[guide.chat] In Reply To: [guide.chat]
- From: "Faye, Cathie, and Mike!" <catherineharris1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: "Guide chat list" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2012 22:04:26 +0100
Hi Harold
I like this one!
Thanks,
Cathie
-----Original Message-----
From: harold kitching - Email Address: harold.kitching01@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent On: 20/10/2012 16:35
Sent To: pam camidge, guide chat - Email Address: pam.camidge@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx,
guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [guide.chat]
:Fwd: Hilarious but true! - RE: Noah in 2012!!!
In the year 2011, the Lord came unto Noah,
who was now living in England and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see
the
end
of all flesh before me."
"Build another Ark and save
2 of every living thing
along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will
start the unending rain for
40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!", He roared,
"I'm about to start the rain!
Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord", begged Noah, "but things have changed."
"I needed a Building Permit."
"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector
about the need for a sprinkler system."
"My neighbours claim that I've violated the
Neighbourhood By-Laws by building the Ark in my
back garden and exceeding the height limitations. We had to
go to the Local Planning Committee
for a decision."
"Then the Local Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed
load of
money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead
obstructions, to clear the
passage for the Ark's move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear
nothing
of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban
on cutting local trees in order to save
the Greater Spotted Barn Owl."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to
save
the owls - but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals the RSPCA took me to court. They
insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals in
a confined space."
"Then the Environmental Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark
until
they'd conducted an environmental impact study
on your proposed flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights
Commission on
how many minorities I'm
supposed to hire for my building crew."
"Immigration are checking the
Visa status of most of the people who
want to work."
"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire
only
Union workers with
Ark-building experience."
"To make matters worse, the Inland Revenue seized all my assets,
claiming I
m trying to leave the country illegally
with endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
finish
this Ark."
"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched
across the sky."
Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to
destroy the world?"
"No", said the Lord.
"The Government beat me to it."
***
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