[guide.chat] Forwarded Email: B-F Please Smile!

From: "Si Watson" <mrsvilla@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: "guide chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Fri, 3 Jun 2011 19:49:45 +0100
Subject: B-F Please Smile!

From the June edition of the "Adverts 4 U" in Kimberley, South Africa,
<outbind://1/www.adverts4u.co.za> www.adverts4u.co.za

 

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in 

pineapple.... English muffins were not invented in England or French fries 

in

France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are 

meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find 

that

quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is 

neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but 

fingers

don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of 

tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So,
one

moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose? If 

teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats 

vegetables,

what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play, 

and play at a recital? Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses 

that

run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a 

slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy 

are

opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell 

another? When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling
it

out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on. When the stars are out, they 

are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when

I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

 

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[guide.chat] Forwarded Email: B-F Please Smile!

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