[lit-ideas] Re: FW: Canadian Immigration Crisis

  • From: "Steven G. Cameron" <stevecam@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Thu, 02 Dec 2004 10:15:00 -0500

**My brother sent this to me:


/Steve Cameron, NJ

        Things to do Before the Inaugural

1. Help a friend get that abortion she needs.
2. Drink a nice clean glass of water.
3. Cash your social security check.
4. See a doctor of your own choosing.
5. Spend quality time with your draft age child/grandchild.
6. Visit Spain, or any foreign country for that matter.
7. Get that gas mask you've been putting off buying.
8. Hoard gasoline.
10. Borrow books from library before they're banned - Constitutional law
books, Catcher in the Rye, Harry Potter, Tropic of Cancer, etc.
11. If you have an idea for an art piece involving a crucifix - do it
12. Come out - then go back in - HURRY!
13. Jam in all the Alzheimer's stem cell research you can.
14. Stay out late before the curfews start.
16. Go see Bruce Springsteen before he has his "accident".
17. Go see Mount Rushmore before the Reagan addition.
18. Use the phrase - "you can't do that - this is America".
19. If you're white - marry a black person, if you're black - marry a
white person.
21. Take a walk in Yosemite, without being hit by a snowmobile or a
22. Enroll your kid in an accelerated art or music class.
23. Start your school day without a prayer.
24. Pass on the secrets of evolution to future generations.
26. Learn French.
28. Attend a commitment ceremony with your gay friends.
29. Take a factory tour anywhere in the US.
30. Try to take photographs of animals on the endangered species list.
31. Visit Florida before the polar ice caps melt.
32. Visit Nevada before it becomes radioactive.
33. Visit Alaska before "The Big Spill".
34. Visit Massachusetts while it is still a State.

William Ball wrote:

> My daughter, Ingrid, sent me this. Thought you might get a laugh.
> Bill
> William Ball
> Norma Ball=20
> -----Original Message-----
> From: In.Ball@xxxxxxx [mailto:In.Ball@xxxxxxx]=20
> Sent: Wednesday, December 01, 2004 2:47 PM
> To: ballnw@xxxxxxxxxxx; francescball@xxxxxxxxxxx; REDSSD@xxxxxxx
> Subject: Canadian Immigration Crisis
> NEWS --- Canadian Crossings
> The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada
> has
> intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to
> stop
> the illegal immigration. The re-election of President Bush is prompting
> the
> exodus among Left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to
> hunt, pray  and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
> Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
> professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields
> at
> night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a
> Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red
> Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. "The producer was cold,
> exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some
> free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even
> get
> a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"
> In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher
> fences
> but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare
> Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The
> liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they
> wouldn't
> give milk."
> Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals
> near
> the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them
> across
> the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people
> are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman
> said.
> "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a
> nice
> little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
> When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
> wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors
> have
> been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education
> camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch
> In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes
> ingenious
> ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior
> citizens
> on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a
> half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration
> authorities began stopping buses
> and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers. "If they can't
> identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get
> suspicious
> about their age," an official said.
> Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
> creating
> an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon
> movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy
> just
> can't support them," an Ottawa resident said.   "How many art-history
> majors does one country need?"
>  In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada,
> Vice-President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged
> that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source
> close to Cheney said. "We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary
> concerts. And we might put some endangered
> species on postage stamps. The president is determined to reach out."
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