I thought this was of interest to geocachers and outdoors-folks.
<x-tad-bigger>This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's response is hilarious, and you might know, he's a lawyer, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.
> ------------------------------------------
> SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023;
> T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
>
> Dear Mr. DeVries: It has come to the attention of the Department of
> Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity
> on
> the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as
> the
> legal landowner and/ or contractor who did the following unauthorized
> activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across
> the
> outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the
> start of
> this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that
> no
> permits have been issued.
>
> Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in
> violation
> of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
> Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994,
> being
> sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,
> annotated.
>
> The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams
> partially
> failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at
> downstream
> locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous
> and
> cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and
> desist
> all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a
> free-flow
> condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the
> stream
> channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January
> 31,
> 2003.
>
> Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
> that a
> follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to
> comply
> with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may
> result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We
> anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
> Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any
> questions.
>
> Sincerely,
> David L. Price
> District Representative
> Land and Water Management Division
>
> ** This is the actual response sent back: **
> Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N;
> R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
> Dear Mr. Price,
> Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond
> to.
> I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,
> Pierson,
> Michigan.
>
> A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of
> constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet
> stream
> of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise
> their
> dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their
> skillful use of
> natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your
> department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any
> place
> you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could
> ever
> match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam
> ingenuity,
> their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work
> ethic.
> As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they
> must
> first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
> activity.
>
> My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate
> against
> my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers throughout
> this
> State to conform to said dam request?
>
> If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through
> the
> Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those
> other
> applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will
> see if
> there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams,
> of
> the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
> Public
> Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan
> Compiled
> Laws, annotated.
>
> I have several concerns. My first concern is...aren't the beavers
> entitled
> to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially
> destitute
> and are unable to pay for said representation, so the State will have
> to
> provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that
> either one
> or both of
> the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof
> that
> this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to
> protect.
> In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather
> than
> harassing them andcalling their dam names.
>
> If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition
> please
> contact the beavers, but if you are going to arrest them, they
> obviously did
> not pay any attention to your dam letter...they being unable to read
> English.
>
> In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to
> build
> their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green
> and
> water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live
> and
> enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and
> Environmental
> Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural
> resources
> (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
>
> So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can
> be
> referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait
> until
> 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and
> there
> will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
>
> In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
> environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!
> Bears
> are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should
> be
> persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you
> are
> going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are
> not
> careful where they dump!)
>
> Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable
> to
> contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response
> to
> your dam office.
>
> Thank You,
> Ryan DeVries & The Dam Beavers</x-tad-bigger>
