[lit-ideas] "Facetitious factitious ficticious" or feverishly fantastic football?

  • From: karltrogge@xxxxxxxx
  • To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Mon, 22 Jun 2009 12:23:11 +0200

On 19-Jun-09, at 1:07 PM, Donal McEvoy wrote:

... he moves so fast it is hard for others to keep up, but he does not seem to acknowledge that with each move he tends to take the goal-posts with him, making any worthwhile "game" very difficult to play.

Mr McEvoy, I have not been a member of this list long enough to comment on your "facetitious, factitious, and ficticious."

But your 'goal-post' analogy has sparked the following fantasy in my fever-racked brain. (I am slightly 'under the weather' and momentarily unable to engage in more serious intellectual activity.):

Imagine a player who upon intercepting a pass is immediately neatly tackled. The fact that the ball has been taken by another player is of little concern to him, for from under his jersey (emblazoned with the name of his sponsor GOOGLE) he produces something LIKE a football and proceeds to dribble (and dribble and dribble ...) towards a goal. SOME of the other players are confused by this feint and try to engage in his 'sport', but they find him playing by an odd set of rules - which he shouts out as he goes, waving a rule-book bearing the logo of a well-known condiment (featuring a picture of the British Houses of Parliament). According to these rules, only other players can be 'offside' or 'out of bounds'. Our imaginary player roams the field as HE sees fit; extending his 'field of play' even up into the grandstands, while performing all sorts of back flips, contortions and tricks with his 'ball'.

Suddenly, from under his jersey he produces ANOTHER ball (yes our imaginary player has TWO balls; could there be a THIRD somewhere up that jersey - or perhaps hidden in his shorts?). One he kicks high and wide into the (empty) stands; the other he heads off the hand of DIEGO EX MACHINA, from where it passes through a bale of straw stuffed into a jersey labelled WITTERS - and into the net.

(It seems a pity to interrupt our imaginary player's ecstatic dance of triumph to point out that he has just scored an OWN GOAL.)

Meanwhile, those players not duped by the clowning carry on with their game down at the other end.

Karl Trogge
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