[darkbio] Back At HQ, Part Two (Tomilson, Leadul, Franklin) 2008:05:06

  • From: "Jamie Lawson" <ayeshalan@xxxxxxxxx>
  • To: darkbio@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Tue, 6 May 2008 14:52:49 -0700

Sitting at her desk Sam knew she was going to be facing PK soon. She was
filled with excitement and apprehension at the same time. She still wasn't
sure who the man was with her and what their relationship was. That lack of
information was what scared her the most. She knew she had feelings for PK
and she was almost sure she was in love with her. Her train of thought was
interrupted by the door chime.

Taking a calming breath, she replied with the standard command. "Enter."

As the door opened PK and Leadul both entered the  office. "Lts Tomilson and
Leadul reporting as ordered."

Sam looked at PK with astonishment.  "You can relax, PK. After all, you do
outrank me." Standing she pointed to the chairs in front of her desk.
"Please have a seat. Dr. Leadul, it is a pleasure to meet you. I have heard
about the work you did with the First Federation. Very impressive."

The Deltan smiled as he sat down.  "The information you provided to us
through your research was also very helpful."

Sam simply smiled, still trying to figure out the relationship that was
definitely in evidence before her. "I gather you are here to learn what I
have found about Fen-Kalish? It took a while to find it.  As you may know
they have managed to fend for themselves quite well over the past. The
curious thing is the epidemic of sorts that occurs."  Moving things about on
her desk she found the data pads she needed and handed one to Leadul to
peruse. While he was doing that, she looked at PK almost willing her to
speak.

Leadul accepted the data tablet, and glanced down at it, before looking
briefly at PK.  As he looked down again, he said, "I believe you and PK also
had some unfinished business to discuss."

PK wasn't sure what to say, now that Leadul had opened the gate. "Sam, as
you may or may not know I have spent the past few weeks on Delta IV with
Leadul. During that time I have come to understand quite a bit about myself.
One thing I have learned is that I have real feelings for Leadul."  She
paused a moment to let Sam take in what she was saying. "To be honest, I am
in love with him." Looking over at Leadul, she hoped the feelings were the
same.

Sam sat there looking like a bomb had been dropped on her. "I knew you had
gone to Delta IV, however I was unaware of this .... development. I thought
we had something together, and that we would continue it when you returned.
What am I supposed to do now? I can't just toss my feelings for you aside,
like you apparently can."

"Sam, that is not true. We never really got a relationship started and you
know that. You know I was conflicted about my feelings at the time as well.
I did not come to this conclusion easily. I also never meant for you to get
hurt. For that I am sorry." PK looked at Leadul for some kind of support.
Some way to explain the situation to Sam.

"Don't start telling me what I know," Sam said tartly.  "I thought we had a
relationship, and if you were conflicted about your feelings, you didn't
bother to tell me about it.  I guess I should have seen the writing on the
wall then.  What I *know* is that you went off on your mission, then to
Delta IV, and never bothered to tell me a damn thing.  Not even a simple
text message.  And now you come back with someone else and have the gall to
tell me we never had anything between us to begin with?"  She stood up and
glared.

PK was in shock. This was not the reaction she had expected at all. In fact
it was a side of Sam she had no idea even existed. "I am not trying to tell
you what you know...far from it. I am trying to explain how I feel and where
I am coming from. If you can't sit and discuss this reasonably then there is
no reason for me to remain here. We can go over the information you gathered
somewhere else and be out of your way. I did not come here to fight with
you, Sam. I don't know what you want from me. I have not just tossed my
feelings for you aside. I still have them."

Sam took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly as she sat down.  "PK, you
just said, 'we never got a relationship started and you know that.' How is
that *not* telling me what I know?  And if you still have any kind of
feelings for me at all, why didn't you tell me where you were and what was
going on?  I had to hear it from Logan!  What do I want from you?  To know
where I stand.  That's all.  Is that so much to ask?"

"Sam, I still have feelings for you. The trip to Delta IV was on an impulse
to help me sort out my feelings and to learn more about myself. You are
probably right in that I should have let you know and for that I am sorry. I
have learned that I can have feelings for more than just one person."
Pausing she took a deep breath before continuing.

"Leadul is very important to me and is a big part of my life. You can be a
part of that life if you want. That is something you have to decide for
yourself. I know this makes no sense to you and again I am sorry." Turning
PK looked at Leadul. "I'm sure Leadul can explain it better than I
can. *If*you are willing to listen with an open mind. Are you? Willing
that is?"

Sam took another deep breath, looking first at PK and then at Leadul.  The
Deltan sat in his chair, a placid island in the midst of the storm.  "I'm
always willing to listen and keep an open mind," she said slowly.  She
looked back at PK.  "Whatever it is that we've had, you and I, I'm not ready
to give it up yet.  So okay.  Tell me what I need to expect, and do, to keep
this going."

Looking at Sam, PK had to wonder if she would fully understand what she was
going to hear. After all it had taken her a while to understand, but once
she had she embraced it fully. "I think I will let Leadul explain it to you.
He can do a much better job of it than I can." She looked at how calm Leadul
was and wished she was as calm. Taking a deep breath she sighed and nodded
to the Deltan. "Would you mind explaining things to Sam?"

"PK and I are friends, and lovers," he began, "but in the way of my
people.  PK has been working with me and others on Delta IV; she has been
learning about how we communicate and relate to one another, and we have
been learning the same from her.  Sex is a means of communication for us,
one of the most fundamental ones we have.  Any healthy, adult relationship
between Deltans may have a sexual component.  It is as natural to us as
breathing, and very nearly as common.  Many other species see us as
carelessly promiscuous, but it is not so.  It is not about using one another
for purely physical gratification, but about being with and knowing others
-- in all the senses of that word."

He looked over at PK for a moment.  "I know that PK still loves, cares for
... desires you.  What she now knows is that she can love and desire you,
and me, and others perhaps, at the same time.  If you and she wish to be
lovers, that is something I would accept with joy, and PK would as well."

"What about you?  That wouldn't bother you?" Sam asked.

"Not in the least.  Sexual monogamy is something completely unknown to
us.  In fact, for one of us to be sexually monogamous would be incredibly
damaging to our emotional and mental well-being.  Thus I would not expect
anyone I have a sexual relationship with to be monogamous with me, any more
than they would expect me to be monogamous with them."

"And ..." Sam hesitated.  She was finding herself attracted to the
Deltan.  Whether that was the natural effect of his presence, or something
more, she couldn't tell.  "And you.  Would you have to be part of the
relationship between PK and I?  Would you want to be?"

"Want, yes," Leadul said.  "But would I have to be?  No.  It is up to you,
and to PK, whether you wish to invite me in.  Also there is the matter of my
oath of celibacy which pertains when I am serving aboard Starfleet
vessels.  Because PK has now had training and experience in our Deltan
techniques, I believe she can be exempted from my oath ... but this is not
yet true for you.  I hope you understand I mean no insult by this."

Sam nodded, rubbing her forehead.  "All right ... I understand all this.  I
think."  She got up, and slowly walked around the desk, squatting on the
floor in front of PK so that their eyes were level.  "What do we do now,
PK?"

Pushing Sam's hair away from her face, PK looked at her. "It's up to you.
What Leadul said is completely true. I do love him, desire him as a lover
and a friend. I also have feelings for you. I have learned that being with
one person does not have to diminish my feelings for someone else. It seems
to intensify it. Will you be able to accept my being with Leadul? Would you
be able to handle being with Leadul? Could you handle a menage a'trois if it
came to that? There is a lot here to think about. This is not something you
enter into lightly."

PK looked over at Leadul and reached out and took his hand. "I love this man
more than I thought I could." Cupping Sam's face PK smiled, "I also have
feelings for you." She leaned in and kissed Sam softly while still holding
Leadul's hand.

Sam kissed her back, then gave her a quick hug before standing up to lean
against the desk.  "I can accept you and Leadul being together," she
said.  "For the rest ... I don't know yet.  Maybe.  You're right.  It is a
lot to think about, and I'm going to need some time.  No offense to either
of you."

"No offense taken. I know what you are going through as I went through the
same thing. Perhaps this knowledge and mission have come at a fortuitous
time. While we are away you can take the time to sort through your thoughts
and feelings about this. I will abide by whatever decision you come to, Sam.
However, remember that I do care very deeply for you, and as far as I'm
concerned, we can still be together."

She looked at Leadul and back at Sam, "Perhaps we should get started with
this briefing. I have a feeling there is going to be a great deal to learn
in a short time."

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  • » [darkbio] Back At HQ, Part Two (Tomilson, Leadul, Franklin) 2008:05:06