[guide.chat] Forwarded Email: VERY PUNNY!

From: "Roland Wilson" <liguna@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Mon, 17 Sep 2012 17:02:26 +0100

-----Original Message-----

      1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years
      of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of
      the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world.
      Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.
      Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."
      "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested.
      "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"
      Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star,
      makes no difference who you are."

      ---------------------

      2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
      bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss League records were destroyed
      in a fire, ...and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

      ---------------------

      3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's surgery and shouted,
      "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded,
      "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

      ---------------------

      4. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine
      man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin
      strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, 
chew,
      and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the
      medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief
      shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

      ----------------------

      5. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and
      found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted
      on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely
      saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."

      ----------------------

      6. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept
      on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three
      became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who
      slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove
      that... the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws
      of the other two hides. (Some of you may need help with this one).

      -----------------------

      7. A sceptical anthropologist was cataloguing South American folk remedies
      with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a
      particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the
      anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye
      and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need 
enemas."


     
            
     

           
           
           
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[guide.chat] Forwarded Email: VERY PUNNY!

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