[guide.chat] Fw: Kids

From: "Keith Wines" <keith.wines@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: "guide chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Thu, 30 Jul 2009 10:15:06 +0100

Subject: Fw: Kids


 


                        Why we love children ...  

                        1) NUDITY
                        I was driving with my three young children one warm 
summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. 
She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old 
shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

                        2) OPINIONS
                        On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his 
teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this 
child are not necessarily those of his parents .'

                        3) KETCHUP
                        A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the 
jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to 
answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. 
She's hitting the bottle.'

                        4) MORE NUDITY

                        A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in 
the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with 
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in 
amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little 
boy before?'

                        5) POLICE # 1
                        While taking a routine vandalism report at an 
elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. 
Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered 
and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should 
ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' 
she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?' 

                        6) POLICE # 2
                        It was the end of the day when I parked my police van 
in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was 
barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back 
there?' he asked.
                        'It sure is,' I replied.
                        Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back 
of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

                        7) ELDERLY
                        While working for an organization that delivers lunches 
to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon 
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, 
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at 
a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable 
barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will 
never believe this!'

                        8) DRESS-UP
                        A little girl was watching her parents dress for a 
party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you 
shouldn't wear that suit.'
                        'And why not, darling?'
                        'You know that it always gives you a headache the next 
morning.'

                        9) DEATH
                        While walking along the sidewalk in front of his 
church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar 
wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. 
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box 
and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the 
deceased.
                        The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate 
prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his 
father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into 
the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)   

                        10) SCHOOL
                        A little girl had just finished her first week of 
school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I 
can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

                        11) BIBLE
                        A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was 
fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out 
of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old 
leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
                        'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
                        'What have you got there, dear?'
                        With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he 
answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!' 

                        NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED 
AND FORGET IT 
                          
                       

                 

           
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please forgive me if you have already seen this one from me ,when they come in 
I can not help myself I just want to pass them on again ,so I hope you enjoyed 
it even if you have seen it before ...Keith

No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG - www.avg.com 
Version: 8.5.339 / Virus Database: 270.12.53/2155 - Release Date: 06/04/09 
17:55:00

Attachment: imstp_animation_panda_en_020908.gif
Description: GIF image

[guide.chat] Fw: Kids

Other related posts: