[lit-ideas] Amazon Adventure
- From: Donal McEvoy <donalmcevoyuk@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Fri, 28 Jan 2011 02:52:38 +0000 (GMT)
Sifting reviews on Amazon is a time-consuming process, involving not just
totting up those star ratings but digging ever deeper into the lifestyles and
opinions of the people who give them. A simple search for reviews of a Mozart
box set, for example, leads on to critically examining the ratings of
reviewers. What about the one-star review just because the box set doesn’t have
all Mozart’s works that could be called piano concertos yet titles itself
“complete”? And what about relying on the people who gave it a five stars. Is
their endorsement undermined, for example, by another 5 star review of theirs,
which reads:
“My wife & I tried Betty Lou's Peanut Butter Nut Butter Balls for the first
time just last night. What a delicious surprise they turned out to be. The
chewy texture & peanut butter taste are delightful. They are a good source of
protein, not too high in carbs or fat ( with no trans fats) and are good soucre
of B-vitamins. An all-around tasty, convenient snack that is a far sight better
than many other empty calorie treats we might have chosen. We can't wait to try
any number of Betty Lou's other healthful products. Quite highly recommended!”
Or is that okay? What’s wrong with being peachy keen about butter balls? They
sound normal enough, so what else do they like…
"Thou Shalt Be Entertained!, January 26, 2010
This review is from: Thou Shalt Laugh 4 (DVD)
Customer review from the Amazon Vine™ Program (What's this?)
If there was ever proof needed that comedy can be downright hilarious without
being foul-mouthed, mean-spirited or condescending, then Thou Shalt Laugh 4 is
your ironclad evidence. Hosted by John Tesh & featuring six of the funniest
comics on the Christian comedy circuit (I particulary loved Michael Jr's
thoughtful & humorous routine,) this dvd is one that family & friends can enjoy
without fear of being shocked by x-rated language & content. The humour is
witty, topical & just plain funny. Exceptionally entertaining & enjoyable. If
you get this dvd, Thou Shalt Be Entertained!”
Holy Mackerel. It really is that funny? Hm. Swear? Let me just check this
product’s other reviews…
“1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars Thou shalt laugh...very little, February 2, 2010”
Right. Thought so. But comedy is so subjective. Even ‘Christian Comedy’ may not
be as oxymoronic as ‘Christian Rock’. They said the Mozart was really
spiritual. What about their take on spiritual matters then? Well, they review a
book…
“Sublime wisdom, January 8, 2009
This review is from: Christ in His Mysteries (Paperback)
The late Pope John Paul II once described the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
Second Edition as a sure norm for teaching the Faith. One could very easily
borrow His Holiness' idea and suggest that Christ in His Mysteries is a sure
norm for deepening your relationship with the Second Person of the Blessed
Trinity, Our Lord Jesus of Nazareth. Blessed Columba Marmion's meditations in
this book are sublime guideposts on the way to spiritual renewal, a renewal
that will enlighten your soul & bring you ever closer to Almighty God.
A short while ago I felt myself blessed to discover Blessed Marmion's Christ,
the Life of the Soul and have since considered that amazing volume a trusted
friend on my life-long spiritual journey. I am truly amazed & grateful that I
have been able to find another such friend in Christ in His Mysteries. This
book is also a sacred classic of the highest order that I will ceaselessly
recommend to all my firends & loved-ones. I will also recommend this book to
all who wish to advance in their love & knowledge of Our Lord Jesus Christ &
his Blessed Spouse, Holy Mother Church.”
That’s interesting. I did Catholic Catechism. Wonder what that book’s like?
Press the link. Well, it’s seen by another reviewer as:
“A wonderful family gift, March 29, 2007
By
Spongebob "Goofy Goober" - See all my reviews
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Catechism of the Catholic Church: Second Edition
(Hardcover)
I bought two of these books, one for my mother and one for my grandmother. My
grandmother is becoming Catholic and my mom is becoming Confirmed. They both
loved it. My grandmother showed the book to everyone in their class and bragged
about how nice of a book it was. The priest even said that the book was
wonderful and every Catholic should have one. She truly enjoys reading it and I
think it's a wonderful book at a wonderful price.”
Beginning to go off-track a bit here. But I'm intrigued. What is “Goofy Goober”
like?
Well, she one-stars a novel with a review that, after a yelling “SPOILER ALERT”
section, finishes:
“Even the little hints that are dropped throughout the book about the past
murders lead to NOTHING! That is what pissed me off the most, all this useless
crap that was thrown at me to think that the 1984 disappearances would be
solved too.
I know not everyone gets caught in real life but that's why I read these type
of stories. I like it when all the bad guys get caught and everything in the
end raps up nicely.
To summarize:
ACT I, was the best and only good part of the book. It really draws you in
thinking it's going to be a good mystery. I can't even remember ACT II because
it was so boring and going nowhere and ACT III made me fling the book across
the room.”
So is she just a heavens-to-Betsy negative type if the product isn’t
God-bothering? Not at all. For straightaway she’s handing out another
five-star:
“Great product, does wonders for hair and scalp, October 11, 2008
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Natural Anti-Aging Butter Unrefined Certified Grade A Shea
Butter and Organic Unrefined Argan Oil Blend 4 oz. By AAA Shea Butter (Health
and Beauty)
I have had dry scalp almost all my life and this product relieved my hair of
itching and flakes. Nothing else worked but this. My hair also became softer
and less brittle after a months use. I trust this product because it uses Grade
A shea butter, which you can feel comfortable in knowing that it has been
tested and approved as being Grade A which is the best grade you can buy. If
the shea butter isn't Grade A, you might be getting an inferior product.
This product was also nice and creamy and easy to apply. It melted on contact
and I will always make sure I have a pot of this around.”
Readily take the point that anything less than Grade A might be an inferior
product. And it “melted on contact”. Yummy. Sounds like it would spread well on
toast too. Though where is Goofy that she can afford to carry a ¼ pound of
butter around all the time? I’m intrigued. The next product recommendation
reveals some more personal detail:
“Best Conditioner I've used, September 24, 2007
I am dark-skinned with thick coarse hair that is frizzy and it is relaxed every
6-8 weeks.This is the best conditioner I've ever tried. I left it in my hair
for a few minutes to give it a chance to work its way into my hair. I LOVE this
product. The back of my hair is really frizzy and even after I use my favorite
conditioner it's still frizzy although not as much. I tried Retread and there
was no frizz. My hair was straight and actually behaved the way I wanted it to.
I was amazed. My hair is straight and behaving and shiny!!! SHINY SHINY! I'm in
heaven. I gotta show my mom!!!!!
If this is ever discontinued, I don't know what I would do.”
More yum-yum. Thick coarse hair. And frizzy. But I’ve one concern. I’ve seen
‘Misery’. That’s a bit ‘Misery’, that last line. And Goofy was a bit SHOUTY
when that novel wasn’t just the way she likes them. I’m not saying she’d hobble
anyone, but it can’t help that she doesn’t know “what I would do” if it were
discontinued but that…
“Availability: This item is currently unavailable.”
Yikes. Here's hoping Goofy has bought up all the supply. For her sake. For all
our sakes. But I’m getting off the point. Mozart. But hold on. Scanning down.
This is nice…
“This review is from: The New Catholic Answer Bible (Paperback)
I bought two of these Bibles, one for my mother and one for my grandmother. My
grandmother doesn't have a Catholic Bible and she is becoming Catholic this
year, my mom is being Confirmed this year, but she doesn't have the New
Catholic Bible. I bought these two because both of them claim they have a hard
time reading small print and I know they have questions about Catholicism. This
book really helped them understand and appreciate their religion more. My
grandmother wants to read the whole Bible and she showed everyone at Church her
Bible. Many people were very impressed with the Bible. My grandmother can
actually read the Bible without straining her eyes as well. It's a really good
Bible.”
Okay. That’s fairly clear. Good that everyone was so impressed. (Though isn’t
it a bit late to be having questions?) Anyway, what about the Catechism? Oh,
good. That’s the next item…
“I bought two of these books, one for my mother and one for my grandmother. My
grandmother is becoming Catholic and my mom is becoming Confirmed. They both
loved it. My grandmother showed the book to everyone in their class and bragged
about how nice of a book it was. The priest even said that the book was
wonderful and every Catholic should have one. She truly enjoys reading it and I
think it's a wonderful book at a wonderful price.”
So: another winner. But using your Catechism for bragging-rights? Well, things
have changed since I was young. Goofy seems quite the dedicated
daughter/grand-daughter. But c’mon, Goofy Goober. Goofy, you can’t spend all
your time procuring religious literature for gran and mom?
“This review is from: Malaseb Shampoo 12oz (Misc.)
When my puppy had pyoderma the vet gave me this to use along with her
medication. I must say it worked and helped dry up the pyoderma without hurting
her fur. I would just place this on her tummy and let it sit for 10 minutes and
then I'd wash it off. I did as the vet told me and it really helped dry up the
flakey skin.”
This might help explain Goofy’s dry scalp too. Anyway. What’s next?
“The only product I use for my dog, March 26, 2007
What works for one dog, may not work for another dog but K9 Advantix works for
my dog. No fleas or ticks on my dog at all. I am very happy with the product. I
know other people have had problems with K9 Advantix and have switched to
Frontline or Frontline Plus, but if you have tried those products and you are
not happy with them then try this product. It also doesn't lose it's potency
when my dog goes in water and believe me she loves water a lot! She goes
swimming any chance she gets and the fish don't seem to mind her being in the
water at all lol. All in all I would say it's a great product and I'm very
happy with it.”
So. Keeping the dogs clean keeps Goofy busy. What’s next?
“No Title Available
Availability: This item is currently unavailable.”
Not again. That’s a pity. What is it, though?
“1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
Great Product, March 19, 2007
It feels natural and is not sticky at all. It's the lube I've found and I truly
love it. It's not sticky and since it's water based it will dry up, but that's
normal. A little goes a long way. Truly a great product. If you don't believe
me the company will send you a free sample to try for yourself. “
Bit mysterious. "Lube"? Feels “natural”. Hm. Maybe I will send for a free
sample. Oh, yeh, of course: it's no longer available. Next?
“Won't use again, March 18, 2007
This review is from: Lifestyles Tuxedo: 36-Pack of Condoms (Health and Beauty)
I hate these condoms. It just felt like rubber and my vagina got very irritated
afterwards. I think it might be the lubrication that was used with the condom
because I am not allergic to latex. Many condoms that are lubricated do contain
some trace amounts of spermicide, even though the product says it doesn't
contain spermicide it may contain a trace amount of it. That's probably what
irritated. If anyone is allergic to spermicide and has tried these I would like
to know did it irritate you as well.”
What!!? I’m not trying them. How would I know that I’m allergic to spermicide?
You ask me that, Goofy, and you barely even know me. Anyway, don’t you have
dogs to wash and bibles to …bash?
“Awesome Product, March 18, 2007
This review is from: Astroglide 5 oz Lube Personal Lubricant Adult Sex Toy Kit
(Health and Beauty)
It really enhances the feeling and it isn't sticky or anything. It feels
natural and best of all It's something I'm not allergic to. A little bit goes a
long way. No other lube feels like this in my personal opinion. I love it.”
Goofy. Goofy, Goofy. Lube, lube, lube. I'm beginning to feel I know way too
much about you and we haven't even met.
“Aweome product, March 16, 2007
These are by far the best condoms I've used. It's almost like the guy is
wearing nothing at all. I'm also a little sensitive to other condoms. It must
be the lube I'm sensitive to, but I have had no problems with these.”
Jimminy Cricket. Enough already, Goofy Goober. What age are you?
"love it!, August 30, 2004
“I'm a college sophmore and well sometimes me and my friends just want a nice
smoothie. well this is awesome. it makes them very fast and my friend was
surprised as how fast it was made. I don't think the motor is loud at all. I
had one motor that you couldn't even hear yourself think. I like it a lot. Very
easy to use and very easy to clean!”
Nice smoothie? That’s just a drink? Yeh? Anyway Goofy, I don’t how I got this
far down your list of product and life choices. I think I better be going now.
Getting back. Yeh? Only got here looking for Mr. Mozart. This isn't the right
place. Sorry? I can't go now? What's that?
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