Greetings all. Is there any event among human endeavours in which you believe -- which is NOT a conspiracy? Paul D Below: Found on the internet. Quite humorous I thought. bb --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Vast Conspiracy Against Me I must be the most important human being ever to exist, because some sort of higher power is doing everything it can to make my life a living hell. When I say I'm human I'm probably wrong, I think that maybe I am a different race to everyone else, because everyone else's life is so perfect, and this does not vary from person to person. Therefore being "human" is to have a perfect life in every way which is the polar opposite to mine. Humans possess the ability to teleport themselves and objects short distances ( to shunt themselves around in queues and to grab things before I can, etcetera ). Humans tap into the Great Social Psychic Kollektive in order to know each other's thoughts and feelings, hence no-one ever has a failed relationship other than me. This is because they all know instantly what others feel about them ( never negative emotions, as humans are so far removed from anything short of heaven than they cannot comprehend negative emotions ). To a human, imagining suffering is like imagining a four sided triangle. Human is like the opposite of pain. The clips you see on TV about poor children in Africa or homeless people are propagandas released by this higher power in order to give the impression that people other than me ever suffer, but the truth is they are all wealthy, powerful people, just like you, and just like everyone other than me. Human mating rituals are interesting. Normal procedure is for the male to drug the female through weed or alcohol or other means, have sex with her and then abandon her. Females love this. There's nothing a female loves more than to settle down with some guy, as long as he gets her drunk and buys her things. Access to money, physical power and good looks are the only things women look for. The higher power has the ability to perform minor manipulations of time and space to make my life hell, such as increasing the pressure in a soda bottle so it will explode when I open it, no matter how still it is. It can also teleport a wall in front of doors and teleport it out again quick enough for me to walk into it but also so that no-one else sees it. As it is clearly a powerful entity, it taps into the Great Social Kollektive and psychically commands its legions of brainless morons ( Evil People ) to despise me on sight. Random attacks in the street are common. I have been analysing this entity since I was born and have learned much about humans and it. It seems that what makes human lives so perfect must be some sort of gene or device, which I lack, making me non-human. I have grown up without this and have learned to struggle through life without the crutch of perfection. Can you imagine? My every wish is not fulfilled and I have to put actual effort into achieving things, while simultaniously competing with both humans and the entity that is bent on my destruction. I'm fighting every single one of you and also a god or diety, yet I have lived for 46 years. I know why this entity despises me. I am living proof of that which humans possess to make their life perfect is not neccessary to life. I am a living billboard of freedom from The Kollektive. I make you feel uncomfortable when I'm near. When I pass by you in the street, you want to kill me. You despise everything I stand for - freedom from society. Operatives come to subtly undermine my life. But I have lived through all their attempts. They are usually successful at making me miserable, but all attempts on my life have failed. They have tried to drive me to suicide but my rage and hate for Evil People and their benefactors drives me forward. I AM THE ANTI-SATANIST --------------------------------- Luggage? GPS? Comic books? Check out fitting gifts for grads at Yahoo! Search.