From: Rick Gafuik <ricali@xxxxxxx>
Sent: August 23, 2021 4:03 PM
To: Delta Sig Delta Sig <dsp.ea.large.messages@xxxxxxxxx>
Subject: Funny things kids say
Elementary school teachers will agree with these.
Rick 🚲
Some views of the world by the young ones
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman
in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the
shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't
wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his
mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents.'
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle
the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels
and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter,
haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old.
Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?
Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report.
My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police.
Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told
her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you
please tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a
little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he
said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I
used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned
and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't
wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the
intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his
5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box
and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the
deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous
dignityintoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be
unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my
time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't
read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible.
He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something
fell out of the Bible.
He picked up the object and looked at it.
What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there,dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he
answered, 'I think it's Adam 's underwear!'
NOW
IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT!
