[guide.chat] My story
- From: "clare moulds" <clare@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: "Guide Chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Thu, 2 Aug 2012 20:25:55 +0100
Here's some of my life story. a basic outline of it. I won't mention names or
places with this being online I will just tell the story without saying names
or places. Here goes. Enjoy.
I was born in 1976 and am a twin. We were both born 2 months premature, we
should have been born in August but were born in June. We were put into
incubators and sadly this is the cause of my blindness as was given too much
oxygen to the brain. My twin sister is sighted so you could say she's the lucky
one and had a lucky escape there. Our parents told us we weighed no more than a
bag of sugar so it was touch and go as to whether we would survive. How scary.
Then my parents had to deal with the shock of finding out one of their twins
was totally blind. How scary though to think I was born sighted yet was blinded
by complications in the incubator. Nothing could be done so they couldn't sue
the hospital and anyway it wouldn't bring me my sight so no point. I can't
remember much of my early years but I was sent to play school with my sister we
loved it and I always enjoyed playing with beads and tinkling a bit on the
piano. I also loved playing with my mum's high heel shoes and clomping them
together I just loved the sound they made. I even tried to wear them myself and
even said I would wear them all the time when I was older but sadly I'm not
able to walk in them now I would soon fall over such a shame. From the age of 5
I went to the same mainstream schools as my sister. My parents had to fight to
keep me in mainstream schools as back in the 80's having a blind child in
mainstream schools wasn't even heard of. My parents refused to send me away to
a special school for the blind as they wanted to keep me at home with the
family which as a small child I was so happy about. I had my own support tutor
who stayed me till I left school at 16. This was provided to me through our
local blind society and education authority. There was no computers back then
for blind people to use so I had to do all my work in braille on an old Perkins
braille machine and my special tutor would transcribe my work into print for
the teachers to read a very tedious job for her it took her such a lot of time.
She also had to transcribe all my work books into braille so she certainly had
her work cut out. I really enjoyed primary school. At the age of 10 I moved to
secondary school. Then at 14 to 16 I was at the upper school where I achieved
all my exams English being one of my best subjects. I even got the chance to do
cookery I really enjoyed that. They even got me a cooker and marked it up for
me so I could use it safely although with supervision of course. I used to cook
all sorts of yummy goodies with the others such as some meals, cakes etc. I
also loved doing craft even back then. I did so well in art and design. Instead
of drawing things I was allowed to make collages with different textures and I
was allowed to do a lot of pottery and even sewing with supervision. In sewing
I made a corn on the cob the corn was indicated by beads and the leaves by
ribbed material. I did a Christmas cake too with Satin for the icing and little
blobs of felt for the fruit. I even made a material version of fish and chips
using a kind of ribbed material with stuffing in then made into strips for the
chips and for the fish I used a crinkly material with stuffing in. For the peas
I used material gathered into little balls and a little stuffing in each one. I
was never allowed to do P E. Physical Education it was called then although I
was allowed to go on the trampoline with someone else it was so scary all
wobbly like jelly I didn't feel safe on my own. I had to put up with bullying
at the big schools nothing physical but emotional bullying. That's where it all
started for me. I believe the kids even went as far as to think that my support
worker was doing my work for me but that wasn't true. She was just there to
assist me of course not do it for me. I never played outside with my sister
and the other kids I was either with my parents or my grandparents on my dad's
side who I was really close to. I certainly loved being with my grandparents we
had such fun and we played the special games I had from the RNIB such as my
dominoes which I still have after all these years they have done me good
service. My granddad taught me to play 5's and 3's he used to play in a pub
domino team so I had a top tutor. We also played the board games I still have
such as snakes and ladders and ludo. I now play these sometimes with my own
nephew and niece. My grandparents would look after me and my sister every
Saturday night while our parents went out although we never stayed overnight
like kids do today at their grandparents. We loved our Saturday nights. When we
were both teenagers I often felt so left out as my sister was doing all the
normal things teenagers do and I wasn't doing any of that. There were times
when I would get so upset and in a way I rebelled against my parents as
couldn't understand why I couldn't do the same as my sister. Also as she got
away with so much that I couldn't I wrongly assumed they loved her more than me
which I now know wasn't true. Also we lived out in the sticks so that didn't
help matters. My parents had no support from anyone not even anyone in the same
boat so it was hard for them too I realise that now I'm older. I realise my
parents only did what they thought was best for me and under the circumstances
with no support from anyone that's all they could do. They did an amazing job
even though some things could have done differently it's not their fault as
they didn't always know what to do. If only there was someone else in the same
boat while I was growing up things may have been a bit different and I would
have had a friend of my own age. I certainly wouldn't have wanted to have gone
away to school though I know that for sure so my parents were very lucky they
had a choice to keep me at home. It's scary to think that it's only in the past
4 years since we moved here I have really started to live some kind of life as
since I had my carer Anna and got into all these clubs I have been well away.
Also where we live now is much better as we have so many more facilities and
transport. It doesn't help that my dad's the only driver in the family my mum
can be stuck at times too. My sister drives but she has her own married life
now with her own family but we see them all a lot which is lovely. It's only in
these past 4 years I have started to become very happy, confident and at peace
with myself and my situation and am stronger able to deal with most situations
and people. Luckily I'm the kind of person who will get on with anyone. When I
left school I went to local colleges and achieved business studies. As you can
imagine it was sad saying goodbye to my support worker who had been with me all
my school life and having to manage without her was a wrench but I got there
with the help of college support workers and as I had different ones for each
subject it got me mixing with more people. Luckily I had my own computer then
so it was much easier to do my work than it was at school on the old Perkins
braille machine. Also as I could type my own work out I didn't need support in
that way. Sadly I applied for lots of jobs but had no success which of course
caused me a lot of emotional turmoil and of course a lot of blaming myself
thinking I wasn't good enough so I gave up in the end. Again a lack of support
didn't help matters. I haven't really had much luck with support from the
authorities and my parents haven't either. I thought I wanted to do office work
but looking back I now realise I would be so bored with that kind of work and
would fancy something else if I had the chance again. Maybe counselling or
journalism. Something like that. Well sadly I have had bullying all my life but
I'm a survivor and a winner and am still here to tell the tale. They say what
doesn't kill us makes us stronger and it's true. I certainly know the meaning
of that saying. Things were better though for me at college than at school as
the students were more aware and treat me as anyone else. I did come across
some situations though where they felt they had to watch what they said in case
they would offend me but I soon learnt to put them at ease and to let them know
they can talk to me as normal. After all I'm a human being just like them so
they should talk to me about anything I don't get offended easily. I would soon
tell them if I didn't like something that was said. I also got that situation
where people would ask my mum what I wanted instead of asking me direct but I
believe all disabled people get this. I did do a kind of assertiveness course
but it wasn't for long enough so I soon stopped practising what I had learnt as
soon went back into my shell. I certainly could have done with a lot more of
that course. Well now I'm feeling better than I have ever done. If I was at
school or college these days there would be so much more support even
emotionally not just practically as having blind kids in mainstream schools is
so common now so they are more aware and have that support on hand. Oh yes my
parents found it so hard to buy me toys as a child as there was hardly anything
out there back then that was suitable for a blind child to play with. They got
me a lot of shape sorters, I played for hours with those I loved sorting the
shapes. I loved playing with beads too and also building wooden bricks and I
also loved making models out of play dough. These days my parents would be
spoiled for choice as there's so many toys out there now I could use and also a
big hole in the pocket in the process haha. Well I have always got on so well
with older people and I appreciate the fact that age doesn't matter it's only a
number so not having many friends of my own age has made me view the situation
differently.In fact there's a few things I feel differently about because of my
circumstances and upbringing as a totally blind person. The only totally blind
person among sighted people. It was very isolating at times. Also at school as
I had my own one to one support with me all the time or most of the time the
kids wouldn't really mix with me a lot. Even though it was ideal for me it did
isolate me in some ways. I also wish I had been sent to music classes I have
always wanted to play the keyboard but I know it's not too late it' sjust a
matter of finding someone to teach me. Well there's an outline of my story.
Love Clare
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