[lit-ideas] How not to go to the library

From: Erin Holder <erin.holder@xxxxxxxxxxx>
To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Date: Thu, 29 Jul 2004 19:05:22 -0400
I'd like to take a moment to impart how one does not make it to the library 
successfully.

I was going out for drinks and I needed bus fare.  Actually, I needed money  
first, which would then allow me to purchase bus tickets.  It was 530pm.  I 
figured that if I got on the 6pm bus I'd make it downtown for 7pm, spend an 
hour at the library, and then meet Carrie at 8pm.  

I went to the convenience store at the corner, to get money from the ATM, to 
buy the bus tickets, but the ATM told me that my transaction "could not be 
completed."  Is there something wrong with the ATM machie?  I asked.  You're 
the only one who's complained, the lecherous and perverted (but that's another 
story entirely) store clerk retorted.  I tried again.  No luck.  Sigh.  Fine.  

I walked back to the house, got in the car, and made the ten minute drive to 
the nearest TD Bank.  Annoying, yes, but the bank machines at the bank would 
give me money.  I wouldn't make the 6pm bus, but I could still catch the 630 
and get still half an hour in at the library.  Would you believe that all the 
machines displayed a screen that read "This machine is temporarily out of 
order.  Please try again later."  Unbelievable.  

I walked into the convenience store next to the bank.  Do you do cash back? I 
asked.  No.  This was getting ridiculous.  I'd never been forced to make such 
an excursion for bus tickets in my life.  The only other store in the plaza was 
the liquor store.  God, don't make me go in there, I moaned to myself.  Don't 
make me do it.  I walked into the liquor store.  Do you do cash back? I asked.  
You have to buy something, the clerk replied.  

TWIST MY ARM!  

Fine.  I'd buy something.  I bought a six of Becks.  Who even knew if the god 
damn cash back would work, but I figured what the hell why not give it a shot?  
If it didn't work I wouldn't be able to make it downtown for drinks, but at 
least I'd have a six of Becks.  I'd sit home.  Watch a movie. The world wasn't 
so bad.  

Well, the cash back worked.  I went back to the convenience store to buy the 
bus tickets.  I dashed back to the car, speeding home to catch the 630.  And 
then, all of a sudden, there went the bus driving alongside me in the opposite 
direction.  So I missed the 630.  Fine.  I'd make the 7, get down to the city 
by 8, and I wouldn't have time to go to the library at all.  I shoved a couple 
of beers in my bag, one for me and one for Carrie, and waited twenty minutes 
for that god damn 7pm bus.

I made it down to the park by 8.  Cracked open a beer, sat on a picnic bench 
and wrote down this tale of a very simple way not to make it to the library.  
It's really quite easy.  You should try it.  Then again, who really wants to 
read a book called Dinner Talk:  Cultural Patterns of Conversation (something 
like that) anyway?  


Erin
Toronto

-- 
Erin
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[lit-ideas] How not to go to the library

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