[lanse] Funnies

  • From: "Mat Thomas" <Phiebs@xxxxxxx>
  • To: <list@xxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Wed, 12 Jun 2002 09:40:54 +0100

> Sweeping or Tomatoes
> An unemployed recovering alcoholic is desperate to support his family. His
> wife watches TV all day and his three teenage kids have dropped out of
> high school to hang around with the local toughs.  He applies for a
> janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.
> The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage
> of $5.15 an hour.  Let me have your e-mail address so that we can get you
> in the loop.  Our system will automatically e-mail you all the forms and
> advise you when to start and where to report on your first day."
> Taken back, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a computer
> nor an e-mail address.  To this the manager replies, "You must understand
> that to a company like ours that means that you virtually do not exist.
> Without an e-mail address you can hardly expect to be employed by a
> high-tech firm.  Good day." 
> Stunned, the man leaves.  Not knowing where to turn and having $10 in his
> wallet, he walks past a farmers' market and sees a stand selling 25 lb.
> crates of beautiful red tomatoes. He buys a crate, carries it to a busy
> corner and displays the tomatoes.  In less than 2 hours he sells all the
> tomatoes and makes 100% profit.  Repeating the process several times more
> that day, he ends up with almost $100 and arrives home that night with
> several bags of groceries for his family.
> During the night he decides to repeat the tomato business the next day.
> By the end of the week he is getting up early every day and working into
> the night.  He multiplies his profits quickly.  Early in the second week
> he acquires a cart to transport several boxes of tomatoes at a time, but
> before a month is up he sells the cart to buy a broken-down pickup truck.
> At the end of a year he owns three old trucks. His two sons have left
> their neighborhood gangs to help him with the tomato business, his wife is
> buying the tomatoes, and his daughter is taking night courses at the
> community college so she can keep books for him.
> By the end of the second year he has a dozen very nice used trucks and
> employs fifteen previously unemployed people, all selling tomatoes.  He
> continues to work hard.  Time passes and at the end of the fifth year he
> owns a fleet of nice trucks and a warehouse which his wife supervises,
> plus two tomato farms that the boys manage.  The tomato company's payroll
> has put hundreds of homeless and jobless people to work.  His daughter
> reports that the business grossed a million dollars.
> Planning for the future, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting
> with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new
> circumstances.  Then the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order
> to send the final documents electronically.
> When the man replies that he doesn't have time to mess with a computer and
> has no e-mail address, the insurance man is stunned, "What, you don't have
> e-mail?  No computer? No Internet? Just think where you would be today if
> you'd had all of that five years ago!"
> "Ha!" snorts the man.  "If I'd had e-mail five years ago I would be
> sweeping floors at Microsoft and making $5.15 an hour."
> Which brings us to the moral of this story:
> Since you got this by e-mail, you're probably closer to being a janitor
> than a millionaire.  Sadly, since I sent it by e-mail, I'm right there
> with you.

Phiebs (Mat Thomas)

e | Phiebs@xxxxxxx
m | 07931 357 651
w | http://www.lanse.co.uk

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