[guide.chat] Forwarded Email: Short funnies.
- From: "Carol O'Connor" <missbossyboots33@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: "guide Chat List" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Wed, 29 Sep 2010 11:44:39 +0100
HOW TO START A FIGHT
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery
plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you
last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
________________________________
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying,
'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
________________________________
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
________________________________
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high
school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as
he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago,
and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go
on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
________________________________
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping
channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
________________________________
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made
my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat
up to the van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The
wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back
into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up
to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The
weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you
believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
________________________________
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to
150 in about 3 seconds
"
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
________________________________
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office
to apply for Social
Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application..
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office...
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten
disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
________________________________
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom
mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
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