"My memory for names is horrible. (I once asked Ted Kennedy how he recalled
names and he advised that if a man is over 50, just ask “how’s the back?”
and he’ll think you know him.)
I often can’t remember where I put my wallet and keys or why I’ve entered a
room. And certain proper nouns have disappeared altogether. Even when
rediscovered, they have a diabolical way of disappearing again. Biden’s
secret service detail can worry about his wallet and he’s got a
teleprompter for wayward nouns, but I’m sure he’s experiencing some
diminution in the memory department.
I have lost much of my enthusiasm for travel and feel, as did Philip
Larkin, that I would like to visit China, but only on the condition that I
could return home that night. Air Force One makes this possible under most
circumstances. If not, it has a first-class bedroom and personal bathroom,
so I don’t expect Biden’s trips are overly taxing.
I’m told that after the age of 60, one loses half an inch of height every
five years. This doesn’t appear to be a problem for Biden but it presents a
challenge for me, considering that at my zenith I didn’t quite make it to
five feet. If I live as long as my father did, I may vanish.
Another diminution I’ve noticed is tact. A few days ago, I gave the finger
to a driver who passed me recklessly on the highway. These days, giving the
finger to a stranger is itself a reckless act.
I’m also noticing I have less patience, perhaps because of an unconscious
“use by” timer that’s now clicking away. Increasingly I wonder why I’m
wasting time with this or that buffoon. I’m less tolerant of long waiting
lines, automated phone menus, and Republicans.
Cicero claimed “older people who are reasonable, good-tempered, and
gracious bear aging well. Those who are mean-spirited and irritable will be
unhappy at every stage of their lives.” Easy for Cicero to say. He was
forced into exile and murdered at the age of 63, his decapitated head and
right hand hung up in the Forum by order of the notoriously mean-spirited
and irritable Marcus Antonius.
How the hell does Biden maintain tact or patience when he has to deal with
Mitch McConnell? Or Joe Manchin? And very soon with Kevin McCarthy, for
crying out loud?
The style sections of the papers tell us that the 70s are the new 50s.
Septuagenarians are supposed to be fit and alert, exercise like mad, have
rip-roaring sex, and party until dawn.
Rubbish. Inevitably, things begin falling apart. My aunt, who lived far
into her nineties, told me “getting old isn’t for sissies.” Toward the end
she repeated that phrase every two to three minutes.
Am I repeating myself?
I’m doing videos on TikTok and Snapchat, but when my students talk about
Ariana Grande or Selena Gomez or Jared Leto, I don’t have clue who they’re
talking about (and frankly don’t care). And I find myself using words –-
“hence,” “utmost,” “therefore,” “tony,” “brilliant” — that my younger
colleagues find charmingly old-fashioned. If I refer to “Rose Marie Woods”
or “Jackie Robinson” or “Ed Sullivan” or “Mary Jo Kopechne,” they’re
bewildered. The culture has flipped in so many ways. When I was seventeen,
I could go into a drugstore and confidently ask for a package of Luckies
and nervously whisper a request for condoms. Now it’s precisely the
reverse. (I stopped smoking long ago.)"
