Way off topic, but funny
- From: "Jim Talley" <nrg.jim@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <jfw@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Tue, 5 Apr 2005 08:45:39 -0600
Silicon Pines
SHOULD MY LOVED ONE BE PLACED IN AN ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY?
For family members, it is often the most difficult and painful decision they
will face: to accept that a loved one - a parent, a spouse, perhaps a sibling
- is technologically impaired and should no longer be allowed to live
independently, or come near a computer or electronic device without direct
supervision.
The time has come to place that loved one into the care of an Assisted
Computing Facility. But you have questions. So many questions.
We at Silicon Pines want to help.
WHAT EXACTLY IS AN "ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY"?
Sometimes referred to as "Homes for the Technologically Infirm,"
"Technical Invalid Care Centers," or "Homes for the Technically Challenged,"
Assisted Computing Facilities (ACFs) are modeled on assisted living facilities,
and provide a safe, structured residential environment for those unable to
handle even the most common, everyday multitasks. Most fully accredited ACFs,
like Silicon Pines, are an oasis of hope and encouragement that allow residents
to lead productive, technologically relevant lives without the fear and
anxiety associated with actually having to understand or execute the
technologies themselves.
WHO SHOULD BE IN AN ACF?
Sadly, technology is advancing at such a dramatic rate that many millions, of
all ages, will never truly be able to understand it, putting an undue burden
on those friends and family members who must explain it to them.
But unless the loved one is suffering from a truly debilitating affliction,
such as Reinstallzheimers, the decision to commit is entirely personal.
You must ask yourself:
"How frustrated am I that my parent/sibling/spouse is unable to open an email
attachment?"
"How much of my time should be taken up explaining how RAM is different from
hard drive memory?"
"How many times can I bear to hear my dad say, 'Hey, can I replace the
motherboard with a fatherboard? Ha ha ha!'"
To make things easier, we have prepared a list of Warning Signs which we
encourage you to return to often, or, if you can't figure out how to bookmark
it,
print out. Also, please take a moment to read "I'm Glad I'm in Here! - A
Resident's Story."
MUST IT BE FAMILY, OR CAN I PLACE ANYONE IN AN ACF?
Several corporations have sought permission to have certain employees, or at
times entire sales departments, committed to ACFs. At present, however,
individuals
can be committed only by direct family or self-internment.
The reason is simple: there are not nearly enough ACFs in the world to
accommodate all the technologically challenged. For example, there are currently
only 860,000 beds available in ACFs, but there are 29 million AOL users.
HOW MUCH WILL IT COST?
ACF rents range from free up to $12,500 per month. The disparity is currently a
point of contention in the ACF industry. Many residents are covered through
government programs such as Composed or Compucare, but reimbursement rates are
low and only cover a portion of the fees.
Exacerbating the situation are the HMOs (HelpDesk Maintenance Organizations),
which often deny coverage, forcing residents to pay out of pocket or turn
to expensive private techcare insurers such as BlueCache/BlueScreen.
Offsetting the costs are technology companies themselves, many of which
subsidize ACFs. Firms such as Microsoft, Dell, Qualcomm, and America Online will
pay up to 100 percent of a resident's monthly bill, but there is a catch. ISPs,
for instance, require residents to sign service contracts lasting a year
or more. Microsoft, meanwhile, prohibits the installation of any competitive
software, while Priceline requires that residents buy shares of its stock,
which seems onerous but saves residents on lavatory tissue.
HOW OLD MUST I BE TO HAVE SOMEONE COMMITTED?
Until very recently, you had to be 18 or older to legally commit a family
member. However, the now famous British court case Frazier vs.
Frazier and Frazier has cleared the way for minors to commit their parents. In
that case, 15-year-old Bradley Frazier of Leicester had his
37-year-old parents committed to an ACF in Bournemouth after a judge ruled Ian
and Janet Frazier were a "danger to themselves and the community." According
to court records, Bradley told his parents about the I LoveYou virus and warned
them not to click attachments, then the next day his parents received an
I LoveYou e-mail and clicked on the attachment because, they explained, "it
came from someone we know."
WHAT SHOULD I LOOK FOR IN AN ACF?
First, make sure it's a genuine Assisted Computing Facility, and not an
Assisted Living Facility. To tell the difference, observe the residents.
If they look rather old and tend to openly discuss bowel movements, this is
probably 'assisted living.' On the other hand, if they vary in age and say
things
like, "I'm supposed to figure that out? I'm not Bill Gates you know!," this is
probably 'assisted computing.' Also, at a well-run ACF, residents should
lead full, independent lives, and should be allowed the use of many technology
devices, including telephones, electric toothbrushes, and alarm clocks.
However, only a facility's Licensed Techcare Professionals (LTPs)
should perform computational or technological tasks such as installing programs
or saving e-mail attachments. And LTPs should NEVER answer residents' questions
because studies have shown that answering user questions inevitably makes
things worse. Instead, residents should simply have things done for them,
relieving
them of the pressure to "learn" or "improve."
CAN A RESIDENT EVER GET OUT?
No.
OK, THIS SOUNDS PROMISING. HOW CAN I LEARN MORE?
For your enlightenment, we offer extensive information on Silicon Pines and the
ACF lifestyle, which can be found by clicking one of the links in the navigation
bars found at both the top and bottom of this page. But whatever you decide,
keep in mind that due to demand, ACFs now have long waiting lists. WebTV &
AOL users alone will take years to absorb.
SERENDIPITY
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