[guide.chat] In Reply To: [guide.chat] Fw: Council house maintenance letters

  • From: "Sally" <se.wooller@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: "Lyn Morgan" <moondustgrey@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "Guide Chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Sun, 22 Mar 2009 15:36:15 -0000

Hi Lyn,

Thank you so much for that hilarious email.
Tears of laughter were coming from my eyes
 as well as small Niagara Falls, down south too!What would we do without a good 
laugh and come to think of it, a packet of Tenor Lady's 
as well?!!


-----Original Message-----
From: Lyn Morgan - Email Address: moondustgrey@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent On: 22/03/2009 11:37
Sent To: Guide Chat - Email Address: guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [guide.chat] Fw: Council house maintenance letters

Hi Everyone

This is a copy of an email which was sent to me.  I thought some of you might 
find it amusing.

Lyn from Manchester, England.  Skype name starlightgold
                  Some of this is nearly English: 
                  Sentences in letters written to councils in UK 

                   1.. It's the dogs' mess that I find hard to swallow

                   2.. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has
                   Backfired and burnt my knob off.

                   3.. I wish to complain that my father burnt his ankle very
                    badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage..

                   4.. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his
                    balls against my fence.

                   5.. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the
                    outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day 
that    blew them off.

                   6..My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

                   7.. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away
                   From the wall.

                   8.. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path.
                   My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is 

                   9.. I request permission to remove my drawers in the

                   10.. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster,
                    and 50% are Plain filthy.

                   11.. I am still having problems with smoke in my new

                   12.. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children
                    until it is Cleared.

                   13..Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a
                    funny colour and Not fit to drink.

                   14..Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three

                   15..I want to complain about the farmer across the road.
                    Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now 
getting too much For me.

                   16..The man next door has a large erection in the back
                    garden, which is Unsightly and dangerous.

                   17..Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and
                    would like a third So please send someone round to do 
something about it.

                   18..I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and
                    would you please do something about the noise made by the   
man on top of me every night.

                   19..Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job
                    and satisfy my wife.

                   20.. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six
                    times but I still have no satisfaction.

                   21.. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is
                    broke and we can't get BBC2.

                   22.. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my
                    back passage has fungus growing in it.

                   23..He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole
                    house and I just can't take it anymore. 

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