[lit-ideas] Re: Elephant Man "Willie Bounce" of Grenada
- From: David Ritchie <profdritchie@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Wed, 10 Oct 2012 18:37:31 -0700
The yield was greater than I expected so I have used up my entire supply of
condoms. If that's not a sentence that surprises, I'd be surprised. The
explanation is that I don't have any wine making equipment. I don't have the
big glass jar and the bubbly valve to let the carbon dioxide out. Last time I
used a balloon with a little hole in it. This time I found on the web a site
which suggested using condoms. Yes it does occur to me that lubricant might
not be one of the best added flavors for a wine, but it's low down on my list
of worries. What I wanted was a way to get the process going before the birds
ate my grapes. And so it was immensely satisfactory this afternoon, after I
had French lettered two and a half bottles of what will undoubtedly be the
greatest ever vintage of Chateau Ritchie, to step out into the garden and say,
"What ho" to an arriving flock of finches. Too late, mate.
You probably won't be wondering how I come to have an antique stock of condoms,
but I'll tell you anyway. About halfway through contemporary students' idea of
known history, so maybe ten years ago, L. returned from a medical conference
with her usual collection of pens and pads. Also four condoms. She handed
them to me. I said, "Has something changed in the birth control picture?" She
said, "No." I said, "Then why do I need these?" She said something vague, but
I think it implied that if I found myself seduced by a siren, I'd be prepared.
My response was that sirens weren't in our contract.
With your ability to count past three, you'll be going, "Ahah, incomplete
version of the truth. The man had four...items...and like the person in the
arithmetic problem, he has currently only accounted for three." It turns out,
and you might want to make a note of this, that condoms from the last century
can be unreliable. One of them ripped as I was slipping it over the bottle.
I gave a lecture in class today--a rare thing--a compare and contrast
examination of parades all around the world. I was thinking about their
history and any claim to be historic. There's some pretty funny stuff. Here
are two examples. In the Indian one you are looking for the group of marchers
who seem to have been trained by John Cleese. The Grenada police cadet
is...what it is.
Carry on.
David Ritchie,
Portland, Oregon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t04Nim_Abnw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rTdWFdgpJc
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