[guide.chat] Here is a giggle

From: "Keith Wines" <keith.wines@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: "guide chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Fri, 10 Jul 2009 12:59:55 +0100

FWD
Subject: Here's a giggle



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        Just when you thought it was safe to fly!

              After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 
"gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
              The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the 
form, then the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight.
              Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
               
              Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by
              the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions 
recorded (as
              marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.   By the way, it 
is
              relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the 
world that
              has never, ever, had an accident!
               
                    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
                    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
               
                    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
                    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
               
                    P: Something loose in the cockpit.
                    S: Something tightened in the cockpit.
               
                    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per 
minute
                        descent.
                    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
               
                    P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
                    S: Evidence removed.
               
                    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
                    S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.
               
                    P: Friction locks causes throttle levers to stick.
                    S: That's what friction locks are for.
               
                    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
                    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
               
                    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
                    S: Suspect you're right.
               
                    P: The number 3 engine is missing.
                    S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.
               
                    P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
                    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be 
serious.
               
               
                    P: Target radar hums.
                    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
               
                    P: Mouse in cockpit.
                    S: Cat installed.
               
                     P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds 
like a
                         midget pounding on something with a hammer.
                    S: Took hammer away from the midget.
               
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hope you are not flying this weekend ok .

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[guide.chat] Here is a giggle

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