[guide.chat] This is only a joke so please do not take it seriously ,its only a joke

From: Keith Wines <muckyduck2@xxxxxxxxx>
To: "guide chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Wed, 9 Nov 2011 18:29:30 -0000


: This is only a joke so please do not take it seriously ,its only a joke

-----Original Message-----
From: anne  bradley - Email Address: anne.bradley@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent On: 08/11/2011 15:17
Sent To: muckyduck2@xxxxxxxxx

There is no intension to offend in any of my postings but if you do not like 
them ,then in future just delete them .

Please note this is only a joke and not as important as it looks ,its just a 
joke.  Keith 
 
Essex Hurricane Appeal
-
        Essex Hurricane Appeal
A major hurricane
        (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale 
hit
        Essex in the early hours of Tuesday with its epicentre in Basildon .
         Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering
        "Faaackinell".

The
        hurricane decimated the area causing almost £30 worth of damage. 
Several
        priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol
        were damaged beyond repair.  Three areas of historic burnt out cars
        were disturbed.  Many locals were woken well before their Giros
        arrived.

Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused
        and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact 
that
        something interesting had happened in Basildon.  One resident -
        Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a
        shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom
        crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept 
through
        it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching 
Jeremy
        Kyle the next morning."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected
        and carried on as normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates
        of Special Brew to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue 
workers
        are still searching through the rubble and have found large 
quantities
        of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from 
Ratners
        and Bone China from the Pound shop.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels
        for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. 
Clothing
        is most sought after - items most needed
        include:
    Fila or Burberry baseball
        caps
    Kappa tracksuit tops (his and
        hers)
    Shell suits
        (female)
    White stilettos

    White sport
        socks
    Rockport
        boots
    Any other items usually sold in
        Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by but are needed all the
        same. Required foodstuffs include:
    Microwave
        meals
    Tins of baked
        beans
    KFC
    Ice
        cream
    Cans of Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for
        filling in the compensation forms
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue
        fizzy drinks for a family of nine
£5 buys fags and a lighter to calm
        the nerves of those affected.
**BREAKING NEWS**
Rescue workers found a
        girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop and were worried 
she
        had been badly cut...
"Where are you bleeding from?" they
        asked,
"Romford" said the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv
        you?"

Please don't forward
        this to anyone living in Essex - oh, sod it, they won't be able to 
read
        it, anywa

y.
[guide.chat] This is only a joke so please do not take it seriously ,its only a joke

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