[cinci_dads] Why we love kids

  • From: AHummeldor@xxxxxxx
  • To: cinci_dads@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Sat, 22 Feb 2003 11:51:38 EST

These are worth a few chuckles:

Why We Love Our Kids 

 I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening 
 when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She 
 was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 
 five-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't 
 wearing a seat belt!" 
 ------- 
 My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me 
 he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and 
 threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then 
 ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and 
 said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too 
 then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago." 
 --------- 
 On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a 
 note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by 
 this child are not necessarily those of his parents." 
 --------- 
 A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. 
 During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old 
 daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child 
 said to her mother. 
 Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right 
 now. She's hitting the bottle." 
 --------- 
 A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's 
 locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with 
 ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy 
 watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever 
seen 
 a little boy before?" 
 ============================================================ 
 POLICE # 1 
 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I 
 was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up 
 and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered 
 and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help 
 I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told 
 her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, 
 "would you please tie my shoe?" 
 POLICE # 2 
 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of 
 the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was 
 barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog 
 you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the 
 boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 
 "What'd he do?" 
 ============================================================= 
 ELDERLY 
 While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly 
 shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon 
 rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of 
 old age, Particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found 
 her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced 
 myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned 
 and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!" 
 ============================================================= 
 DRESS~UP 
 A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she 
 saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear 
 that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you 
 a headache next morning." 
 ============================================================= 
 DEATH 
 While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our 
 minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. 
 Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a 
 dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they 
 had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and 
 made ready for the disposal of the deceased. 
 The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and 
 with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father 
 always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather and unto the Sonnn... and 
 into the hole he gooooes." 
 ======================================================== 
 SCHOOL 
 A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just 
 wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't 
 write and they won't let me talk!" 
 ========================================================= 
 BIBLE 
 A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he 
 fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. 
 He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf 
 that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I 
 found," the boy called out. 
 "What have you got there, dear"? With astonishment in the young 
 boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!" 
 

--- Begin Message ---
  • From: Onebluei@xxxxxxx
  • To: Hermay@xxxxxxx, jenmarna@xxxxxxxxx, Shopaholicaim@xxxxxxx, Startmw@xxxxxxx,Bardad1022@xxxxxxx, atnajlehmann@xxxxxxxx, poppeg@xxxxxxxx,asrednour@xxxxxxxxx, Icats92@xxxxxxx, Overberg@xxxxxxxx,Jillyrarent@xxxxxxxxx, annette_c_e@xxxxxxxxx, AHummeldor@xxxxxxx,pjlier@xxxxxxxx, yacha@xxxxxxxx, varelmann@xxxxxxxx,jwolpert@xxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Thu, 20 Feb 2003 13:50:48 EST
 
--- Begin Message ---
  • From: "Bonnie Glogowski" <bonnie1@xxxxxxxx>
  • To: "Renee" <ReneeB@xxxxxxx>, "Ken & Denise" <Onebluei@xxxxxxx>, "Brad & Damaris" <Bardad1022@xxxxxxx>, "Gail" <gailby@xxxxxxxxxxx>, "Roger" <roger8731@xxxxxxx>
  • Date: Thu, 20 Feb 2003 08:26:17 -0500
----- Original Message ----- 
From: Patricia Karikas 
To: Timothy Kolich ; tcap10@care at home ; Maureen ; Mary Lou Brown ; Mark 
Godor ; Mad ; lorraine ; dave & debbie @ home ; Bonnie Glogowski ; 
angelmom@Aunt Diane ; amsvargo@xxxxxxxxx 
Sent: Sunday, February 09, 2003 7:14 PM
Subject: Fw: Why we love kids



----- 
Sent: Monday, February 03, 2003 10:33 AM
Subject: FW: Why we love kids



Why We Love Our Kids 
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening 
when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She 
was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 
five-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't 
wearing a seat belt!" 
------- 
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me 
he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and 
threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then 
ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and 
said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too 
then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago." 
--------- 
On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a 
note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by 
this child are not necessarily those of his parents." 
--------- 
A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. 
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old 
daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child 
said to her mother. 
Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right 
now. She's hitting the bottle." 
--------- 
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's 
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with 
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy 
watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen 
a little boy before?" 
============================================================ 
POLICE # 1 
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I 
was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up 
and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered 
and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help 
I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told 
her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, 
"would you please tie my shoe?" 
POLICE # 2 
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of 
the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was 
barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog 
you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the 
boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 
"What'd he do?" 
============================================================= 
ELDERLY 
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly 
shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon 
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of 
old age, Particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found 
her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced 
myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned 
and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!" 
============================================================= 
DRESS~UP 
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she 
saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear 
that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you 
a headache next morning." 
============================================================= 
DEATH 
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our 
minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. 
Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a 
dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they 
had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and 
made ready for the disposal of the deceased. 
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and 
with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father 
always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather and unto the Sonnn... and 
into the hole he gooooes." 
======================================================== 
SCHOOL 
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just 
wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't 
write and they won't let me talk!" 
========================================================= 
BIBLE 
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he 
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. 
He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf 
that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I 
found," the boy called out. 
"What have you got there, dear"? With astonishment in the young 
boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!" 



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