[gulfrre] [Fwd: [defensiva] Un poco de humor (Esta en ingles) Las leyes de Murphy en computo. origen: http://www.murphys-laws.com/]
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Date: Fri, 8 Oct 2004 13:05:38 -0500
Subject: [defensiva] Un poco de humor (Esta en ingles) Las leyes de Murphy
en computo. origen: http://www.murphys-laws.com/
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Murphy's computers laws
* Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
* Any given program costs more and takes longer each time it is run.
* If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
* If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
* Any given program will expand to fill all the available memory.
* The value of a program is inversely proportional to the weight of its
output.
* Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the
programmer who must maintain it.
* Every non- trivial program has at least one bug
Corollary 1 - A sufficient condition for program triviality is that it have no
bugs.
Corollary 2 - At least one bug will be observed after the author leaves the
organization.
* Bugs will appear in one part of a working program when another
'unrelated' part is modified.
* The subtlest bugs cause the greatest damage and problems.
Corollary - A subtle bug will modify storage thereby masquerading as some other
problem.
* Lulled into Security Law
A 'debugged' program that crashes will wipe out source files on storage devices
when there is the least available backup.
* A hardware failure will cause system software to crash, and the
customer engineer will blame the programmer.
* A system software crash will cause hardware to act strangely and the
programmers will blame the customer engineer.
* Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable
errors, which by definition are limited.
* Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
* Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you
will find that programmers can not write in English.
* The documented interfaces between standard software modules will have
undocumented quirks.
* The probability of a hardware failure disappearing is inversely
proportional to the distance between the computer and the customer engineer.
* A working program is one that has only unobserved bugs.
* No matter how many resources you have, it is never enough.
* Any cool program always requires more memory than you have.
* When you finally buy enough memory, you will not have enough disk
space.
* Disks are always full. It is futile to try to get more disk space. Data
expands to fill any void.
* If a program actually fits in memory and has enough disk space, it is
guaranteed to crash.
* If such a program has not crashed yet, it is waiting for a critical
moment before it crashes.
* No matter how good of a deal you get on computer components, the price
will always drop immediately after the purchase.
* All components become obsolete.
* The speed with which components become obsolete is directly
proportional to the price of the component.
* Software bugs are impossible to detect by anybody except the end user.
* The maintenance engineer will never have seen a model quite like yours
before.
* It is axiomatic that any spares required will have just been
discontinued and will be no longer in stock.
* Any VDU, from the cheapest to the most expensive, will protect a twenty
cent fuse by blowing first.
* Any manufacturer making his warranties dependent upon the device being
earthed will only supply power cabling with two wires.
* If a circuit requires n components, then there will be only n - 1
components in locally-held stocks.
* A failure in a device will never appear until it has passed final
inspection.
* Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
* A program generator creates programs that are more buggy than the
program generator.
* All Constants are Variables.
Sent by Risto Matikainen <mailto:rmatikainen@xxxxxxxxxxx>
* Constants aren't
* Variables won't
The last two laws were sent by Hnathoo <mailto:Hnathoo@xxxxxxx>
Murphy's laws shop
Planning buying a poster or a book in the near future?
Support Murphy's laws site; buy from Art.com
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*
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* <http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect-home/murphyslawssite> In
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*
Posters <http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/poster.html>
* <http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/poster.html> Buy Peter's Laws at
Art.com
* <http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/poster.html> Visit Art.com
* A part dropped from the workbench will roll to a degree of
un-reachability proportional to its importance.
Sent by Neal Buddenberg <mailto:nealbudd@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
* In a transistor circuit protected by a fuse, the transistor will always
blow to protect the fuse.
Sent by Neal Buddenberg <mailto:nealbudd@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
* The best way to see your boss is to access the internet.
Or...
No matter how hard you work, the boss will only appear when you access the
internet.
* The hard drive on your computer will only crash when it contains vital
information that has not been backed up.
The last two laws were sent by Charles L. Mays
<mailto:Charles.Mays@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
* Computers don't make errors-What they do they do on purpose.
Sent by Terry Jaster <mailto:trjaster@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
* If Murphy's laws are so true then how come I can log onto this site and
submi............
[connection reset - error message 928 ]
Sent by Paul Breen <mailto:paulbreen@xxxxxxxxxxx>
* Gumption's Law (?)
Any problem, no matter how complex, can be found by simple inspection.
Corollary: A nagging intruder with unsought advice will spot it immediately.
Sent by Ray <mailto:RGeist@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> Geist who found it handy when he
was debugging computer code.
* Each computer code has five bugs, and tis number does not depend on how
many bugs have been already found (it is conservative).
Sent by Andrew <mailto:alresear@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
* Profanity is one language all computer users know.
Sent by Jeff Webb <mailto:methuss@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
* The number of bugs always exceeds the number of lines found in a
program.
Sent by Yaron Budowski <mailto:budowski@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
* The most ominous words for those using computers: "Daddy, what does
'Now formatting Drive C mean'?"
Sent by Yael Dragwyla <mailto:Polaris93@xxxxxxx>
* When putting something into memory, always remember where you put it.
Sent by Paul Pigott
* Every non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
* Every non-trivial program can be simplified by at least one line of
code.
The conclusion of the last two laws: Every non trivial program can be
simplified to one line of code, and it will contain a bug.
Sent by Brandon Aiken
* An expert is someone brought in at the last minute to share the blame.
Sent by Bassey Essien.
* Debugging is at least twice as hard as writing the program in the first
place.
So if your code is as clever as you can possibly make it, then by definition
you're not smart enough to debug it.
Sent by Brian Kernighan
* Bahaman's Law:
for any given software, the moment you manage to master it, a new version
appears.
Sent by Bahaman.
Yakko's addition:
The new version always manages to change the one feature you need most.
Sent by Yakko <mailto:jtdennis@xxxxxxxxxxx>
* Patches - don't.
Sent by Doru Tasca <mailto:doru@xxxxxxxxx>
* Most computer errors can be attributed to a similar problem - a screw
loose behind the keyboard.
* Whenever you need a crucial file from the server, the network will be
down.
* Whenever you need a crucial file from your hard drive, your computer
will crash.
* E-mailed tasking will always come just before you log off.
* A quarantined virus - will be opened.
* A chain letter - will be sent. To global. A dozen times.
* The chance of a virus infecting your network is directly proportional
to the amount of damage it does.
* The chances of getting off work on time is inversely proportional to
how much e-mail the boss leaves for until end of the day.
* The faster you need a hardcopy, the more people will be using the only
office printer.
* General Fault Errors are the "Check Engine" light of computers. If it
can be fixed, chances are it's not by you.
* A patch is a piece of software which replaces old bugs with new bugs.
* The chances of a program doing what it's supposed to do is inversely
proportional to the number of lines of code used to write it.
The last twelve laws were sent by Ryan <mailto:tkthedwarf@xxxxxxxxx> Sylvester
* The probability of forgetting your password is directly proportional to
the frequency of changing it.
* No matter how fantastic your latest and greatest PC is, you will be
able to buy it for half the price in 12 months.
The last two laws were sent by Zain
* The longer it takes to download a program the more likely it won't run.
Sent by Skwirl <mailto:1excitedskwirl@xxxxxxxxxx>
* Failure is not an option, it's included with the software.
Sent by Paul <mailto:chooch_e@xxxxxxxxx>
* A program is good when it's bug free - which is impossible.
Sent by Hans van Rijsse <mailto:hvrijsse@xxxxxxxxx>
* If you forget to save you're work every 5 minutes, it will break down
after you've been at it for an hour.
Sent by Eric Guilbault <mailto:ericguilbault@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
* It's not a bug, it's an undocumented feature.
* The amount of time taken to successfully complete a software project is
in direct proportion to the amount of Marketing input.
Corollary: Marketing should not be located in the same city - much less on the
same campus - as Engineering and/or Programming.
* The only thing worse than an end-user without a clue is an end-user who
has a clue - usually the wrong one.
* According to most Tech Support people, the most common user error
message (regardless of Operating System) is ID 10T.
End-users' Corollary 1: most application failures occur between the hours of 2
and 4 am on a Sunday night - with a 6 am Monday deadline for the project.
End-users' Corollary 2: On the graveyard shift, there's no Tech Support to hear
you scream!
The last four laws and corollaries were sent by Jim <mailto:JimKirk2@xxxxxxx>
Kirk
* Bugs mysteriously appear when you say, "Watch this!"
corollary: If you call another programmer over to see if he knows what's wrong
the bug disappears.
The corollary was sent by S. Bussell.
* The probability of bugs appearing is directly proportional to the
number and importance of people watching.
The last two laws were sent by Bill Smith.
* An employee rank is in inverse proportion to his use of a computer, and
in proportion to its performance.
Sent by Dan Wasson <mailto:wassond@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
* The only program that runs perfectly every time, is a virus
Sent by DaRk_jAcKaL <mailto:grumpy1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
* If a project is completed on schedule, it wasn't debugged properly.
* Non Crash Operating System aren't.
* The worst bugs in your program will show up only during the final
review.
The last three laws were sent by Kiran <mailto:kiran1980@xxxxxxxxxxx>
* The people who say that computers are simple to use are the same people
who tell you how to build a watch when you ask what time it is.
Sent by Jack Betz <mailto:jjbetz@xxxxxxxxxx>
* Philington's First Law
If it works, it's production. If it doesn't, it's a test.
* Philington's Second Law
Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should
be hard to understand.
The last two laws were sent by Philip Partington <mailto:internut@xxxxxxxx>
* Format C: fixes all
Sent by Ron <mailto:rwestby@xxxxxxxxx> Westby
* Law of Computer Generated Aerodynamics
Computers suck.
* Law of Recycling
A computer that has been on the market for 6 weeks is still usable as a boat
anchor.
* Law of Anti-security
The best way past a pesky security feature is a 13-year-old.
* Law of Acceleration
A computer that has surpassed its user's frustration capacity (FC) will
accelerate downwards at 9.8 meters per second squared.
The last four laws were sent by Timothy Boilard <mailto:tboil@xxxxxxx>
* Computers let you waste time efficiently
Sent by Jim F <mailto:pfour1@xxxxxxx> .
* Make a system even a moron can use and a moron will use it.
* Make one that requires training or intelligence and only a moron will
use it, but there will be more help desk calls.
Sent by S. Bussell
* The likelihood of problems occurring is inversely proportional to the
amount of time remaining before the deadline.
* You will always discover errors in your work after you have
printed/submitted it.
The last two laws were sent by Niels Hageman
* 90% of a programmer errors come from data from other programmers.
Sent by Emanuel <mailto:zytner@xxxxxxxxx>
* 'Illegal Error' messages only happen when you forget to save your work
Sent by Abdul Mohsin <mailto:abdulm0hsin@xxxxxxxxxxx>
* If you make the letters in your Word document bigger and then you print
it out, you'll have everything on the first page and only one line on the
second.
Sent by Nadine <mailto:just4nadine@xxxxxxxxx>
* the OEM did not actually manufacture the part you need to replace
Sent by Bryan Lord
* By the time you learn your new computer you'll need a new one.
Sent by romanaround <mailto:romanaround@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
* After a software is released, the first bug found will be by a person
who normally does not use that portion of the program but was wondering why he
can't do something he normally would not do.
Sent by Rick G. <mailto:rdgammon@xxxxxxxxx>
* When the Downloading Window says "99%complete", there will be a
fluctuation in the voltage and you'll have to start all over again.
Sent by Sagar Kalantre <mailto:ksagar_2000@xxxxxxxxx>
* Millions of people believe they are animals, but I have yet to meet one
that believe in Windows' stability. Even human stupidity has limits ;-)
Sent by Sylvain <mailto:wizardtranslations@xxxxxxx> Galibert
* The troubleshooting guide contains the answer to every problem except
yours.
Sent by Jesse Janowiak <mailto:janowiak@xxxxxxxxxx>
* Plugins Law
Whenever you install a group of plugins one by one just to find out which one
can make your software work, you either haven't gotten the right one, or have
accidentally skipped the right one or it has become the last one installed.
Sent by Laudney <mailto:bin_ren@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> Ren
* No matter what problem you have with your computer - Its Always
Microsoft's fault
Corollary: If its not their fault - Blame them anyway :-)
Sent by Andrei Keren <mailto:andreik@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
* You will get disconnected from the Internet or experience a computer
crash when you are downloading. If you don't experience one within 80%
completion, then it will happen at 99%. If you do manage to get the file, then
it will turn out to be completely useless and/or invalid.
Sent by Hyung Jin Lee <mailto:maarin@xxxxxxxxxxx>
* You'll always receive an e-mail from a web site that you never visit
before.
* 75% of the bugs laws in this page can be applied to MS Windows (Any
version).
The last two laws were sent by Christian C <mailto:ccalderon3@xxxxxxx>
* Auto Correct - isn't
* Microsoft excel- doesn't
the last two laws were sent by Alegna <mailto:Fanciful1s@xxxxxxx>
* If you need to shutdown your PC ASAP, It will restart.
* The quickest way to shutdown a PC is to unplug it.
Corollary: ACPI shutdown (sometimes faster to get to than the plug) does not
always work.
Corollary: ACPI shutdown will fail most frequently when you run the risk of
being caught doing something.
Corollaries were sent by Stravag <mailto:css.stravag@xxxxxxxx>
* No matter how big a hard drive you buy, you'll need to double it in a
year.
the last three laws were sent by Pliaskos <mailto:pl_transfer@xxxxxxxxxxx>
* Complete computer breakdown will happen shortly after the maintenance
person has left.
Sent by Jan Wenall
* A virus will be erased when the hard drive crashes, making it useless
for antivirus program to fix it.
Sent by mitch <mailto:anglspoet@xxxxxxx>
* The problem always exists between one keyboard and it's respective
chair.
(On submission problem was insomnia... zzzzzz)
Sent by Cpt_Anderson <mailto:Cpt_Anderson@xxxxxxxxxxx>
* A program that compile on the first run has an error in the algorithm
Sent by Iavor Dimitrov <mailto:iavor4o@xxxxxxxxxxx>
* Edward V. Berard Law
Walking on water and developing software to specification are easy as long as
both are frozen.
Sent by Andre Van Dun
* The smaller the size of your email account, the more junk mail you will
get
* The boss will always come to your workspace when you accidentally open
an adult link
* The more pop-up screens you have, the more likely the boss will come by
The last three laws were sent by Mark
* A computer is only as smart as the person using it
* If it ain't broke, Overclock it!
The last two laws were sent by Michael Horvath <mailto:Bigmac1181@xxxxxxxxxxx>
* If you're in a hurry, your computer will crash, a hard drive will
become corrupted, or your files will be erased. Any way, you're screwed if you
have a deadline.
Sent by Logan <mailto:clpo13@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
* Software Reliability:
Investment in software reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable
cost of errors.
Sent by Bill Pramik <mailto:Bill.Pramik@xxxxxxx>
* Computer sadism: When the computer causes physical or mental damage to
a person and can't receive such a return favor (due to management rules).
* Computer masochism: When a computer takes all the abuse you think you
can give it and continues working as it should.
* The sound of grinding metal or the sight of smoke coming from a case is
a warning that you are trying to do too much with too little.
* The survivability of a system is directly proportional to the price of
the cooling system applied to it and inversely proportional to the amount of
use it sees.
* Antivirus systems only effectively work on a virus after given virus
has passed its prime.
* The most frightening of viruses is the virus you do not know is already
there.
The last six laws were sent by Stravag <mailto:css.stravag@xxxxxxxx>
* The amount of damage that a string of code can do is inversely
proportional to the length of the string
Sent by Kit Balmer <mailto:rocketman_85@xxxxxxxxxxx>
* You only receive instant messaging, when working on a project that's
due instantly
Sent by Keith
Ing. Fco. Javier Otero De Alba
Diplomado en Seguridad Informática ITESM CEM
ITStrap
Product Manager
Juniper Secure Access SSL
5243-4782 al 84 Ext.300
México, D.F.
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<DIV><FONT face=Arial color=#0000ff size=2>
<H4>Murphy's computers laws</H4>
<UL><!-- Enter first 20 laws here -->
<LI>Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
<LI>Any given program costs more and takes longer each time it is run.
<LI>If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
<LI>If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
<LI>Any given program will expand to fill all the available memory.
<LI>The value of a program is inversely proportional to the weight of its
output.
<LI>Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the
programmer
who must maintain it.
<LI>Every non- trivial program has at least one bug<BR>Corollary 1 - A
sufficient condition for program triviality is that it have no
bugs.<BR>Corollary 2 - At least one bug will be observed after the author
leaves the organization.
<LI>Bugs will appear in one part of a working program when another
'unrelated'
part is modified.
<LI>The subtlest bugs cause the greatest damage and problems.<BR>Corollary -
A
subtle bug will modify storage thereby masquerading as some other problem.
<LI>Lulled into Security Law<BR>A 'debugged' program that crashes will wipe
out source files on storage devices when there is the least available backup.
<LI>A hardware failure will cause system software to crash, and the customer
engineer will blame the programmer.
<LI>A system software crash will cause hardware to act strangely and the
programmers will blame the customer engineer.
<LI>Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable
errors, which by definition are limited.
<LI>Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
<LI>Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you
will find that programmers can not write in English.
<LI>The documented interfaces between standard software modules will have
undocumented quirks.
<LI>The probability of a hardware failure disappearing is inversely
proportional to the distance between the computer and the customer engineer.
<LI>A working program is one that has only unobserved bugs.
<LI>No matter how many resources you have, it is never enough.
<LI>Any cool program always requires more memory than you have.
<LI>When you finally buy enough memory, you will not have enough disk space.
<LI>Disks are always full. It is futile to try to get more disk space. Data
expands to fill any void.
<LI>If a program actually fits in memory and has enough disk space, it is
guaranteed to crash.
<LI>If such a program has not crashed yet, it is waiting for a critical
moment
before it crashes.
<LI>No matter how good of a deal you get on computer components, the price
will always drop immediately after the purchase.
<LI>All components become obsolete.
<LI>The speed with which components become obsolete is directly proportional
to the price of the component.
<LI>Software bugs are impossible to detect by anybody except the end user.
<LI>The maintenance engineer will never have seen a model quite like yours
before.
<LI>It is axiomatic that any spares required will have just been discontinued
and will be no longer in stock.
<LI>Any VDU, from the cheapest to the most expensive, will protect a twenty
cent fuse by blowing first.
<LI>Any manufacturer making his warranties dependent upon the device being
earthed will only supply power cabling with two wires.
<LI>If a circuit requires n components, then there will be only n - 1
components in locally-held stocks.
<LI>A failure in a device will never appear until it has passed final
inspection.
<LI>Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
<LI>A program generator creates programs that are more buggy than the program
generator.
<LI>All Constants are Variables.<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:rmatikainen@xxxxxxxxxxx";>Risto Matikainen</A>
<LI>Constants aren't
<LI>Variables won't<BR>The last two laws were sent by <A
href="mailto:Hnathoo@xxxxxxx";>Hnathoo</A> <!--webbot bot="Include"
U-Include="../inc/shop.htm" TAG="BODY" startspan --></LI></UL>
<DIV id=shop>
<H4>Murphy's laws shop</H4>
<H6>Planning buying a poster or a book in the near future?<BR>Support Murphy's
laws site; buy from <A title="Buy posters @ Art.com"
href="http://affiliates.art.com/get.art?T=15023362&A=413325&L=9&P=0&S=6&Y=51";>Art.com</A>
or <A title="Buy books @ Amazon"
href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect-home/murphyslawssite";>Amazon</A></H6>
<DIV id=amazon>
<UL>
<LI>
<H5><A title="Murphy Bookshop"
href="http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/murphy-book-store.html";>Books</A></H5>
<LI><A title="Murphy's Law - Lawyers book"
href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0399529306/murphyslawssite";><IMG
height=116 alt="Murphy's Law - Anniversary Edition"
src="http://www.murphys-laws.com/img/Murphys-law-book.gif"; width=72></A>
<LI><A title="In Association with Amazon.com"
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height=35 alt="In Association with Amazon.com"
src="http://www.murphys-laws.com/img/Amazon_logo.gif"; width=117></A>
</LI></UL></DIV>
<DIV id=art>
<UL>
<LI>
<H5><A title="Murphy Poster Shop"
href="http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/poster.html";>Posters</A></H5>
<LI><A id=ProductLink1 title="Buy Peter's Laws at Art.com"
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<DIV class=content id=contentII>
<UL><!--webbot bot="Include" i-checksum="23950" endspan --><!-- Enter rest of
the laws here -->
<LI>A part dropped from the workbench will roll to a degree of
un-reachability
proportional to its importance.<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:nealbudd@xxxxxxxxxxxxx";>Neal Buddenberg</A>
<LI>In a transistor circuit protected by a fuse, the transistor will always
blow to protect the fuse.<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:nealbudd@xxxxxxxxxxxxx";>Neal Buddenberg</A>
<LI>The best way to see your boss is to access the internet.<BR>Or...<BR>No
matter how hard you work, the boss will only appear when you access the
internet.
<LI>The hard drive on your computer will only crash when it contains vital
information that has not been backed up.<BR>The last two laws were sent by <A
href="mailto:Charles.Mays@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx";>Charles L. Mays</A>
<LI>Computers don't make errors-What they do they do on purpose.<BR>Sent by
<A
href="mailto:trjaster@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx";>Terry Jaster</A>
<LI>If Murphy's laws are so true then how come I can log onto this site and
submi............<BR>[connection reset - error message 928 ]<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:paulbreen@xxxxxxxxxxx";>Paul Breen</A>
<LI>Gumption's Law (?)<BR>Any problem, no matter how complex, can be found by
simple inspection.<BR>Corollary: A nagging intruder with unsought advice will
spot it immediately.<BR>Sent by <A href="mailto:RGeist@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx";>Ray
Geist</A> who found it handy when he was debugging computer code.
<LI>Each computer code has five bugs, and tis number does not depend on how
many bugs have been already found (it is conservative).<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:alresear@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx";>Andrew</A>
<LI>Profanity is one language all computer users know.<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:methuss@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx";>Jeff Webb</A>
<LI>The number of bugs always exceeds the number of lines found in a
program.<BR>Sent by <A href="mailto:budowski@xxxxxxxxxxxx";>Yaron Budowski</A>
<LI>The most ominous words for those using computers: "Daddy, what does
'Now formatting Drive C mean'?"<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:Polaris93@xxxxxxx";>Yael Dragwyla</A>
<LI>When putting something into memory, always remember where you put
it.<BR>Sent by Paul Pigott
<LI>Every non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
<LI>Every non-trivial program can be simplified by at least one line of
code.<BR>The conclusion of the last two laws: Every non trivial program can
be
simplified to one line of code, and it will contain a bug.<BR>Sent by Brandon
Aiken
<LI>An expert is someone brought in at the last minute to share the
blame.<BR>Sent by Bassey Essien.
<LI>Debugging is at least twice as hard as writing the program in the first
place.<BR>So if your code is as clever as you can possibly make it, then by
definition you're not smart enough to debug it.<BR>Sent by Brian Kernighan
<LI>Bahaman's Law:<BR>for any given software, the moment you manage to master
it, a new version appears.<BR>Sent by Bahaman.<BR>Yakko's addition:<BR>The
new
version always manages to change the one feature you need most.<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:jtdennis@xxxxxxxxxxx";>Yakko</A>
<LI>Patches - don't.<BR>Sent by <A href="mailto:doru@xxxxxxxxx";>Doru
Tasca</A>
<LI>Most computer errors can be attributed to a similar problem - a screw
loose behind the keyboard.
<LI>Whenever you need a crucial file from the server, the network will be
down.
<LI>Whenever you need a crucial file from your hard drive, your computer will
crash.
<LI>E-mailed tasking will always come just before you log off.
<LI>A quarantined virus - will be opened.
<LI>A chain letter - will be sent. To global. A dozen times.
<LI>The chance of a virus infecting your network is directly proportional to
the amount of damage it does.
<LI>The chances of getting off work on time is inversely proportional to how
much e-mail the boss leaves for until end of the day.
<LI>The faster you need a hardcopy, the more people will be using the only
office printer.
<LI>General Fault Errors are the "Check Engine" light of computers. If
it
can be fixed, chances are it's not by you.
<LI>A patch is a piece of software which replaces old bugs with new bugs.
<LI>The chances of a program doing what it's supposed to do is inversely
proportional to the number of lines of code used to write it.<BR>The last
twelve laws were sent by <A href="mailto:tkthedwarf@xxxxxxxxx";>Ryan
Sylvester</A>
<LI>The probability of forgetting your password is directly proportional to
the frequency of changing it.
<LI>No matter how fantastic your latest and greatest PC is, you will be able
to buy it for half the price in 12 months.<BR>The last two laws were sent by
Zain
<LI>The longer it takes to download a program the more likely it won't
run.<BR>Sent by <A href="mailto:1excitedskwirl@xxxxxxxxxx";>Skwirl</A>
<LI>Failure is not an option, it's included with the software.<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:chooch_e@xxxxxxxxx";>Paul</A>
<LI>A program is good when it's bug free - which is impossible.<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:hvrijsse@xxxxxxxxx";>Hans van Rijsse</A>
<LI>If you forget to save you're work every 5 minutes, it will break down
after you've been at it for an hour.<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:ericguilbault@xxxxxxxxxxxx";>Eric Guilbault</A>
<LI>It's not a bug, it's an undocumented feature.
<LI>The amount of time taken to successfully complete a software project is
in
direct proportion to the amount of Marketing input.<BR>Corollary: Marketing
should not be located in the same city - much less on the same campus - as
Engineering and/or Programming.
<LI>The only thing worse than an end-user without a clue is an end-user who
has a clue - usually the wrong one.
<LI>According to most Tech Support people, the most common user error message
(regardless of Operating System) is ID 10T.<BR>End-users' Corollary 1: most
application failures occur between the hours of 2 and 4 am on a Sunday night
-
with a 6 am Monday deadline for the project.<BR>End-users' Corollary 2: On
the
graveyard shift, there's no Tech Support to hear you scream!<BR>The last four
laws and corollaries were sent by <A href="mailto:JimKirk2@xxxxxxx";>Jim
Kirk</A>
<LI>Bugs mysteriously appear when you say, "Watch this!"<BR>corollary: If you
call another programmer over to see if he knows what's wrong the bug
disappears.<BR>The corollary was sent by S. Bussell.
<LI>The probability of bugs appearing is directly proportional to the number
and importance of people watching.<BR>The last two laws were sent by Bill
Smith.
<LI>An employee rank is in inverse proportion to his use of a computer, and
in
proportion to its performance.<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:wassond@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx";>Dan Wasson</A>
<LI>The only program that runs perfectly every time, is a virus<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:grumpy1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx";>DaRk_jAcKaL</A>
<LI>If a project is completed on schedule, it wasn't debugged properly.
<LI>Non Crash Operating System aren't.
<LI>The worst bugs in your program will show up only during the final
review.<BR>The last three laws were sent by <A
href="mailto:kiran1980@xxxxxxxxxxx";>Kiran</A>
<LI>The people who say that computers are simple to use are the same people
who tell you how to build a watch when you ask what time it is.<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:jjbetz@xxxxxxxxxx";>Jack Betz</A>
<LI>Philington's First Law<BR>If it works, it's production. If it doesn't,
it's a test.
<LI>Philington's Second Law<BR>Real programmers don't comment their code. If
it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.<BR>The last two laws
were sent by <A href="mailto:internut@xxxxxxxx";>Philip Partington</A>
<LI>Format C: fixes all<BR>Sent by <A href="mailto:rwestby@xxxxxxxxx";>Ron
Westby</A>
<LI>Law of Computer Generated Aerodynamics<BR>Computers suck.
<LI>Law of Recycling<BR>A computer that has been on the market for 6 weeks is
still usable as a boat anchor.
<LI>Law of Anti-security<BR>The best way past a pesky security feature is a
13-year-old.
<LI>Law of Acceleration<BR>A computer that has surpassed its user's
frustration capacity (FC) will accelerate downwards at 9.8 meters per second
squared.<BR>The last four laws were sent by <A
href="mailto:tboil@xxxxxxx";>Timothy Boilard</A>
<LI>Computers let you waste time efficiently<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:pfour1@xxxxxxx";>Jim F</A>.
<LI>Make a system even a moron can use and a moron will use it.
<LI>Make one that requires training or intelligence and only a moron will use
it, but there will be more help desk calls.<BR>Sent by S. Bussell
<LI>The likelihood of problems occurring is inversely proportional to the
amount of time remaining before the deadline.
<LI>You will always discover errors in your work after you have
printed/submitted it.<BR>The last two laws were sent by Niels Hageman
<LI>90% of a programmer errors come from data from other programmers.<BR>Sent
by <A href="mailto:zytner@xxxxxxxxx";>Emanuel</A>
<LI>'Illegal Error' messages only happen when you forget to save your
work<BR>Sent by <A href="mailto:abdulm0hsin@xxxxxxxxxxx";>Abdul Mohsin</A>
<LI>If you make the letters in your Word document bigger and then you print
it
out, you'll have everything on the first page and only one line on the
second.<BR>Sent by <A href="mailto:just4nadine@xxxxxxxxx";>Nadine</A>
<LI>the OEM did not actually manufacture the part you need to replace<BR>Sent
by Bryan Lord
<LI>By the time you learn your new computer you'll need a new one.<BR>Sent by
<A href="mailto:romanaround@xxxxxxxxxxxx";>romanaround</A>
<LI>After a software is released, the first bug found will be by a person who
normally does not use that portion of the program but was wondering why he
can't do something he normally would not do.<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:rdgammon@xxxxxxxxx";>Rick G.</A>
<LI>When the Downloading Window says "99%complete", there will be a
fluctuation in the voltage and you'll have to start all over again.<BR>Sent
by
<A href="mailto:ksagar_2000@xxxxxxxxx";>Sagar Kalantre</A>
<LI>Millions of people believe they are animals, but I have yet to meet one
that believe in Windows' stability. Even human stupidity has limits
;-)<BR>Sent by <A href="mailto:wizardtranslations@xxxxxxx";>Sylvain
Galibert</A>
<LI>The troubleshooting guide contains the answer to every problem except
yours.<BR>Sent by <A href="mailto:janowiak@xxxxxxxxxx";>Jesse Janowiak</A>
<LI>Plugins Law<BR>Whenever you install a group of plugins one by one just to
find out which one can make your software work, you either haven't gotten the
right one, or have accidentally skipped the right one or it has become the
last one installed.<BR>Sent by <A href="mailto:bin_ren@xxxxxxxxxxxxx";>Laudney
Ren</A>
<LI>No matter what problem you have with your computer - Its Always
Microsoft's fault<BR>Corollary: If its not their fault - Blame them anyway
:-)<BR>Sent by <A href="mailto:andreik@xxxxxxxxxxxx";>Andrei Keren</A>
<LI>You will get disconnected from the Internet or experience a computer
crash
when you are downloading. If you don't experience one within 80% completion,
then it will happen at 99%. If you do manage to get the file, then it will
turn out to be completely useless and/or invalid.<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:maarin@xxxxxxxxxxx";>Hyung Jin Lee</A>
<LI>You'll always receive an e-mail from a web site that you never visit
before.
<LI>75% of the bugs laws in this page can be applied to MS Windows (Any
version).<BR>The last two laws were sent by <A
href="mailto:ccalderon3@xxxxxxx";>Christian C</A>
<LI>Auto Correct - isn't
<LI>Microsoft excel- doesn't<BR>the last two laws were sent by <A
href="mailto:Fanciful1s@xxxxxxx";>Alegna</A>
<LI>If you need to shutdown your PC ASAP, It will restart.
<LI>The quickest way to shutdown a PC is to unplug it.<BR>Corollary: ACPI
shutdown (sometimes faster to get to than the plug) does not always
work.<BR>Corollary: ACPI shutdown will fail most frequently when you run the
risk of being caught doing something.<BR>Corollaries were sent by <A
href="mailto:css.stravag@xxxxxxxx";>Stravag</A>
<LI>No matter how big a hard drive you buy, you'll need to double it in a
year.<BR>the last three laws were sent by <A
href="mailto:pl_transfer@xxxxxxxxxxx";>Pliaskos</A>
<LI>Complete computer breakdown will happen shortly after the maintenance
person has left.<BR>Sent by Jan Wenall
<LI>A virus will be erased when the hard drive crashes, making it useless for
antivirus program to fix it.<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:anglspoet@xxxxxxx";>mitch</A>
<LI>The problem always exists between one keyboard and it's respective
chair.<BR>(On submission problem was insomnia... zzzzzz)<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:Cpt_Anderson@xxxxxxxxxxx";>Cpt_Anderson</A>
<LI>A program that compile on the first run has an error in the
algorithm<BR>Sent by <A href="mailto:iavor4o@xxxxxxxxxxx";>Iavor Dimitrov</A>
<LI>Edward V. Berard Law<BR>Walking on water and developing software to
specification are easy as long as both are frozen.<BR>Sent by Andre Van Dun
<LI>The smaller the size of your email account, the more junk mail you will
get
<LI>The boss will always come to your workspace when you accidentally open an
adult link
<LI>The more pop-up screens you have, the more likely the boss will come
by<BR>The last three laws were sent by Mark
<LI>A computer is only as smart as the person using it
<LI>If it ain't broke, Overclock it!<BR>The last two laws were sent by <A
href="mailto:Bigmac1181@xxxxxxxxxxx";>Michael Horvath</A>
<LI>If you're in a hurry, your computer will crash, a hard drive will become
corrupted, or your files will be erased. Any way, you're screwed if you have
a
deadline.<BR>Sent by <A href="mailto:clpo13@xxxxxxxxxxxxx";>Logan</A>
<LI>Software Reliability:<BR>Investment in software reliability will increase
until it exceeds the probable cost of errors.<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:Bill.Pramik@xxxxxxx";>Bill Pramik</A>
<LI>Computer sadism: When the computer causes physical or mental damage to a
person and can't receive such a return favor (due to management rules).
<LI>Computer masochism: When a computer takes all the abuse you think you can
give it and continues working as it should.
<LI>The sound of grinding metal or the sight of smoke coming from a case is a
warning that you are trying to do too much with too little.
<LI>The survivability of a system is directly proportional to the price of
the
cooling system applied to it and inversely proportional to the amount of use
it sees.
<LI>Antivirus systems only effectively work on a virus after given virus has
passed its prime.
<LI>The most frightening of viruses is the virus you do not know is already
there.<BR>The last six laws were sent by <A
href="mailto:css.stravag@xxxxxxxx";>Stravag</A>
<LI>The amount of damage that a string of code can do is inversely
proportional to the length of the string<BR>Sent by <A
href="mailto:rocketman_85@xxxxxxxxxxx";>Kit Balmer</A>
<LI>You only receive instant messaging, when working on a project that's due
instantly<BR>Sent by Keith </LI></UL></DIV></FONT></DIV>
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