[lit-ideas] Re: A Suspicion of Violence

  • From: David Ritchie <ritchierd@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Sun, 12 Dec 2010 16:43:33 -0800

On Dec 12, 2010, at 3:53 PM, Robert Paul wrote:

> I suppose it would be better than having your door kicked in at 3:00 am and 
> rousted out of bed 'on suspicion of violence'—from what I've heard the 
> preferred NKVD method.
> Robert Paul
> 'Could you come back later?'
Scene, a central London police station, the good old days.

Bob (a plod): So I says to 'im I says, "Hoi, what chew think you're a doing 
with that there humberella?  You could 'ave someone's eye out, waving it abaht 
like that."  An' 'e says sumfink in a foreign haccent to the effect that it 
didn't ave not no poison on the end of it, nor nuffink.  'Ho,' I thinks to 
meself, 'that is the sort of fing wot causes an halert member of the 
metropolitan police force to suspect violence may be in the hoffing.'  'Come 
along orf it,' I says, 'the game's up.  I'm harrestin' you on suspicion of 
intent to cause problems to pedestrians, foreign or domestic ...as stated under 
section twenty nine of the hofficial nuisances hact.'  You know what 'e does?"
Bob two (also a plod): Comes quietly?
Bob: Pull the other one.
Bob two: Nah?
Bob: Attempts to elude pursuit.
Bob two: 'at's foreign agents for you.  As much sense as a blind 'orse, some of 
Bob: Good food though.  
Bob two: Ooh?
Bob: Foreigners.  Mooleset frites.  Can't get enough o' that.
Bob two: You know where you are with mooles et fretes.
Bob: Calais, that's where you are.
Bob two: Well Calais is foreign, innit?

David Ritchie,
watching the day darken in
Potland, Oregon

Other related posts: