[guide.chat] auful jokes
- From: "harold kitching" <harold.kitching01@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: "pam camidge" <pam.camidge@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "guide chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "gary wiggins" <gary128169@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Wed, 2 Jan 2013 21:52:55 -0000
:Fwd: orful jokes!
: orful joakes
Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.
Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said,
"Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"
Mabel answered, "I have a
suppository in my ear?"
She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.
Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid."
When the husband finally died, his wife put the usual death notice in the paper,
but added that he died of gonorrhea.
No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and
complained bitterly,
"You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."
Replied the
widow, "I
nursed him
night and day
so of course I
know he died
of diarrhea,
but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover
rather than the big shit he always was."
An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy.
They were standing on the back of the boat watching the storm,
when a wave came up and washed the old man overboard.
They searched for days and couldn't find him,
so the captain sent the old woman back to shore with the promise that he would
notify her as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old woman got a fax from the boat.
It read: "Ma'am, sorry to inform you, we found your husband dead at the bottom
of the ocean.
We hauled him up to the deck and attached to his butt was an oyster and in it
was a pearl worth $50,000. Please advise."
The old woman faxed
back:
"Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."
A funeral service was being held for a woman who had just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pallbearers were carrying the casket out when
they accidentally bumped into a wall, jarring the casket.
They heard a faint moan. They opened the casket and found that the woman was
actually alive!
She lived for ten more years, and then died. Once again, a ceremony was held,
and at the end
Of it, the pallbearers were again
carrying out the casket. As they
carried the casket
Towards the door, the husband cried out, "Watch that wall!"
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