[lit-ideas] Re: Right to Life, Right to Die

From: "Andy Amago" <aamago@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx, lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Date: Sun, 27 Mar 2005 09:28:48 -0500
A major flaw in this is that the facts in this case have been studied in
the courts for over a decade.  If nothing sanctionable has surfaced yet
(not even punishable, just sanctionable, as in a tongue lashing from a
judge), then it's not there.  But that hasn't stopped people from accusing
Michael of whatever moves them, from domestic violence to murder.  Marlena,
with all due respect, you are a member of the religious right,  however
recovering.  Your comments are therefore not exactly impartial.  This is
like the Clinton White Water thing,  5 years, $40 million and at least two
prosecutors wasn't enough to prove the Clinton's innocence to a lot of
people.  

Regarding the eating disorder, I'm no expert, but my understanding is that
the seeds for emotional problems like eating disorders are laid while a
child is growing up.  By the time people are of marrying age, their
personalities are fully formed, which includes the way people respond to
stress.  Also, worst case scenario, let's assume for a minute that Michael
did beat Terry.  What might that say about Terry?  Let's try a few
possibilities, you can add some.  How about (1) Terry was a very bad judge
of character such that she couldn't see Michael for what he was before she
married him.  We'll take that off the list because con men sociopaths are
by definition excellent deceivers.  Okay, let's try (2) Terry was
hoodwinked, charmed into marriage, then, finding herself in an abusive
situation, was unable to ask for help, including returning to her parents'
home if a shelter was beneath her.  Why was she unable to ask her parents
for help, and if she did, why didn't they give it?   How about (3) she
never learned how to relate in her family, wherein she learned how to have
an eating disorder, knew they were incapable of hearing her, put image over
substance, and played out the victim role she learned at home.  The bottom
line is, her parents got parental urges long after Terry needed them. 
Demonizing Michael may make them feel better about their all too human
failings.  Michael has become a punching bag for issues people have in
their own lives.  

May G-d be with you Marlena in adjudging Michael in ways the courts refuse
to do.


Andy Amago



> [Original Message]
> From: <Eternitytime1@xxxxxxx>
> To: <lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
> Date: 3/26/2005 12:53:27 PM
> Subject: [lit-ideas] Re: Right to Life, Right to Die
>
> In a message dated 3/26/2005 7:40:49 AM Central Standard Time, 
> aamago@xxxxxxxxxxxxx writes:
> Even if this was
> true, the fact that the courts didn't take Michael's behavior, whatever it
> was, into account says it's beside the point and certainly not illegal. 
> Dear Andy,
> Much as I might want to sympathize with Michael, I cannot...it IS true
that 
> he barred her parents from the room...and it is true, as well, that he
has also 
> already 'moved on'.  If he was, indeed, engaging in domestic violence,
the 
> eating disorder she had could have been a result of that (and, as you
state, it 
> is sometimes about power/control...and so perhaps it was the only control
she 
> had over her own life OR maybe it was because he was not happy that she 
> weighted 150 lbs [what she weighed when they marred--but she had always
had 
> fluctuating weight as many of us do] and so she had to do what she could
in order to 
> please him (esp if he got mad...)   Lest you think that all men engaging
in 
> domestic violence are brutes that show that behavior in the open, let me
assure 
> that there are many many who are extremely clever--very winsome, in fact.

> It would have been such a little 'gift' for her parents to have felt that 
> they, as well, had 'tried everything' (presuming that is what Michael
felt that 
> he had done).  The fact that her brain MAY be now in a state where it
would be 
> next to impossible to revitalize is not relevant to the discussion of
what he 
> ought to have done ... at the point when he barred her parents from their 
> daughter's room.  Okay--maybe it was not "illegal" but I do think it was
horrible 
> and mean and rotten.  And, I do not 'judge' easily--I will evaluate
whenever 
> possible and not judge.  Had her parents *really* felt that they had done
all 
> that they could do--perhaps they could have eased her away much more
easily.   
> If, as Michael says, Terri was not conscious, not feeling anything--then
what 
> would it have hurt to have allowed them to try 'everything'?  To be
there, for 
> her, to see for themselves?  (Being from Missouri <g>, I understand the 
> concept of that...)  It would have done no harm to him--and much much for
her 
> parents--and for those of us who believe in science and miracles [often 
> scientifically based but not known at the time], maybe the one odd time
when someone does 
> recover...
>
> If this was about the 'living' and not the 'dead' (in Michael's mind)
then he 
> ought to have cared about how to assist walking THEM through this.  They
were 
> certainly there from the beginning--and were her parents.  Sure, the
marriage 
> takes precedence over the parent/child relationship--but that
parent/child 
> relationship is still there.  And, if nothing else--you walk people
through 
> their darkness--you don't just leave them there.
>
> My former library director was in a coma three times...the last time for 
> quite some time.  (He had also been given three months to live--in the
beginning)  
>  Sometimes you just do NOT know what will bring someone out of something 
> where they are...and sure, if you have all the information (as Andreas
had) and if 
> you had tried everything (like the wife of my former library director was 
> doing) and then still had no hope--then sure...go through the grieving
process 
> and learn to let someone go back to the Presence.  (my belief system <g>)

> But--if you have not the information and you had not been able to do/try
all that 
> was possible--how could you?  
>
> It may not be that they are afraid of death--it may be that you simply
love 
> life so much and you want the rest of those you love and care for (and
maybe 
> even just like <G>) to learn how to do that, too.  After walking through
the dar
> kness that I did--and it was--I will walk beside those who enter in my
life 
> and will be passionate about them walking through their darkness and not
giving 
> up.  It's horrible and it is hard -- but it IS possible and it IS worth
it.  
> and maybe that is where her parents are--to just hold their daughter
again 
> (does anyone know if Michael is even now allowing them THAT?)  I remember
what it 
> was like when I was in the hospital across town from my child who was in
his 
> hospital.  It is the most horrible feeling--and I somehow managed to make
them 
> release me before they wanted to--I simply could not stand it.  I cannot 
> imagine how horrible it would be to be barred from my child's room as
they were.  
> For not reason other than he didn't want them to do and to try...  Sounds
like 
> a power-control issue on his part to me...
>
> Still sad,
> Marlena in Missouri 
>
>
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[lit-ideas] Re: Right to Life, Right to Die

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