> My apologies. Wrong again. David > > > Begin forwarded message: >> >>> >>> >>> This week there was plenty of mist in which to watch chickens. I was >>> promoted from assistant chicken keeper to temporary first custodian (and >>> U.N. observer), a promotion that came with no increase in pay but >>> considerable improvement of social status. The hitherto unremarked thing >>> about rain, of which we had some too, is that it cleans up after chickens. >>> It has been an unusually dry period and thus the shovel bearers (aka the >>> F.C.U.N.O. and his crew of none) have had much work to do. Also the dog; >>> he too had much work to do. One of the hard things to teach even an old >>> dog is that chicken poo is unlikely to be good for you. New smells and >>> tastes are so tempting. Mac is generally protective of the chickens, >>> except when they steal water or food from his bowl; then in the manner of >>> Scottish ancestors, he retaliates by raiding theirs. >>> We took him to the coast. Beside the channel where the full tide drains >>> Tillamook Bay across a bar, the channel where in 2003 nine people died in >>> an accident, we exercised him on a wide open beach. He was happy; we >>> think he thinks retrieving is his primary job and the border collie in him >>> drives him to work till exhausted. Even in his old age he will run till he >>> can run no more. He always circles left. Maybe it's a political thing, or >>> something to do with the earth's magnetic field, or a behavior learned by >>> ancestors from haggi in the wild (which beasts are said by those who know >>> to have legs longer on the one side than the other). When we arrived home >>> I briefly wondered if Mac thinks, as a farm dog might, that I own the means >>> to kill him. We went into the garden to check on the chickens. Mac >>> brought the ball and placed it at my feet, as if to say, "You know I'm >>> still available for work. I know you have no pension scheme. I'm not done. >>> Really." We ignored the ball, and when we were watching a movie later I >>> explained as much as I could with reassuring touch. >>> >>> This week the chickens got a new water bowl. Thus, in addition to the >>> water in their coop area and water from the dog's bowl, they now have a >>> mysterious and shiny stainless steel item around which to gather. At each >>> location they sip very delicately and appear to gargle as they swallow, but >>> the new item serves an additional behavioral function, the same function as >>> water delivery systems in offices--it gives them a gathering place for >>> conversation. Unlike humans, chickens seem to have little interest in >>> gossip and office politics. Instead they are currently struggling with two >>> problems: not being mentioned in the New Year's honors list, and issues >>> that heavyweights like Sartre and Wittgenstein have taught us to consider. >>> They're currently coping with the fact that the universe is not always what >>> denizens of the British Civil Service call, "sound." One example: running >>> up against a bush in a manner that hurt, Wensleydale exclaimed loudly and >>> chastised the bush. Then she sat down to think. After twenty minutes of >>> cogitation she may have been about to reach an important conclusion when >>> Appenzeller arrived and told her that the pain she was feeling was her own >>> fault. "No," she said, quite suddenly, "I doubt that." Shortly thereafter >>> Mimo tried this new formulation on a stone, using an ego-centric emphasis, >>> "*I* doubt that." Cheddar then stared for a while at the manifest >>> visibility of the air she was breathing, "I doubt that this is a spade." >>> "You can't doubt air," said Appenzeller, "it would make life difficult." >>> Much nodding followed. >>> Not enjoying philosophy, Rocky asked whether anyone wanted to play tennis. >>> Cheddar then shocked everyone, "I prefer badminton." >>> There followed much what-whatting, which is to say that one of them said, >>> "what" and then another said "what," and Appenzeller eventually put an end >>> to things by saying, "What, what"? Cheddar dropped the bomb. She asked in >>> this instance which, if any, iteration of "what" was operative, and which >>> could be understood as imaginary practice. You'll not be surprised to >>> learn that this caused consternation. Where was the idiot Cheddar? Who >>> was this interloper? Rocky tested the ground literally and metaphorically. >>> "You known the thing people hit when they play badminton is called a >>> 'bird?'" >>> Cheddar said, "Not in England, it isn't." >>> Here was the crux, "We're not in England." >>> Cheddar was ready, "I doubt that." >>> Appenzeller said, "You can't doubt that." >>> "Why not? It's not air we're talking about. I can doubt anything I want." >>> "No, you can't." >>> "Can." >>> "Can't." >>> "Kant," said Wennsleydale. No one had a clue why . >>> Cheddar waggled her head from side to side as if to stretch a stiff neck, >>> "I call the thing you hit a 'shuttlecock,' and I have a right to call it >>> whatever I want. It's a free country." >>> "Where?" asked Appenzeller. >>> "Whaaaaat?" >>> "Whaaaaat!" >>> Peccarino came running up, "Something wrong?" >>> "Cheddar's taken a linguistic turn." >>> "That," said Peccarino, nodding importantly, "is roots." >>> Rocky picked up the outer peel of a brussel sprout, "No one would doubt >>> this." Appenzeller rushed over, wanting to share in the moment of >>> non-doubt. She was too late to get a taste. "It's gone," Peccarino >>> lamented. "Here one moment gone the next. What a world." >>> "Sic transit gloria mundi," said Wensleydale. >>> They all gave her a look. Appenzeller said, "That's in foreign." >>> They grubbed, forming themselves once again into three groups, the DDF, the >>> MFC and the DUF. The DDF and the MFC eventually reached the conclusion >>> that an alliance against all foreign-sounding weirdos might be a >>> possibility. >>> >>>