[lit-ideas] Re: Life begins with a handshake

  • From: Mike Geary <jejunejesuit.geary2@xxxxxxxxx>
  • To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Fri, 4 May 2012 14:01:04 -0500

I'm getting sick and tired of all you Yankees making fun of God and all
things wholesome and decent.  The average time of human coitus is two
minutes (according to those who time these things).  Granted that's about
40 times longer than the average bird (3 seconds) -- but we live a lot
longer than birds and besides, who wants to fuck a bird, or be fucked by
one?  Not even birds apparently.  "Hurry up, she says to him."  I'm
frequently asked if I can you spare a minute?   Sure, I can spare two if
you're in the mood.

We Southern Christians know that Rome wasn't built in a day.  It took many,
many millions of two minutes tied together to get where we are today.  We
don't want to see all that collapse into 3 second episodes brought on by
holding hands, caressing and French kissing and God only knows what-all
once tongues  start flipping and flopping around.  That's why we pass these
laws in Tennessee -- to nip it all in the bud.  For instance, "Don't Say
Gay" -- Simply put, there must be no mention of alternative life styles in
the classroom -- who could object to that?  Jesus wasn't gay -- so far as
we know.  Granted, he never married and lived with his mother for 33 years,
but maybe he was just Irish.  "Don't Show Your Underwear"  An attempt to
put a curb on lascivious conduct by young you-know-whats.  A very important
piece of legislation passed by the Tennessee Legislators this session.
Everyone one knows how seeing males with their underwear showing drives
females crazy with lust.  And then there are all those laws to protect male
rights over female bodies.  How could anyone object to that?  I mean, get
real.  God's a guy.  We rule.  Go start your own goddamn religion if you
don't like it.

Mike Geary,
male Southern upholder of Christian values
in Memphis

 May 2, 2012 at 4:18 AM, <cblists@xxxxxxxx> wrote:

> On 2-May-12, at 5:30 AM, John Wager wrote:
>  ... remember the old Baptist battle cry: Sex leads to DANCING!!!!
> Not if John & Paul had been forced to try to write songs with lyrics like:
> Oh yeah, I'll tell you something
> I think you'll understand
> When I say that something
> I wanna hold the end of a stick that you're holding in your hand ...
> Chris Bruce,
> contemplating the
> 'anti-rhythm' method,
> in Kiel, Germany
>  Julie Krueger wrote:
>>> The bill just passed.  It's not the internet that's isolating people and
>>> imposing inhumanity on them.  It's the law.
>>> http://www.ibtimes.com/**articles/335198/20120430/**
>>> gateway-sexual-activity-**tennessee-bill-handholding.htm<http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/335198/20120430/gateway-sexual-activity-tennessee-bill-handholding.htm>
>>> "Gateway sexual activity"????  My parents dated on a fundamentalist
>>> Evangelical campus and were not allowed to hold hands when walking
>>> together.  They each took an end of the same stick of wood instead.  That
>>> was 1956.
>> --
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