member of the 'religious right', btw.  On *average* it  takes about seven 
times for a woman (maybe men too--that I do not know--and  Carol can tell me if 
the statistics have changed...) to actually complete the  leaving process.  
 
You have absolutely no idea what courage it takes, after years of abuse, to  
be able to even contemplate leaving.  And, MOST women do not even know  where 
to go for help--and even those who would and are trying to help them do  not 
have any idea as to go for help.  And, that is if they are able to  figure out 
what, exactly, is "wrong".
 
I do not think you have any idea what happens to family members when a  
member of their family is involved with someone who is abusive (esp if they do  
not 
know and then find out--just see the changes in the one they love...and what  
if Terri was so Catholic that divorce was not really an option for her--and 
the  parents wanted her to do so [mine did me but I was trapped by my 
'vow'...so I do  know a little what it is like to be trapped...])...Do you?  
 
I cannot imagine not being able to be in the room with my child when he was  
dying.  I simply cannot.  I do not think that has anything to do with  
'adjudging' Michael.  I admit it is really hard hard hard to simply  evaluate 
his 
behavior and be SO thankful and  hopeful--thankful  that  my child will never 
ever be like that to someone's parents and hopeful that I  will not have to 
deal 
with someone like him as a wife for my  child.  If he did not see her as 
having any sort of life and  feeling--then what would it have hurt to have let 
them 
try??  I simply do  not understand.  If it is not going to hurt her and may 
not even help  her--but would help THEM and they are her parents--then why not? 
  I  do not understand.  And, keeping them from their daughter (and I do not  
believe you EVER stop being a parent--ever--though you may try to allow for  
healthy boundaries which is what I think they did...and how dare YOU judge 
what  sort of parents they were because she had an eating disorder!  Is every  
problem a child has because of bad parenting?  None of us are here to learn  
and 
to grow on our own?  
 
If saying that Michael's behavior smacks of power-control issues--and that  
he is not healthy in how he acts when he has that power or this would not be  
what happens:
 
I got this from my sweet dear friend who is an "aging activist" (and not a  
member of the 'Religious Right' by any stretch of the imagination...)
 
"I understand the husband occasionally lets them "visit" for short periods  
but they ofter go 10-12 hours without being able to see her.  There is a  
policeman at the door and someone in the room whenever they are there to assure 
 
she gets no liquid from them.  Sad case that certainly makes the case for  
Assisted Suicide.  I assume you are aware that Oregon has such a law as do  a 
number of countries in Europe...i.e. Denmark, Holland, Sweden.  Some say  its 
really devastating the population in Holland...and many comparisons are  being 
made 
to Hitler's destruction of those mentally or physically  handicapped.  The 
cost to the state is a burden.

Glad the hospice is  attempting to keep her comfortable.  That, indeed is 
palliative care, but  normally they would try to spoon feed or give a little 
water as part of  palliative care - but the judge denied that."
"
 
I apologize for being so cross in tone and words--but to blame any woman  for 
domestic violence is coming too close to home to me and for me.  I will  end 
up saying things that I would prefer not to say.  
 
Blame the victim--oooh, yes.  If she was abused, it was her fault and  she 
deserved to stay there if she was.  THAT sounds more like a 'religious  
right'/neo-conservative sort of thing to say than anything that *I* would EVER  
say.  
(They are poor because they had bad parents and if they stay poor  that is 
because they deserve it because if they didn't, they would find a way  out...)
 
and I do try to assist people in not being EITHER the victims or the  
victimizers--but to look for that third option.  
 
<deep breath[s]>  and <mental refocusing to find the  'good'>
 
Will you give me permission to forward that part of your post which both  
connects me with the "religious right" and also invalidates pretty much 
ANYTHING  
that I might ever ever say?  I can think of people who have invalidated  
pretty much ANYTHING that I might ever ever say by calling me part of the  
opposite(s) of the "relgious right".  
 
Obviously not part of any group and thoughts and words invalidated by  almost 
everyone,
Marlena in Missouri
[glad to have gone exploring today and having a sweet day today before  
reading this post]
 
 


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[lit-ideas] Re: Right to Life, Right to Die

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