[lit-ideas] Joe Republican
- From: "Steven G. Cameron" <stevecam@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Wed, 06 Oct 2004 11:29:30 -0400
TC,
/Steve Cameron, NJ
From my spouse:
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF JOE REPUBLICAN
Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare
his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some
tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With
his first wallow of coffee, he takes his daily medication. His
medications are safe to take because some commie liberal fought to
insure their safety and that they work as advertised. All but $10 of
his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some
liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance
-- now Joe gets it, too.
He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe
to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the
meat packing industry. In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his
shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its
amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his
right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.
Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes
is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for laws to
stop industries from polluting our air. He walks to the subway station
for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable
money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants
liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives
everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.
Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay,
medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some
lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards.
Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want
his employees to call the union. If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes
unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check
because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home
because of his temporary misfortune.
It' s noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay
some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some
godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous
bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.
Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his
below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal
decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he were
educated and earned more money over his lifetime.
Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at
his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car
is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal
fought for car safety standards. He arrives at his boyhood home. His
was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers'
Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The
house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck
his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.
He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives
on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking,
cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe
wouldn't have to. Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns
on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad
and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved
Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys
throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government
liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes
everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."
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