Readers have been helpful this week, sending questions for me to put to the
feathered sages. Unfortunately I was not able to get straight answers before
getting on a plane and hie'ing me to the island of Kauai, where whales may
converse with chickens. That is not my insight. I mentioned to B. that
chickens have run wild here ever since being liberated by a hurricane. Since
the only predators to keep them in check are feral cats and cars, they live
wherever they please. Which in some cases is at the beach. Whales pass close
in. What, one wonders, might the two species discuss?
History seems the obvious subject: do whales regret their elephant- like
ancestors' decision to abandon life on land, and do chickens ever feel twinges
of regret or nostalgia for the ways of their dinosaur forebears? Hawaiian
chickens are unfortunately difficult for me to understand-- they speak a local
pidgin dialect, and whale sounds are beyond the reach of my ears, even with
aids in. So we're unlikely to get answers soon.
The downside of traveling with a new backpack, after the cat peed on your old
one, is not simply learning a different volume and distribution of pockets, no
the surprise in that transition comes when a rare urge for a square of
chocolate surges through your nervous system and you inventory what you
squirreled away: the piece you got from France, and the other little bit that
was a reward for... It turns out that new backpack contains neither of these,
chiefly because you chucked them away when you were anxious to rid yourself of
proof of the erratic habits of a cat.
Sonsie did show remarkable discernment in his choice of target; he mostly peed
on communications from administrators at my work. It could be that he is
developing anarcho- syndicalist tendencies and that in the current Big Brother
political circumstance someone ought to be notified. Imagine filling out the
forms. And then attending the interview.
Name?
He's called Sonsie.
What kind of name is that?
It comes from one of Robert Burns' poems. About a haggis?
And what's a haggis?
That's a little hard to explain.
Sir, we have to have answers.
Especially when you're not being paid.
Come again?
I was expressing sympathy for your plight.
Sir, our job is to keep America safe.
And make it great again?
That is not in our job description. Tell me about haggis.
It's like sausage, except shaped differently.
And someone wrote a poem about sausage?
Hard to believe, right? Anyway Sonsie means something like sunny.
In what language?
Scots.
That's a language?
There's degrees in it.
Really?
People say so on Facebook.
Oh well then. So is this poet dedicated to the overthrow of the United States?
That's an easy one. He came very close to boarding a ship and starting a new
life here.
Speaking Scots?
He wrote In English too.
I have to have a basis for certifying that this cat is not a threat to U.S.
Security.
That's where we're having a bit of difficulty. Do you think he might be a
candidate for some kind of walling off? Could you perhaps build some kind of
anti cat barrier at the entrance to my office and make it at the same time
chicken proof as well.
Who would you like to pay for this?
Finns maybe? They seem to have saved a whole lot of money by vacuuming their
forests!
We'll get right on it.
On my way back from the jacuzzi to the condo we have rented a comely orange cat
rolled on the concrete path, which I took to be a gesture equivalent to the
guys with cardboard signs back home, "Lost my job; in need of sustenance and
care." I suggested he check the beach for chickens. He said he didn't think
hunting was in his nature. More of a charmer than a killer.
One question I did get around to asking the Girls before we left was how the
chickens feel about producing infertile eggs.
" I was wondering...I know you're not producing eggs right now, but what are
your views, holistically speaking, of the process? Of egg production."
"It's in our nature." said Mimo.
See what I mean? Not even close to a straight answer. Maybe that's just how
oracles are?
David Ritchie,
Hawaii------------------------------------------------------------------
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