[DECtalk], red dwarf- episode 2 - future echoes

  • From: "Sean Randall" <Shwatscoff@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: "dectalk list" <dectalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Fri, 7 Feb 2003 16:21:17 -0000

here it is, pasted below. enjoy!
its' up on the site - if it's up. bloody hosts. never mind - have a laugh
with this one!
<!---begins--->
[:phone on]
future echoes
[_<800>]

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   This is
an S O S distress call from
the mining ship Red Dwarf.  The crew are dead, killed by a radiation
leak.  The only survivors are Dave Lister, who was in suspended animation
during the disaster, and his pregnant cat, who was safely sealed in
the hold.  Revived three million years later, Lister's only companions
are a life form who evolved from his cat, and Arnold Rimmer, a hologram
simulation of one of the dead crew.  I am Holly, the ship's computer,
with an i q of 6000, the same i q as 6000 p e teachers.

[_<800>]
[:np] [:ra 245]
A corridor in the ship.  Lister is hooning around on a 3 wheeler.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]    Lived
an old plutonium miner and
his daughter, Clementine.  [:np] [:ra 245]
Stops in front of a food dispensing machine.

[:nf] [:dv br 0 sm 0 bf 0 hr 0 sr 1]  [:ra 220]  Yeth?  Can I help you?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   You've
got a lisp.

[:nf] [:dv br 0 sm 0 bf 0 hr 0 sr 1]  [:ra 220]  Yeth, I know.  The lithp
malfunction hath been
reported to the Thkutterth.  Thorry for the inconvenienthe.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Can you
give me a bacon sandwich with French
mustard and black coffee?

[:np] [:ra 245]
The dispenser hums and produces a pair of gumboots.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Your
vocabulary unit's not working either.

[:nf] [:dv br 0 sm 0 bf 0 hr 0 sr 1]  [:ra 220]  Yeth, I know.  Thith altho
hath been reported to
the Thkutterth.  Thorry for the inconvenienthe.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Can you
just try and give me a black coffee?

[:nf] [:dv br 0 sm 0 bf 0 hr 0 sr 1]  [:ra 220]  I'll thertainly try.
 [:np] [:ra 245]
Produces a bucket.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   That's
a bucket.

[:nf] [:dv br 0 sm 0 bf 0 hr 0 sr 1]  [:ra 220]  Thorry.

[:np] [:ra 245]
Rimmer comes jogging along the corridor, wearing singlet and shorts,
singing something inanely cheerful.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Morning,
Lister.  How's life in hippie heaven,
you pregnant baboon bellied space cookie?  What's the plan for the
day then?  Slobbing in the morning, followed by slobbing in the afternoon,
then a bit of a snooze before the main evening's slob?  God, you're
a disgrace to the species. [:np] [:ra 245]
Turns around and jogs off out of sight.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Good
morning, Rimmer.

[_<800>]
[:np] [:ra 245]
Rimmer jogs into the mess room and stops.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Clock stop!
[:np] [:ra 245]
Checks his watch.]
[:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] 6:47, not a
bad little time for the mile.  Pity I was only doing the 300 metres.  Still,
I had that conversation with Lister, knock four minutes off for that,
and I stopped to have a rest so I wouldn't look too shagged out when
I went past him, knock that off   and I've broken the world record!  Well
done, Rimsey, you're fitter than you thought!  Holly, give me a clean
uniform.

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   9:47
AM, Arnold.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   No, a clean
uniform, you idiot.

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   Look,
I'm rather busy at the moment.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Now.

[:np] [:ra 245]
Holly sighs, and Rimmer is suddenly wearing a clean uniform.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Ahhh.  And
give me a crew cut, Holly.  I'm beginning
to look like one of those Hell's Angels.

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   Arnold.
We're going to hit lightspeed in 24 hours.  I
have to guide a ship the size of a city through speeds never before
encountered in the human sphere of experience.  I'm not a combination
of the speaking clock, Moss Bros, and Tweezy Wheezy.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Holly, a
hologram I may be, but I'm still the
highest ranking technician aboard this ship.  When I say do something,
you do it. Understand, you stupid jumped up Filofax?

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   I'm a
what?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   You heard.
Just get on with it.  *Very* short.

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   OK,
Arnold.

[:np] [:ra 245]
Rimmer suddenly has a spectacularly ridiculous looking beehive hair do.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Have you done
it, Hol?

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   Yes.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   A crewcut?
And it's very short?

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   Yes,
Arnold.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   As my father
always said, Shining clean boots
and a spanking short hair cut and you can cope with anything. He said
that just before that rather unfortunate suicide business.  [:np] [:ra 245]
Rimmer Marches
off.]

[_<800>]
[:np] [:ra 245]
Lister and Rimmer's cabin.  Lister is taking stuff out of his locker
and packing it in a box.  The Cat is eating, and looking at Lister's
slide collection on a wall monitor.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Ah, now
that one's me with Jim Bexley Speed.  He
played with the London Jets zero gravity football team.  He was roof
attack.  As you can see, he was really really really really really
thrilled to meet me.  [:np] [:ra 245]
In the picture, Lister is grinning like a maniac
and Jim is staring at him with a who the smeg is this berk? expression.

[:np] [:ra 245]
  Changing pictures, to one of an ugly individual
bearing a vague resemblance to Lister.
[:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] Who's that guy?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   That's
me grandmother.  She brought me up.  She
was a great old lady.  I got expelled from school once [kaoz] she
nutted the headmaster when I came bottom in French.

[:np] [:ra 245]
Changes pictures to a spacescape.
[:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] Wow, that's
nice!

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   That's
just the Jupiter rise.  Everyone takes
that.

[:np] [:ra 245]
Changes to a close-up of an ugly bull terrier,
with part of a man's coat in the background.
[:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] Who is *that?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   That's
me dad.  That's the only picture I've
got of him.

 [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]   He's your father?  No
wonder you're so ugly.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   No, no,
that's his dog, Hannah.

 [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]   Dog?  What's a dog?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   It's
just a pet.

 [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]   Ugh, ugleeee.  [:np]
[:ra 245]
He Starts to claw at the screen.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Listen,
you go and get your stuff and let me
pack mine, OK?  Will you do that for me?

 [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]   This dog, he better not
be around here any place,
[kaoz] if he is, I may have to chase him.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Oh
yeah?

 [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]   Yeah.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Do you
know how big they are?  They're about
18 foot long, and they've got teeth as big as your leg.

 [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]   Yeah?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Yeah.

 [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]   Well, I may have to
chase him anyway.  [:np] [:ra 245]
He Goes to
leave, and backs into the door. [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra
250] Aagh!  [:np] [:ra 245]
Spins round and looks cautiously
out into the corridor before leaving.

[:np] [:ra 245]
Lister notices something wrong in his goldfish tank.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Oh,
Lennon.  Look what's happened to Mccartney.

[:np] [:ra 245]
He goes over to the tank and grabs one of the fish.  He holds up
to his ear and shakes it, then bangs it on the table a couple of times
and listens to it again.  Finally he uses a screwdriver to pry it
open (we now see that it's mechanical) and make some hamfisted adjustments.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Solid
mechanical engineering.  [:np] [:ra 245]
Closes it up
and drops it back in the tank, where it starts swimming around.
[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Hey!
Perfection!  And
they said you was a waste of money.

[:np] [:ra 245]
Rimmer enters.  The cat follows him in and walks around him, staring
at his ridiculous hair cut.  Lister is busy packing and doesn't notice.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   What's he
looking at?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Who?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   That idiotic
cat.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   [:dv pr
900 sr 900 hr 9900] Rimmer,
what have you done to your hair?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Holly did it.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Why?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Because I
ordered him to.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   It
looks ridiculous.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   It may look
ridiculous to you, Lister, but I
like it like this. It makes me feel like a man.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Yeah,
and you'll probably get one, looking like
that.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   There's
nothing wrong with short hair, Lister.  It
gives a man a sense of dignity, a sense of discipline.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Rimmer,
have you seen it?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   I don't need
to see it.  I didn't get this hair cut
to look good. This is a hair cut designed for action, not poncing around
in.  It may be a bit severe, a bit too green beret, but you are how
you look, and I look [:np] [:ra 245]
[_<400>] he finally sees himself in the mirror
[:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] like a complete
and total tit!  Holly! Holly!

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   This is
a recording.  I'm afraid Holly is busy
at the moment.  If you'd like to leave a message after the bleep,
he'll get back to you. [:tone<1000,350>]
 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Holly, this is
Rimmer.  Remember me?  Rimmer.  Arnold
Rimmer.  The poor goit you made look like Helen Shapiro.  I'll see
you toast on the fires of hell for this.

[:np] [:dv br 100 lx 100 bf 100 hr 100 sr 100 as 100 qu 100 ap 110 pr 150 sx
1 la 0]  [:ra 210]   Did someone say they wanted toast?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Shut up.
[:np] [:ra 245]
To Lister, who has started packing
again.
[:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] What are you
doing?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   I'm
going into stasis.  I thought Holly told you.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Stasis?  What
for?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Well,
Holly said to go into it while we went
through lightspeed, and then I thought, what the hell, why not stay
in till we get back to Earth?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Earth?  But
that's three million years away!  You
can't leave me alone for three million years, I'll go peculiar.  [:np] [:ra
245]
Starts
patting his hair do.
[:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]  Holly, look, I'm
sorry, I didn't mean to be rude.  Can
I please have my own hair back?  [_<750>]  Pretty please with sugar
on?

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   I'll
think about it, Arnold.

[_<800>]
[:np] [:ra 245]
Cut to the bridge.  Lister enters, carrying a box of his stuff, followed
by Rimmer.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Holly's
supposed to have told you.  I thought
you didn't mind.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Mind?  Mind?
Why should I mind?  Three hundred
thousand millennia alone while you're in suspended animation.  I'll
be fine.  I'll do that crossword book, that should kill a couple of
centuries.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]
Holly'll switch you off until we come back out.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Even better.
Switch me on, switch me off, like
I'm some battery powered sex aid.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Oh,
come on, Rimmer, don't give me this.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Don't give you
what?  I'm dead, Lister, or hadn't
you noticed?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   I know
you're dead, Rimmer, don't whinge on about
it!

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Sorry to be a
bore.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   I mean,
you're everything you were when you were
alive.  Same personality.  Same everything.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Apart from the
minuscule detail that I'm a stiffie.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Look,
Rimmer, death isn't the handicap it used
to be in the olden days.  It doesn't screw your career up like it
used to.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   That's what
they say, Lister.  But if you had
two people coming for a job, and one of them was dead, which one would
you pick?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   It
depends which was better qualified.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Bull pats!
When was the last time you saw a
dead newsreader?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Channel
27 have a hologram reading the news.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Oh, groovy
funky Channel 27.  Big smegging deal.  You
livvies hate us deadies.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Rimmer,
if I'm gonna go back to Earth I'm gonna
have to go into stasis.  It's gonna take 4000 years just to turn around.
You
can't do a three point turn when you're this close to lightspeed,
you know.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Oh really?
And where did you read that, the
Ladybird Book of Astro-Navigation?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   It
happens to be true.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   I know it's
true, modo.  I have taken the astro-navigation
exam nine times.  Ten, if you count the time I had my spasm.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Rimmer,
you'll only be turned off until we get
back to Earth.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Where you
won't need me, so I won't get switched
back on.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   They
might be able to cure you.  They've probably
made great advances and that while we've been away.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Oh, yes, I
expect they cured death the instant
we left Earth.  I expect doctors' surgeries are packed with the dead.
Hello,
Misses  Johnson, take one of these three times a day, you'll soon be living
again.  Carol, next corpse please.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Well,
they might!

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Yes, Lister,
they might, if the Earth hasn't
blown up.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Or the
ants haven't taken over.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Well, you'll
be in your element if insects are
in control.  You'll probably get a decent job at last.

[:np] [:ra 245]
Lister Picks up his box and goes to leave.
[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]  Yeah,
yeah.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   You'll
probably run for government.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Yeah,
yeah.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   You'll
probably even make it as a male model.

[:np] [:ra 245]
Lister leaves.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   [giht.]

[_<800>]
[:np] [:ra 245]
External shot of the ship, then cut to Lister in their cabin.  He's
freshening himself up, which for Lister means reaching under his T-shirt
to scratch with one hand and spray under his arms with the other.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   To
Ganymede and Titan, yes sir, I've
been around, but there ain't no place in the whole of space like that
good old toddlin' town. [:np] [:ra 245]
Picks up another spray can in his free hand
and sprays his face. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr
30 sr 30] Oh, Lunar sih

[:np] [:ra 245]
He suddenly realises that he's spraying his face with underarm deodorant.
Cautiously reaching under his shirt, he discovers that he's been spraying
shaving foam under his arms.  He scrapes off a handful and slaps it
on his face.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Lunar
City Seven
[:np] [:dv br 100 lx 100 bf 100 hr 100 sr 100 as 100 qu 100 ap 110 pr 150 sx
1 la 0]  [:ra 210]   You can't sing, you know.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   And you
can, can you?

[:np] [:dv br 100 lx 100 bf 100 hr 100 sr 100 as 100 qu 100 ap 110 pr 150 sx
1 la 0]  [:ra 210]  Oh.  Just because I'm a toaster, I'm tone deaf?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Well,
go on then.

[:np] [:dv br 100 lx 100 bf 100 hr 100 sr 100 as 100 qu 100 ap 110 pr 150 sx
1 la 0]  [:ra 210]  Welcome to the Starlight Ballroom, hey, [:np] [:ra 245]
starts
singing
[:np] [:dv br 100 lx 100 bf 100 hr 100 sr 100 as 100 qu 100 ap 110 pr 150 sx
1 la 0]  [:ra 210]  fly me to the moon and let me!

[:np] [:ra 245]
Lister walks over to the Toaster and bashes it on the top.  It stops
singing.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Lunar
City Seven

[_<800>]
[:np] [:ra 245]
Cut to the ship in space, although we can still hear Lister's singing
in the background.  Suddenly there's a loud `bang' and everything
changes colour to a red blur on white space.


[:np] [:ra 245]
Cut back to the cabin; the colour distortion is still there, but
quickly fades back to normal.  Lister looks around wildly in surprise.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   What
was that?

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   Erm,
er, 11:14 ship time, Dave.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   No,
Holly, what was that flash?

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   We've
broken the light barrier 22 hours early.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Oh.
[:np] [:ra 245]
Resumes shaving.
[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]  Is
everyone all right?

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   I can't
do it.  I can't cope.  We're going at
the speed of light. Me bottle's gone.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Holly!
Is everyone all right?

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   No!
I'm not!  I thought I could navigate at lightspeed,
but I just can't wrap me head round it.  [:np] [:ra 245]
Suddenly looks to one side.
[:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220] Gordon
Bennett, that was a close one!

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Holly,
what's the problem?  You're supposed to
have an i q of 6000, aren't you?

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   Look,
we're travelling faster than the speed of
light.  That means, by the time we see something, we've already passed
through it.  Even with an i q of 6000, it's still brown trousers time.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Can I
help?

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   No,
it's all right.  I'm getting the hang of it now.  Left a bit, straighten
her up.  I better go. [:np] [:ra 245]
he Fades out.

Lister continues Shaving in front of the mirror, and singing
again.
[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]  To
Ganymede and Titan, yes sir, I've been around

[:np] [:ra 245]
He suddenly realises that his image in the mirror isn't following
his movements properly.  He stops and stares at it; his image continues
shaving.  After a moment he turns away, and doesn't notice that his
reflection has cut its chin.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Rimmer!
Rimmer!

[:np] [:ra 245]
As he turns back to the mirror, his reflection turns away and shouts
something.  Rimmer comes running up behind it.  The real Lister whirls
around, but Rimmer isn't there on his side of the mirror.  Eventually
he turns back to the mirror, where Lister and Rimmer are holding a
conversation.  The real Lister starts shaving again, keeping a close
watch on the mirror.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   To
Ganymede and Titan, yes sir, I've
been a  [:np] [:ra 245]
Suddenly realises he's cut himself on the chin.  Shouts.
[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] *Rimmer!

[:np] [:ra 245]
rimmer runs in!
[:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]  What?  What is
it?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Did you
see anything really weird in that mirror?

[:np] [:ra 245]
he stares at it blankly for a moment. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap
150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Yes,
you, you ugly goit.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   No, it
was [_<300>] really odd.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   What was?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Oh,
nothing.  Forget it.  Doesn't matter.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   *What* doesn't
matter?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]
Nothing!  Forget it!  It doesn't matter!

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Lister, have
you been at that marijuana gin again?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   I said
forget it, it doesn't matter.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Fine!  Well,
if you have any more problems with
nothing and things that don't matter, just scream out my name hysterically
and I'll come running.

[_<800>]
[:np] [:ra 245]
A corridor.  The Cat is wheeling a rack of clothes along and meets
Lister.

 [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]  This little kitty when
into stasis. Yeah!
This little               kitty stayed home. Ooh!

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   What
are you doing?

 [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]   I'm doing what you said
do.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   I said,
Take a few essential basics you couldn't
bear to leave behind.

 [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]   Right!  These are all
I'm taking.  Just these, and
the other ten racks.  Travel light, move fast!

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   You
can't take all of this.  There's no room.

 [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]   OK, then I'll leave,
[:np] [:ra 245]
He rummages around in the rack]
[:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] this!  [:np] [:ra 245]
he Pulls out a small red handkerchief.
[:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] I'll just have to do
without it.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   You can
take two suits and that's it.

 [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]   Two suits?  Then I'm
staying!

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   You
can't stay.  By the time I come out, you'll
be dead.

 [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]   Two suits is dead!

[:np] [:ra 245]
Lister walks away.

 [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]   Hey!  If I cut off my
leg and
leave it behind, can I take three?  [:np] [:ra 245]
Makes several attempts to hold
up three fingers.

[_<800>]
[:np] [:ra 245]
Cut to the bridge.  Lister calls back to the Cat.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   We're
going into stasis in ten minutes.  I'll
meet you in the sleeping quarters.

[:np] [:ra 245]
Rimmer enters the bridge through the far door.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Yo,
Rimmer, look, I've been thinking

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   What?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   You
know, about going into stasis and everything.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   How did I do
what?

[:np] [:ra 245]
Rimmer walks into the middle of the room, and Lister realises that
Rimmer isn't looking at him, but at an empty spot in the air.  Throughout
the following conversation, Rimmer continues ignoring Lister and talking
to thin air, while Lister is continually looking around, trying to
figure out what Rimmer thinks he's talking to.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   What do
you mean, How did I do what?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Lister, don't
be a gimboid.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   I'm not
being a gimboid!

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   I've just been
in the library, thinking.  And
I've decided[:np] [:ra 245]
he Stops as though he was interrupted, although Lister
hasn't done anything.
[:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]  Shut up!  As I
was saying before I was so rudely
interrupted, I've decided, when you go into stasis, I want to stay
behind.  I want to be left on.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   What,
on your own for the rest of your life?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   What things?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Eh?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   I said *what?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   What's
going on?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   You're space
crazy!

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   *I'm
space crazy?  You're the one who's [:np] [:ra 245]
waves
his hand in front of Rimmer's face; Rimmer doesn't notice
[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] space
crazy!

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Well, it
probably is deja vu.  It sounds like
it.

[:np] [:ra 245]
Rimmer shakes his head and leaves the bridge through the near door.  As
he leaves, a second Rimmer enters through the far door.  Lister is
staring after the first Rimmer, and gets the shock of his life (well,
one of the shocks of his life) when he turns around and sees the second
Rimmer.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]
[ah<1600,>!]  Rimmer!  [:np] [:ra 245]
he Calms down a little.
[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] I've just
seen you walk out of that door.

[:np] [:ra 245]
Rimmer is Now talking directly to Lister.] [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr
100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] What?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   How did
you do that?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   How did I do
what?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   You
just this second walked out of that door.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Lister, don't
be a gimboid.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   I
swear, on me grandmother's life, as you walked
out of *that* door, you came in *this* one!

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   I've just been
in the library, thinking.  And
I've decided

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Rimmer,
I'm telling you

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Shut up!  As I
was saying before I was so rudely
interrupted, I've decided, when you go into stasis, I want to stay
behind.  I want to be left on.

[:np] [:ra 245]
As he says this, Lister realises that he's heard all this before.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Rimmer,
you've just come in and said exactly
these things.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   What things?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   You
said that!

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   I said *what?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   And
that!  You said that!

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   You are space
crazy!


 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   And
then you said, `Well it probably is deja
vu'.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Well, it
probably is deja vu.  It sounds like
it.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Well,
go on then.  Shake your head and walk out.

[:np] [:ra 245]
Rimmer shakes his head and walks out.  Lister runs after him, after
quickly checking to see that a third Rimmer hasn't entered.

[_<800>]
[:np] [:ra 245]
A corridor.  Rimmer is walking along it, Lister running after him.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Rimmer,
listen!  Will you just listen?

[:np] [:ra 245]
The Cat runs past them in the opposite direction, holding one hand
to his mouth in pain.

 [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]   My tooth!  My tooth!  I
think I lost my tooth!

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Cat,
wait!  Rimmer, listen!

[_<800>]
[:np] [:ra 245]
Lister and Rimmer's cabin.  The Cat is fishing in the goldfish tank
with a tea strainer.  Lister and Rimmer enter.

 [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]   I'm going to eat you
little fishies, I'm going to
eat
[:np] [:ra 245]
he Suddenly notices Lister and Rimmer.
[:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]  Ah, oh, ah, ah, I was
just making sure your fish were OK.  I wasn't going to eat them!

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   He just walked
past us.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   It must
be something to do with lightspeed.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Holly, what's
going on?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   It's
lightspeed, I bet you.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Is your name
Holly?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Is your
name Honk?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Holly?

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]
[m<200,13>m<200,17>?]

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   What is going
on?

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   Look,
I'm a tenth generation AI hologrammic computer,
I'm not your mum.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Yes,
fantastic.

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   What do
you want this time?  A hand with your
homework?  Or would you like me to sew little name tags in your p e
kit?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Holly, watch
my lips.  What [_<300>] is [_<300>] happening?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   With
the mirror and the Cat and everything.

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   Oh,
that.  You're seeing future echoes.  Didn't
I explain this to you?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   What are
future echoes?

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   How
simple do you want this?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Ah, so Lister
can understand it.

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   Oh
dear.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   It's
difficult, I know.

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   Well,
we're travelling faster than LS, right?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   What's
LS?

[:np] [:dv br 100 lx 100 bf 100 hr 100 sr 100 as 100 qu 100 ap 110 pr 150 sx
1 la 0]  [:ra 210]   Lightspeed.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]
Smartarse.

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]
Consequently, you're catching up with things you're
about to do before you've actually done them.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Ah.  So we're
seeing bits of the future?

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   Yes.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   See, I
told you it was lightspeed.  You should
have asked me.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Can they see
us?

[:np] [:dv br 100 lx 100 bf 100 hr 100 sr 100 as 100 qu 100 ap 110 pr 150 sx
1 la 0]  [:ra 210]   Of course not.  Use your loaf.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   So,
wait, are you saying that the cat is going
to break his tooth sometime in the future?

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   Yes.  I
didn't think you wanted it this simple.

 [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]   Hey, ain't nobody gonna
break *my* tooth!

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   How long is
this going to last?

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   Until
the reverse thrust takes effect and we drop
below lightspeed.

[:np] [:ra 245]
Suddenly noticing something on Lister's bunk.]
 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]What's that
photograph?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   That's
me and Frankenstein, isn't it?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   No the one
with the babies.

[:np] [:ra 245]
the photo shows Lister grinning madly and holding
two babies.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Babies!
I've never seen it before.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Ah.  Holly, is
this what you call a future echo?

[:np] [:dv br 100 lx 100 bf 100 hr 100 sr 100 as 100 qu 100 ap 110 pr 150 sx
1 la 0]  [:ra 210]   Yes, of course it is.  Bozo.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Two
babies!  How do I get two babies?

[:np] [:ra 245]
They all look at each other.

[_<800>]
[:np] [:ra 245]
A corridor.  Lister runs into two of the Skutters; one is holding
a piece of paper in its claws.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   To
Ganymede and Titan, yes sir, I've
been around, but there ain't no place in the whole of space[:np] [:ra 245]
he Notices
the Skutters.
[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] What's
this, guys?  [:np] [:ra 245]
he Takes the paper and reads it.]
[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Don't go
into stasis.  Please don't leave us with Rimmer. [_<300>]  I'm sorry,
guys, I've got to.  We need you.

[:np] [:ra 245]
The Skutters begin banging their heads on the wall.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   I mean,
there's nothing for me here.  I want
to go back to Earth! Oh, don't do that.  I mean, I don't care what
it's like, it's got to be better than this.  I don't care if the dolphins
have taken over and all the people are in the humanbeingitarium, you
know?  I just want to find out!

[:np] [:ra 245]
Suddenly there's the sound of an explosion.  The corridor shakes,
and Lister falls over.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   What
was *that?

[:np] [:ra 245]
He jumps up and runs off.

[_<800>]
[:np] [:ra 245]
Several shots of Lister madly running along corridors and up and
down stairs.


[:np] [:ra 245]
The bridge.  Rimmer is there; Lister runs in.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   What
was that?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Brace yourself
for a bit of a shock, Lister,
but I just saw you die.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   [:dv sr
300] What!

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   I did warn you
to brace yourself.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   You
didn't give me much of a chance.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   I gave you
ample bracing time!

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   No you
didn't.  You didn't even pause.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Well, I'm
sorry!  I've just had a rather nasty
experience.  I have just seen someone I know die in the most hideous,
hideous way!

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Yeah!
*Me!

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   You were
fiddling around with the navicomp

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   I don't
want to know!  I don't want to know!

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   You don't want
to know how you die?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   No!
[_<400>] Was it quick?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Well, I
wouldn't say it was super fast.  Not
if you count the thrashing around and the agonised squealing.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   You're
really loving this, aren't you?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   What a
horrible thing to say!

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   It was
definitely me?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Oh yes.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   I don't
want to know.  [_<400>] How old did I
look?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   How old are
you now?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   25.
How old did I look.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]
[m<200,13>m<200,8>_<200>] mid twenties.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   *Smeg!
I'm not ready!  I'm not smegging ready!

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   You did seem
surprised.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Ah!
Did you actually see me face?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   You were
wearing a hat, but it was definitely
you.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Well
there you go, I won't wear a hat.  [:np] [:ra 245]
Snatches
the one he's wearing off his head and stuffs it in a pocket.
[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]  Then
it can't happen, can it?  I can live without a hat.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Lister, it
*has* happened.  You can't change
it, any more than you can change what you had for breakfast.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Hey, it
hasn't happened, has it?  It has `will
have going to have happened' happened, but it hasn't actually `happened'
happened yet, actually.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Poppycock!  It
will be happened, it shall be
going to be happening, it will be was an event that could will have
been taken place in the future.  Simple as that.  Your buckets been
kicked, baby.


 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Sez
you.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Sez me and
Albert Einstein, thank you very much.  [aelbow]
and I happen to agree on this one.  It's called the Theory of Relativity.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   All
right, OK, OK.  Right.  The Cat broke his
tooth in a future echo, right?  Now if I can stop him breaking it

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]  Can't be done.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]    Then I
can stop me from dying!  Now, how would
the Cat break his tooth?

[:np] [:ra 245]
Rimmer begins humming the Dead March and miming carrying a coffin.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   He'd be
eating something.  Eating something hard.  [_<300>] My robot goldfish!
Eating my robot goldfish!  Holly,
where's the Cat?

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   He's
just going into your sleeping quarters, Dave.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Oh,
smegging hell!

[:np] [:ra 245]
Lister dashes off.  Rimmer dashes after him.

[_<800>]
[:np] [:ra 245]
Lister and Rimmer's cabin.  The Cat enters.

 [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]   Yeah, yeah, yeah!  I'm
back!  Feeling good!  How
am I looking? [:np] [:ra 245]
Pulls out a tiny hand mirror, and uses it and the wall
mirror to examine the back of his head.
[:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]  Good!  You know, I wish I
was someone else.  Then I could kiss me.  I think I'll investigate
[:np] [:ra 245]
 a quick look around the room, then goes over to the fish tank
[:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] these!  Uh uh, I just ate.
But  one little fishy?  Yeah, yeah!  [:np] [:ra 245]
Starts
singing. [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]  I'm gonna eat you
little fishy!  [:np] [:ra 245]
Pulls out two slices of
bread and the strainer, and starts fishing around in the tank. [:np] [:dv sm
1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] I'm
gonna eat you little fishy!  [:np] [:ra 245]
Eventually he succeeds in pulling out
one of the fish.  He puts it between the slices of bread. [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs
90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] Yeah!  I
got you!  I'm gonna

[:np] [:ra 245]
Just as he's about to bite down on it, Lister dashes into the room,
knocks the fish sandwich out of his hand, and wrestles him down onto
the table. The Cat's head is knocked against one corner.

[:np] [:ra 245]
lister picks up the fish, overjoyed.  [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100
as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] I got the
fish!  I'm not gonna die!  I'm not gonna die!

 [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]   Hey, you crazy monkey,
you creased my suit!  [:np] [:ra 245]
Suddenly
realises there's something wrong with his mouth. [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0
ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] My tooth.  My tooth,
my tooth!  I think I lost my tooth!

[:np] [:ra 245]
He runs off into the corridor.  Lister is horrified.  Rimmer walks
in, still looking smug.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Lister.  Allow
me to be the first to offer my
commiserations.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   You're
really really loving this, aren't you?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Come on!
Death isn't the
handicap it used to be in the olden days.  It doesn't screw your career
up the way it used to.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   You're
right.  There's always some good in every
situation. [:np] [:ra 245]
Grabs a bottle of whisky and takes a swig.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Absolutely,
Lister!  And in this case, you're
about to do the largest splits you'll ever do in your life.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   I get
blown up then?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Bits of you
do.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   It's
not fair.  There's loads of things I've
never done.  Like I've never had a prawn vindaloo.  And I've never
red [_<400>] a [_<300>] a book.  And I wanted to have a family.  And
I wanted to have loads of practice in the things that you've got to
do to get a family.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Holly, I'd
like to send an internal memo.  Black
border.  Begins, To Dave Lister.  Condolences on your passing away.
What's that poem? Now, weary traveller, rest your head, for just
like me, you're utterly dead.


 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]
Emergency.  Emergency.  There's an emergency going
on.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   What is
it, Hol?  [:np] [:ra 245]
Takes another swig of whisky.

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   There's
an emergency, Dave.  The navicomp's overheating,
and I need your help in the drive room.

[:np] [:ra 245]
rimmer is excited. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra
220] Ooh!

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Come in
number 169, your time is up.  OK, what
was I wearing?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Ahhh that
jacket, and that red T-shirt.

[:np] [:ra 245]
lister Pulls out his hat and replaces it on his head,
then yanks a hefty length of piping off the wall.
[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]  You said
yourself,
I can't stop it.  Let's get it over with.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Ah, Lister,
what's that for?  [:np] [:ra 245]
Points at the
pipe.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   I'm
going out like I came in.  Screaming and
kicking.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   You can't
whack death on the head!

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   If he
comes near me I'm gonna rip his nipples
off!

[:np] [:ra 245]
He leaves.

[_<800>]
[:np] [:ra 245]
Lister walks down a corridor, brandishing the pipe and looking determined.

[_<400>]
[:np] [:ra 245]
Drive room (bridge).  Lister cautiously peers around the doorway.  There
is a menacing hum in the background.

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   I'm
afraid it can't cope with the influx of data
at lightspeed, Dave, could you hook it up to the drive computer for
me?

[:np] [:ra 245]
Lister picks up a small computer and carries it over to the main
console, which is malfunctioning badly, spitting out showers of sparks.  He
cautiously plugs it in, then closes his eyes and starts flipping switches.
The background hum gets louder and higher pitched (and Lister screws
his face up a bit more) with each switch.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Six
[_<200>] five[_<200>]

[:np] [:ra 245]
Rimmer peers around the doorway, holding his fingers in his ears
and grinning maniacally.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Four
[_<200>] three [_<200>] [:np] [:ra 245]
sticks his free finger
in one ear
[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] two
[_<200>] [ah<800>!]  one!

[:np] [:ra 245]
He flips the last switch.  The noise and sparks stop.  Everything
returns to normal.  Lister gradually realises this and grins with
relief.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   I did
it!  I'm not gonna die!  Aaargh!*
[:np] [:ra 245]
He
yells in pain and drops out of sight.]
[_<200>]
the cat jumps up from where he's pulled lister down, and yells
 [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90  br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250]
Aaargh!  Dog attack!

[_<800>]
[:np] [:ra 245]
Quick external shot of the ship, then cut to Lister and Rimmer's
cabin. They walk in.  Lister is jumping up and down like a maniac,
Rimmer looks disappointed.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   I don't know
why you're so chirpy.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   I'm not
gonna die!  I'm not gonna die!

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   For how long?
It'll probably happen tomorrow
or Thursday.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Maybe
it's not going to happen at all!

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   It was you!  I
saw you.  I'm sure it was you.

[:np] [:ra 245]
Suddenly they both notice that Lister's bunk is occupied.  It's an
old man, recognisably an aged version of Lister.  His right arm is
mechanical; his left hand holds a bottle of beer.

>[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]
[:tone<1000,75>] Hello, Dave.  This is me.  I mean you.  I mean,
I am you.  This is you aged 171, Dave.  [:np] [:ra 245]
Uses his bionic hand to pop
the cap off the bottle.
[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] I know
you're there, because when I was your
age, I saw me at my age telling you what I'm about to tell you.  You've
got to tell you when you get to be me.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Thank heavens
you've still got all your marbles,
Lister.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]
[sh<400>!]

[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]
[:tone<1000,75>] I've got to tell you about Bexley.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Who's Bexley?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   I was
always going to call my second son Bexley,
after Jim Bexley Speed.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Your second
son?  What were you going to call
your first son?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Jim.
After Jim Bexley Speed.

[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]
[:tone<1000,75>]  It wasn't you Rimmer saw in the drive room, it
was Bexley.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Rimmer,
you saw me son die!

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Never mind
this tot, what about me, old man?  What
happens to me? Do I become an officer?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Rimmer,
I'm going to have two sons!  Isn't it
fantastic?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   But one of
them dies.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Yeah,
well, everyone dies.  You're born, and
you die.  The bit in the middle's called life, and that's still to
come!

[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]
[:tone<1000,75>]  Go and get your camera.  You haven't got much time.  Get
your camera and run to the medical unit.  Run!

[:np] [:ra 245]
Lister hastily rummages around in his junk for the camera.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   What about me?
What happens to me?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   He
can't hear us, Rimmer.  He's from the future.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Ah, but if I
ask you now, you can remember it,
and when you get to be him, you can tell me.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Boss
thinking.

[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr
30][:tone<1000,75>] Rimmer.  You wanted to know what happened to you?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Yes!

[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr
30][:tone<1000,75>] Well, come closer.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Yes!

[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr
30][:tone<1000,75>] Come closer still.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Yes!

[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr
30][:tone<1000,75>] Closer still.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Yes!

[:np] [:ra 245]
Lister 2 suddenly laughs and vanishes.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   You goit!
[:np] [:ra 245]
Turns to the original Lister.
[:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]  No,
*you* goit!

[:np] [:ra 245]
Lister runs off.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   You're all
goits!  I'm surrounded by goits!  Holly,
you're a goit!

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   I'm a
what?

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   You heard.

[_<800>]
[:np] [:ra 245]
Cut to a corridor, just outside the medical unit.  Lister is fiddling
with his camera.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   What's
happening, Hol?  Are we going to see my
funeral or something?

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   Look,
the faster we go, the more into the future
the future echoes are.  And now, since we've just started to slow
down, the future echoes are nearer to the present.  Clear?

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   No.

 [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220]   Tough.

[:np] [:ra 245]
Rimmer arrives.  He has another ridiculous hair cut.  This time he
looks like one of the Monkees.

 [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220]   Wait a minute.
I don't understand how you're
supposed to get two sons without a woman on this ship.

 [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30]   Neither
do I.  But it's going to be a laugh finding
out.

[:np] [:ra 245]
The door to the medical unit slides open, and another Lister (not
noticeably older than the `real' one) walks out, carrying two crying
babies.

[:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr
30][:tone<1000,75>] [:tone<1000,75>] I can't see you, but I know you can see
me.  I'd
like you to meet your two sons.  This is Jim, and this is Bexley.  Oh,
stop crying and say cheese, boys!

[:np] [:ra 245]
Lister 3 grins for the camera, and Lister 1 snaps the photo.  Cut
to a close-up of the photo against a backdrop of stars.
[_<1600>]
the end
[_<800>]

[_<800>]
well that was a good one! we met the toaster, and that's only the start of
his dreadful singing.
I'm planning to release one of these every week, and it'll be on the
Unoficial dectalk HomePage whenever ther is one.
I do have a life, contrary to popular belief, so if an epp is late, I
apologise. you can get to the dectalk homePage. this is not what you type,
but how it sounds:
[_<800>]
w w w dot. free lists. dot org. slash webPage, slash dectalk
[_<800>]
you can email me from there or join the dectalk mailing list, where the text
files of the episodes  are sent when released.
You can also download the mp3 versions from an ftp archive, go to the
address above for more info.
chow!
Sean R
the end

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