[cinci_dads] Fw: what kids know

  • From: "Dan Zavon" <dzavon@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: "Stay-at-home Dads Cincinnati" <cinci_dads@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Wed, 6 Aug 2003 23:18:31 -0400

I remember reading most of these before, so it may already have been on our
listserve, but they seem funny enough to repeat.  --Dan


>   Subj: Fw: what kids know
>
>
>                           NUDITY.....
>
>   I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
a
> woman in the convertible waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from
> the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady
> is not wearing a seat belt!"
>
>                       HONESTY.....
>
>   My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
> dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in
> the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
> bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a
> charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it
> fell in the toilet a few days ago.
>
>                       OPINIONS........
>
>     On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
> from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are
> not necessarily those of his parents."
>
>                     KETCHUP.........
>
>   A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar.
During
> her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
> the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then
> she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
> hitting the bottle."
>
>                      MORE NUDITY............
>
>   A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker
> room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
grabbing
> towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then
> asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?
>
>                         POLICE # 1...........
>
>      While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I
was
> interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my
> uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued
writing
> the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police.
> Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as
> she extended her foot toward me, "Would you please tie my shoe?"
>
>                      POLICE # 2......
>   .
>     It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
> station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9  partner, Jake, was barking,
and
> I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?"
he
> asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then
> towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
>
>                         ELDERLY.........
>
>      While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
> shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She
> was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly
> the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair
of
> false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable
> barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy
will
> never believe this!
>
>           DRESS-UP............
>
>     A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
> her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
> suit."  "And why not, darling?" he asked. She replied, "You know that it
> always gives you a headache the next morning."
>
>                       DEATH...........
>
>     While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
> heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
> Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
> Feeling that proper burial should be
>   performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a
> hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
>     The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
> sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always
> said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ....... and into
the
> hole he gooooes."
>
>                   SCHOOL............
>
>      A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
> wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and
> they won't let me talk!"
>
>
>

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