A little long, but funny! I can picture this happening in my house - esp. the comments the wife makes! Hope you enjoy! Tim > >If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome >including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have >you laughing out LOUD! > >Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. > >Here's what happened: > >Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something >wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's >just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you >Help?" > >I put my best hamster-healer statement on my face and followed him into his >bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking >stressed. I immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called, "come look at >the hamster!" > >"Oh my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies." > >"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!" > >I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't >want them to reproduce," I accused my wife. > >"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired. >(I actually think she said this sarcastically!) > >"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most >loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together). > >"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed. > >"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she >informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, you think?) > >By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I >shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. > >"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced. "We're about >to witness the miracle of birth." > >"OH, Gross!", they shrieked. "Well, isn't THAT just Great!; what are we >going to do with a litter of tiny little hamster babies?" my wife wanted to >know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?) > >We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny >foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. > >"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. > >"Its breech," my wife whispered, horrified. > >"Do something, Dad!" my son urged. > >"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next >appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several more >times with the same results. > >"Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could >talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my >house?) > >"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my >son holding the cage in his lap. > >Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged. > >"I don't think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be >so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but >this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.) > >The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little >animal through a magnifying glass. > > "What do you think, Doc, a c-section?" I suggested scientifically. > > "Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak >to you privately for a moment?" > > I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside. "Is Ernie going to be >okay?" my wife asked. "Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This hamster is >not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy." > >"What?" > >"You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into >maturity, like most male species, they um....um....masturbate. Just the way >he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you >know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron." > >We were silent, absorbing this. "So, Ernie's just...just...excited," my >wife offered. > >"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence. Then >my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh >loudly. > >"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I >married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness. > >Tears were now running down her face. "It's just...that...I'm picturing you >pulling on its...its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow >in laughter once more. > >"That's enough," I warned. > >We thanked the Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the hamsters and our son >back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay. > >"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me. > >"Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter. > >2 - Hamsters - 10 bucks... >1 - Cage - 20 bucks. >Trip to the Vet ..30 bucks... >Pictures of your hubby pulling on the hamster's winkey........Priceless!