[Bristol-Birds] Humor and ducklings -

  • From: "Susan Hubley" <shubley@xxxxxxx>
  • To: "bristol-birds" <bristol-birds@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Wed, 18 May 2005 18:53:44 -0400

We have two female Wood Ducks with ducklings - one with 9 and one with 14. The 
ducklings appear to be only a few days old and are hanging close to their mamas 
near shore in the duckweed. Still have a Great Egret appearing every morning. 
Bobwhites are calling daily from the pasture. What a wonderful Spring!
Following is a bit of humor posted on the CBC listserv today - hope no one is 
offended.
Humor, like birds, is good for the soul.
Susan Hubley
Rogersville, TN
Arkansas Times
Updated: 5/12/2005 
Mel White, a Little Rock man who makes a living writing about birds and
nature and such, got in touch with the Times after the big news about the
ivory-billed woodpecker finding came out. 

"I hear that a bunch of Yankee birdwatchers claim they've found some extinct
woodpecker living in the swamps of east Arkansas. People were calling me
about it from all over the place - Morrilton, Lake Village, West Memphis - I
mean all over the place, and I didn't have any idea of what they were
talking about. Except for a story somebody sent me from NPR radio ... like
I'm going to believe anything on that station.

"So I called my friend Luther, who owns a combination convenience store,
video store, laundromat and bait shop over in Brinkley.

" 'Washers and Wigglers, this is Luther.'

" 'Hey, buddy, it's Mel. How're things in Monroe County?' "

" 'Man, I tell you what, it's craziness around here.' "

" 'Yeah? What's goin' on?' "

" 'I put in one of them cappaseena machines and I can't hardly keep the
people out with a stick. My gross was up twenty-seven percent last week.' "

" 'A cappuccino machine? I didn't figure you were so uptown, Luther.' "

" 'I put it right next to the Krispy Kreme stand. My parking lot looks like
Wal-Mart. It's like I was sellin' dope ... that crystal methiolade stuff.' "

" 'Actually, I was calling to check on the rare bird people are talkin'
about. You keepin' up with that?' "

" 'Them ivory-beaked peckerwoods? Shoot, everbody around here's known about
'em forever. We coulda saved them university people a whole lotta time if
they'd a-just asked us. ... Wait a minute.' "

"Luther held the phone away from his mouth. 'Hey, you! Them cups there is
for the Icee machine! Don't be puttin' your coffee in that! I'm gonna have
to charge you for a Super Grandee. ... Sorry, bud.' "

" 'That's okay. So you've actually seen one of 'em? Your ownself?' "

" 'Does a possum wear a fur coat? I've seen thousands of 'em. Now, I'll
admit they ain't as many as they used to be. When I was a kid we had'em
nestin' in the sweetgum tree in the backyard. They used to drum on the tin
roof of the garage and wake us up ever' mornin'. I shot one once and made me
a Indian headdress out of the feathers. ... Wait a minute. Can I hep you,
sir?' "

" Luther put the phone down, and I heard a northern-accented voice say,
'Excuse me, but I notice from your sign that you sell fishing equipment.
Would you happen to be familiar with the Bayou DeView area? And perhaps with
a bird called the ivory-billed woodpecker?' "

" 'As familiar as I am with my own dear wife, and that's purty damn
familiar. I have them birds on my property like green flies on fresh dog
dookie.' "

" 'Well, then ... Excellent! What would you recommend as the best way to see
one?' "

" 'I would recommend that you buy this here map, which will lead you
straight to them peckerwoods while at the same time avoiding the alligators
and cottonmouth moccasins that are so prevalent in these parts. The price is
forty-nine ninety-five, plus tax' "

" 'Goodness, that seems expensive.' "

" 'How far did you come to see this bird?' "

" 'We came from Salem, Mass.' "

" 'That's a hell of a long way. You wanta see it, or not?' "

" 'Well ...' "

" 'Uh-huh, I thought so. We do accept credit cards. But not that American
Express. Yeah, Visa's fine. And listen, my friend, there's been four or five
people in here this morning that've bought this map, so you might run into
some other folks when you get to my land. If they ain't seen that bird yet,
you just tell 'em to be patient, okay? You gotta be patient.' "

"He picked up the phone again, and I said, 'Hey, now, Luther ... You really
got them woodpeckers on your property?' "

" 'Hey, yourself, buddy. They been seen up by Cotton Plant, and they been
seen down around Clarendon. So it just stands to reason that they fly by my
fishin' camp sometime, don't it? And I'll tell you somethin' else, too.' "

" 'What's that?' "

" 'I know what caused them birds to get so rare, and it weren't cuttin'
trees and clearin' land like they claim.' "

" 'No kidding. What was it, then?' "

" 'It was Bigfoot. He jumps around them cypress trees like a big ol' monkey,
and grabs them peckerwoods right outta the air as they fly by. Eats 'em like
they was M&Ms. Ivory beaks and all.' "

Cheers,
Larry Barden, Charlotte, NC 





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