• From: "Harold Kitching" <harold.kitching01@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: "Pam Camidge" <pam.camidge@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "Forum chats guade forum" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Wed, 25 Jan 2012 21:55:04 -0000

: FW: Good one









UK Tax Guidance



Sometime this year,  we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic
Stimulus' payment..    

This is indeed a very exciting program,  and I'll explain it by using a Q &
A format: 
Q.  What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ? 
A.  It is money that the government will send to taxpayers. 
Q..  Where will the government get this money ? 
A.  From taxpayers. 
Q.  So the government is giving me back my own money ? 
A.  Only a smidgen of it. 
Q.  What is the purpose of this payment ? 
A.  The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV
set,  thus stimulating the economy. 
Q..  But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ? 
A.  Shut up. 
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. economy by
spending your stimulus cheque wisely:        
*  If you spend the stimulus money at Asda or Tesco,  the money will go to
China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka . 
*  If you spend it on petrol,  your money will go to the Arabs. 
*  If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or  China .  
*  If you purchase fruit and vegetables,  it will go to Mexico , Honduras
and Guatemala .. 
*  If you buy an efficient  car,  it will go to Japan or Korea . 

*  If  you purchase useless stuff,  it will go to Taiwan . 
*  If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares,  it will go to
management bonuses and they will hide it offshore. 
Instead,  keep the money in the UK by: 
1)  Spending it at car boot sales,  or      
2)  Going to night clubs,  or    
3)  Spending it on prostitutes, or   
4)  Buy Beer or whisky, or    
5) Get yourself a Tattoo, or 

6) Visit a bookie, or
(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. ) 
Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at
a car boot sale and drink beer day and night ! 

No need to thank me,  I'm just glad I could be of help.  

You will

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