[lit-ideas] Re: 31 words, chess & single malt forever
- From: wokshevs@xxxxxx
- To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx, Robert Paul <rpaul@xxxxxxxx>
- Date: Thu, 25 Jan 2007 18:32:26 -0330
Indeed, sometimes the play's the thing. Chess play that is.
As I pleasantly find myself (a rarity to be sure)... with some leisure time on
my hands (not as much as some people appear to have, of course, ahem!) and as
idleness is truly the work of the devil (or something like that), I offer from
a love of humankind the following rare chess gem to our dear Erin and all the
other "really, really ..." bored people on this List. (Is that 31 words?)
Please be seated as the excitement of the game may cause some to swoon
unexpectedly and cause head injuries either to themselves or others, or both.
(Is it that some swoonings are expected? No, but they may be designed with that
effect on others in mind. Imagine someone were to say: "I only swoon when I
wish to." That is a grammatical mistake --- Dusty Springfield). Alright, here we
go. Lights, please! Curtain on 3. 1, 2, off we go. (I actually started out at
Loyola college in theatre, but then I took a philosophy course and it's been
downhill ever since.)
===============================================================================
WARNING: The following theatrical programme is not suitable for all audiences
and conceptions of the good. Parental deontological discretion is advised.
The game you are about to see was played between G. Maroczy (white) and M.
Tchigorin (black, no these are not racial labels)in the Vienna Gambit
Tournament, 1903, played in Vienna ... I guess you already knew that. Over the
years, it has come to be called in the chess literature, the "Muzio
Gambit." (Not to be confused with the Nunzio-Deconstructionist gambit which
makes you an offer you can't understand.)
It is a most beautifully stylish, elegant (and intransitive) ditty, involving
the sacrifice by white of not only one but two, yes two, pieces for strategic
position - position that ultimately proves to be overwhelming for black. For
your added deliberative enjoyment and astuteness, a variety of Edinburgh single
malts, Russian caviar, and Connie Island hotdogs (mit sauerkraut)will be served
periodically throughout the game. Background music from *The Phantom* can be
provided for an additional charge of $46 Cdn.. Oxygenated air, perfumed in
mint, Polskie Ogorkie, Kramer Beach, Chanel #5, rosemary or leg of lamb a
l'Okshevsky also available. Offer not applicable in Quebec, Nebraska and most
parts of Germany.)
Ahem! May we have silence please. Let the game begin!
White Black
1. P-K4, P-K4
2. P-KB4, PXP
3. Kt-KB3, P-K Kt4
4. B-B4, P-Kt5
5. Kt-B3, PXKt
6. QXP, P-Q3
7. P-Q4, B-K3
8. Kt-Q5
A very beautiful, Hoelderlin-like sacrifice of a second piece.
8. ---, P-QB3
9.Castles, PXKt
10. PXP, B-B4
11.BXP, B-Kt3
12. B-Kt5 ch, Kt-Q2
13. KR-K1 ch, B-K2
14. BXP, K-B1
15. RXB !!!!!, KtXR
16. R-K1, Q-R4
17. BXKt ch, K-Kt2
18. Q-K2, Kt-B1
19. B-B6 ch !!!! (like, hello?!), K-Kt1
20. Q-K5, P-KR3 (to allow R-R2)
21. BXR, P-B3
22. Q-K7, KXB
....................
Now for a word from our sponsors. We'll be right back.
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house games from the Ostend Tournament, 1906; the Paris Tournament,1900; the
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Wells Fargo and Odessa Secretarial College Ltd.
Newfoundland and Labrador
Quoting Robert Paul <rpaul@xxxxxxxx>:
> Shameless Artists, Inc., presents: Boredom--the Musical!
>
> Setting: a marketplace in a northern suburb of Birmingham
>
> Characters:
>
> Miss Holder, a student of life
>
> The Count, a count in name only
>
> Chorus of Eighteenth Century philosophers, villagers, police
> officers, engineers, bail-bondsmen, shopkeepers, rentiers, riff-raff,
> etc.
>
> Miss Holder: I am bored! I am bored! I proclaim it to the world that I
> am bored!
>
> Chorus: She's bored! She's bored! She proclaims it to the world that
> she is bored!
>
> Count: Her boredom is her finest trait! For boredom she can scarcely
> wait! Bore-dom! Bore-dom! Each day she doth anticipate
>
> Cho: Boredom! Boreedom!
>
> Count: And when she wakes she's bored!
>
> Chorus: She's bored!
>
> Count: She awakens into boredom from a dream of boring things and boring
> folk and boring talk and birds with boring wings.
>
> Miss Holder: So?
>
> Chorus: She says So did you hear her? She said So do you fear her? She
> said So, don't come near her...
>
> Miss Holder: B-o-r-i-n-g!
>
> Count: Oh, yawn...Oh, yawn...
>
> Miss holder: Excuse me?
>
> Count: I say, Miss, are you bored? As you look into my eyes, as your
> sentiments arise--like little Flemish cupids with extremely shifty
> eyes--do you...
>
> Chorus: Does she? Does she?
>
> Count: ...feel bored. I mean, still? I mean, when you look at me,
> standing before you in my Hall Brothers suit, my Eton tie, with my
> Roman nose, Parisian ears, sparkling eyes, are you...
>
> Miss Holder: Still bored? Yes.
>
> Chorus: Young man, despair, there is nowhere, nowhere for you, in the
> life of this very, very, very boréd girl. Nowhere! Despair!
>
> Count: Alas!
>
> Miss Holder: Wait! Have you ever read anyone more boring than John Locke?
>
> Chorus: Than Locke? I think not! She reads Locke! What rot! Think not!
>
> Miss Holder: You over there, naff off!
>
> Chorus: Ooooh!
>
> Count: Why, I don't believe I ever have, now that you mention it. Does
> your boredom come from reading Locke, then?
>
> Miss Holder: It may.
>
> Chorus: Then stay, then stay! Don't go! Away!
>
> Miss Holder and Count together: You're the most boring chorus we've
> ever heard. Sod off! Naff off!
>
> Chorus: Oh, you'll always find us laughing, you will never find us
> naffing, not even if you try! Goodbye, Goodbye!
>
> Count: I'm glad to see the last of that lot. Now, perhaps we can have
> an intelligent conversation about the ancient battle betweeen the
> poets and the philosophers--or perhaps about the origins of the word
> 'biff.' What I propose is that... She's gone!
>
> Miss Holder (faintly): There's nothing quite so interesting as
> boredom, when you come right down to it.
>
> Chorus (even more faintly): In boredom I will softly lie until the
> day...(their words become inaudible).
>
> Count: I wonder if Kant...Ah, well.
>
> (with small apologies to G & S)
>
> Robert Paul
> The Mutton Institute
> Sheepskin, Nebraska
>
>
>
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