[lit-ideas] Had I been born ten thousand years ago, I'd be dead by now.
- From: Mike Geary <jejunejesuit.geary2@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Fri, 8 Oct 2010 23:14:17 -0500
All right then, time for another edition of the Geary Irregular Report. On
Wednesday (or Odin's Day as I like to say) I had cataracts removed from my
left eye and a brand new plastic lens put into this nearly 67 year old
eyeball. Voila! the haze is gone. I can see clearly now. Except for the
astigmatism. But what the hell, "you can't have everything -- where would
you put it?" (Stephen Wright, I think, or George Carlin) So this morning I
woke with a lot of pain in my eye. Like the pussy-boy I am, I called the
doctor. She said, with a weary sigh,. come in, I'll look at it. Well, of
course, by the time I got there, I was feeling fine. I tried to convince
her that I was really, really hurting. "Of course you were," she said.
Luckily she's a friend of my daughter Shantih (as was the optometrist who
first diagnosed the cataracts) and so she cut me a little slack, not wanting
to embarrass Shantih, I suppose. -- BTW, I encourage all parents to
encourage their children to befriend doctors and lawyers. It'll stand you
in good stead some day. Philosophically (and you know how strongly bent I
am that way) I'm not so sure that I want to see the world more clearly.
Here's a story of local interest in today's Commercial Appeal: *
TUPELO, Miss. -- A Mississippi judge jailed a lawyer for several hours for
refusing to recite the Pledge of Allegiance, ordering the attorney to "purge
himself" of contempt by standing and repeating the oath like the rest of the
courtroom.*....
*The Supreme Court ruled nearly 70 years ago that schoolchildren couldn't be
forced to say the pledge, a decision widely interpreted to mean no one could
be required to recite the pledge.*
*Yet Lampley's silence infuriated some in the small town of Tupelo, the
birthplace of Elvis with a population of about 35,000.*
*"I thought he was a disgrace to the United States," said Bobby Martin, a
43-year-old self-employed maintenance worker. "If he can't say that in front
of a judge, he don't deserve to be here" in this country."*
Amen. Reading that without any of the softening hazy-mazy of cataracts, I
realized that the South won't ever rise again. How can it rise? It never
fell. Not ideologically. The South is as much the South today as it was in
1840 through 1865 through 1964 through 2010.
OK, so I'm stuck here in Memphis with clear vision, with no way to convince
myself that I didn't see, didn't read what I just did. It wouldn't be so bad
if I liked fishing or hunting or mudding or sitting around and listening to
Rush on the radio and cursing Obama, or if I liked making loud farts and
spitting luges half way to hell. But I don't. I do like grits though and
stewed Okra and fried catfish and greens and hushpuppies and blackeyed
peas. So there's something of the South in me. In fact, I was so surprised
when I moved to Seattle and saw cars actually stop for pedestrians -- even
if they weren't at a crosswalk!! There are no crosswalks in Memphis. The
greatest sport here is crossing an 6 lane street in the middle of a block.
Cars zip by at 40 mph and the pedestrians maneuver as lithesome as
bullfighters. It's a dance to be remembered and learned early or not at
all. Clear vision will definitely help me in this regard.
Doth God exact day labor even if one can see how hopeless it all is? I
fondly ask. But Commerce, to prevent that murmur soon replies, God doth not
need your labor, just the money from your labor. You owe us bookoos of
bucks, buddy, cough it up.
I see how it is, I said. Yes, I can see clearly now. I see exactly how
it is.
On to other news. The hellacious heat has finally broken. Strange that I
should complain. Heat is my ally. My business partner, but, alas, my
assassin as well. I know how I'm going to die -- in a dizzy swoon in a 180
degree attic, and the customer will be very pissed, and who can blame him,
her, them? I didn't fix it. "Am I going to be charged for this?"
I know all you feral cat fans will be pleased to know that a "capture and
release" clan descended on the apartment complex where I live with about 13
feral cats and as far as I can tell has capture them all, neutered them and
returned them. Good work, I say. I don't think the Catholic Church
approves though. I don't think it's fair that animals can be sterilized but
not humans. We're animals after all. Maybe that's why priests like little
boys, they don't have to worry about pregnancy.
Memphis Light Gas and Water turned off my electrical power today, just
because I haven't paid my bill. Hrrrmmph! But they'll have to get up a lot
earlier if they want to beat me. I have about a mile of extension cords,
and I know where the "House" outlet is. I'm sitting here under a fan typing
away on my computer, My refrigerator is still humming along, a lamp lights
the bathrooms and one in the kitchen and front room -- : ) it's like
nothing has happened. And my landlord is paying for it all. Life is sweet.
I've known for quite some time now that if I had been born in
pre-techological time, my physical size and my poor vision would have
condemned me to Evolution's unfit. Unable to throw a spear with any
authority, unable to keep up with the running herd of long-legged hunters,
I would surely have been shunted aside, left to die (sad, isn't it?). Bur
rejoice! I was born in a age of optics! And of grocery stores! I'm
alive! I'm alive! -- that's the thought behind my Subject line.
Have fun, see clearly and remember: Helen Keller the next time you feel put
upon.
Mike Geary
Memphis
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