All right then, time for another edition of the Geary Irregular Report. On Wednesday (or Odin's Day as I like to say) I had cataracts removed from my left eye and a brand new plastic lens put into this nearly 67 year old eyeball. Voila! the haze is gone. I can see clearly now. Except for the astigmatism. But what the hell, "you can't have everything -- where would you put it?" (Stephen Wright, I think, or George Carlin) So this morning I woke with a lot of pain in my eye. Like the pussy-boy I am, I called the doctor. She said, with a weary sigh,. come in, I'll look at it. Well, of course, by the time I got there, I was feeling fine. I tried to convince her that I was really, really hurting. "Of course you were," she said. Luckily she's a friend of my daughter Shantih (as was the optometrist who first diagnosed the cataracts) and so she cut me a little slack, not wanting to embarrass Shantih, I suppose. -- BTW, I encourage all parents to encourage their children to befriend doctors and lawyers. It'll stand you in good stead some day. Philosophically (and you know how strongly bent I am that way) I'm not so sure that I want to see the world more clearly. Here's a story of local interest in today's Commercial Appeal: * TUPELO, Miss. -- A Mississippi judge jailed a lawyer for several hours for refusing to recite the Pledge of Allegiance, ordering the attorney to "purge himself" of contempt by standing and repeating the oath like the rest of the courtroom.*.... *The Supreme Court ruled nearly 70 years ago that schoolchildren couldn't be forced to say the pledge, a decision widely interpreted to mean no one could be required to recite the pledge.* *Yet Lampley's silence infuriated some in the small town of Tupelo, the birthplace of Elvis with a population of about 35,000.* *"I thought he was a disgrace to the United States," said Bobby Martin, a 43-year-old self-employed maintenance worker. "If he can't say that in front of a judge, he don't deserve to be here" in this country."* Amen. Reading that without any of the softening hazy-mazy of cataracts, I realized that the South won't ever rise again. How can it rise? It never fell. Not ideologically. The South is as much the South today as it was in 1840 through 1865 through 1964 through 2010. OK, so I'm stuck here in Memphis with clear vision, with no way to convince myself that I didn't see, didn't read what I just did. It wouldn't be so bad if I liked fishing or hunting or mudding or sitting around and listening to Rush on the radio and cursing Obama, or if I liked making loud farts and spitting luges half way to hell. But I don't. I do like grits though and stewed Okra and fried catfish and greens and hushpuppies and blackeyed peas. So there's something of the South in me. In fact, I was so surprised when I moved to Seattle and saw cars actually stop for pedestrians -- even if they weren't at a crosswalk!! There are no crosswalks in Memphis. The greatest sport here is crossing an 6 lane street in the middle of a block. Cars zip by at 40 mph and the pedestrians maneuver as lithesome as bullfighters. It's a dance to be remembered and learned early or not at all. Clear vision will definitely help me in this regard. Doth God exact day labor even if one can see how hopeless it all is? I fondly ask. But Commerce, to prevent that murmur soon replies, God doth not need your labor, just the money from your labor. You owe us bookoos of bucks, buddy, cough it up. I see how it is, I said. Yes, I can see clearly now. I see exactly how it is. On to other news. The hellacious heat has finally broken. Strange that I should complain. Heat is my ally. My business partner, but, alas, my assassin as well. I know how I'm going to die -- in a dizzy swoon in a 180 degree attic, and the customer will be very pissed, and who can blame him, her, them? I didn't fix it. "Am I going to be charged for this?" I know all you feral cat fans will be pleased to know that a "capture and release" clan descended on the apartment complex where I live with about 13 feral cats and as far as I can tell has capture them all, neutered them and returned them. Good work, I say. I don't think the Catholic Church approves though. I don't think it's fair that animals can be sterilized but not humans. We're animals after all. Maybe that's why priests like little boys, they don't have to worry about pregnancy. Memphis Light Gas and Water turned off my electrical power today, just because I haven't paid my bill. Hrrrmmph! But they'll have to get up a lot earlier if they want to beat me. I have about a mile of extension cords, and I know where the "House" outlet is. I'm sitting here under a fan typing away on my computer, My refrigerator is still humming along, a lamp lights the bathrooms and one in the kitchen and front room -- : ) it's like nothing has happened. And my landlord is paying for it all. Life is sweet. I've known for quite some time now that if I had been born in pre-techological time, my physical size and my poor vision would have condemned me to Evolution's unfit. Unable to throw a spear with any authority, unable to keep up with the running herd of long-legged hunters, I would surely have been shunted aside, left to die (sad, isn't it?). Bur rejoice! I was born in a age of optics! And of grocery stores! I'm alive! I'm alive! -- that's the thought behind my Subject line. Have fun, see clearly and remember: Helen Keller the next time you feel put upon. Mike Geary Memphis