blind_html Re: [Fwd: Chili Cook-Off]

  • From: "Nimer Jaber" <nimerjaber1@xxxxxxxxx>
  • To: blind_html@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Thu, 20 Nov 2008 08:45:58 -0700

Yes, the last time I was in Texas was for a goalball tournament. I got
this powder stuff that, if you got anywhere near it, you started
tearing. And, I like hot stuff. But this stuff was riddiculous. I have
never tasted, let alone smelled something so hot.

Nimer J

On 11/20/08, The Elf <inthaneelf@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
> having been in Texas if only for a short time, I have an idea of the truth
> of  this rundown.
>  I've only seen one salsa hotter than the stuff my partner got on our way
> through,
> it started out as a home made salsa made by a Hispanic gal, who's family
> came from Texas, she used to cause everyone to leave the house when she
> started cooking her salsa, and should have had the guys in ASVAB suits
> storming the place due to the toxic fumes, and then after super ventilating
> my own kitchen, recooked that stuff with a freshly chopped pound of
> Vietnamese peppers I got from another friend who grew up there...
> my friend in search of "some really hot salsa" was standing there, sweating,
> tears running down her face copiously, and having to stop to clean up after
> the Niagara falls her nose had become, congratulated me on finally finding
> her some "hot" salsa
> lol,
> take care,
> inthane
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Nimer" <nimerjaber1@xxxxxxxxx>
> To: <blind_html@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
> Sent: Wednesday, November 19, 2008 8:04 PM
> Subject: blind_html [Fwd: Chili Cook-Off]
>>I like this one.
>> Nimer J
>> -------- Original Message --------
>> Subject: Chili Cook-Off
>> Date: Wed, 19 Nov 2008 19:36:45 -0800
>> From: Alan Paganelli <alanandsuzanne@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
>> Reply-To: Alan Paganelli <alanandsuzanne@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
>> To: Alan J. Paganelli <alzan@xxxxxxxxxx>
>> Chili Cook-Off
>> If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope
>> for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to
>> paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas .
>> Note: Please take time to read this slowly.. If you pay attention to the
>> first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.  For
>> those
>> of you who have lived in Texas , you know how true this is. They actually
>> have a Chili Cook-off about the time Hallo
>> ween comes around. It takes up a
>> major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park . Judge #3 was
>> an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from
>> Springfield, IL .
>> Frank: 'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
>> cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
>> happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions
>> to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the
>> other 2
>> judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and,
>> besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I
>> accepted and became Judge 3.'
>> Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
>> Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
>> Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
>> Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could
>> remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames
>> out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
>> Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
>> Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
>> seriously.
>> Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what
>> I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
>> wanted to
>> give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw
>> the look on my face.
>> Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
>> Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
>> Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels
>> like
>> I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more
>> beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is
>> in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the
>> beer.
>> Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
>> Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
>> other mild foods, not much of a chili.
>> Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
>> taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was
>> standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to
>> look HOT .. just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an
>> aphrodisiac?
>> Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
>> considerable kick. Very impress
>> ive.
>> Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit
>> the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
>> Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
>> can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed
>> paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili
>> had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring
>> beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off.
>> It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
>> Screw them.
>> Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili
>> . Good balance of spices
>> and peppers.
>> Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic.
>> Superb.
>> Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
>> sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it
>> will
>> eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except
>> that
>> Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow
>> cone.
>> Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
>> Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
>> chili
>> peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am wo
>> rried about
>> judge number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
>> uncontrollably.
>> Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
>> wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
>> like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which
>> slid
>> unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At
>> least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to
>> stop
>> breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway.
>> If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
>> Judge #
>> 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold
>> but spicy enough to declare its existence.
>> Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor
>> hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed
>> out,
>> fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if
>> he's
>> going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot
>> chili?
>> Judge # 3 - No Report
>> Regards,
>> Alan
>> Please click on:
>> <>.
>> There, you'll find files of my arrangements and performances played on
>> the Yamaha Tyros keyboard.  I often add files so check back regularly!
>> The albums in Technics  format formerly on my website are still
>> available upon request.
>> --
>> Nimer M. Jaber
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