[blind-democracy] Re: Shoulder Squeeze: Friendly gesture? or reminder of her place.

  • From: "Roger Loran Bailey" <dmarc-noreply@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> (Redacted sender "rogerbailey81" for DMARC)
  • To: blind-democracy@xxxxxxxxxxxxx, Carl Jarvis <carjar82@xxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Thu, 18 Apr 2019 21:43:53 -0400

Actually, I can't help being at least a little sympathetic toward Joe in this matter. I will say that I have never kissed the top of the head of a woman I just met. I can't say that I have ever kissed the top of the head of a woman I knew well either. That is just not a body part that ever entered my mind as being all that kissable. However, I have on occasion engaged in some of the other gestures that he is accused of. I mean an occasional shoulder squeeze, touching an arm as I was speaking, shaking hands and letting my grasp linger until the other person withdrew and things like that. I did this with both men and women, but it was probably more frequent with women. What were my intentions? One intention was no conscious intention at all. That is, it felt like just an automatic and natural thing to do and I had no thoughts concerning what I might be trying to accomplish. But secondly, when I did have a conscious intention it really was to make a friendly gesture, a way of saying I like you. I did that kind of stuff mostly when I was sighted. I had to make something of a conscious effort to stop when I became blind because I can't see what body part I am reaching for and I just might grab something that it would be hard to pass off as a friendly gesture. Still, though, I think I may still be guilty of the lingering handshake. I have also made an effort to refrain from doing that with men. I think I have detected some amount of discomfort with it from men, but not from women. Men do seem to be more uncomfortable with a lingering touch on the hand, the shoulder, the arm than women do. But I assure you that it never entered my mind that doing things like that are the equivalent of groping.

---

Christopher Hitchens
“ What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence. 

―  Christopher Hitchens,

On 4/18/2019 9:13 PM, Carl Jarvis wrote:

There's no way I can get inside another person's head.  Nor do I ever
want to.  So I have to decide what Uncle Joe meant by his "laying on
of hands" when he came up behind a woman he knew, and squeezed her
shoulders in full view of others.  Joe would want us to believe that
he is a touchy sort of guy from the old school.  People in the old
school touched more than folks seem to do today.  "Just a friendly
gesture", he would have us understand.  But the woman complained.  At
best this made it a one way friendly gesture.  I don't know what Joe
said to the complainent, but I know what I would have said.  "Please
forgive me.  I'm sorry.  It was purely thoughtless behavior on my
part. I assure you that I will not do it again."  I've mentioned
before how confused a message was sent out to us teenagers back in the
50's.  We guys wanted to do the Macho sort of thing so we'd be seen as
real men.  We lived in a time when men took the lead.  Women were
supposed to "melt in our arms".  A woman pulling back and saying,
"No!" would respond with a kiss if we just pushed a little harder.
But that was then, those days when a woman must have her husband or
father cosign for any expensive purchase she wanted to make.
Those were the days when we still looked at working women as taking a
man's job.  And on and on.  But those were the days I grew up in.
Still, it made good sense to me when women began to seriously push the
boundaries in the early 70's.
Many men stood up beside the women and supported their efforts to
achieve equality.  Many men jeered and called those men as P---y
Whipped.  They were not willing to let the girls stand shoulder to
shoulder with them.
Things got very ugly at times.  But we did finally begin to see a dim
light at the end of that long dark tunnel.  And then we put Donald
Trump in the president's office.
Remember that this is the man who promised to return America to her
former greatness.  Putting women back in the kitchen and the bedroom
is one piece of that glorious return to our former Glory.  And women
have had the right to vote for less than half of this nation's
history.  My grandmother Jarvis was in her mid 40's before women had
the vote.
So what goes through Uncle Joe's head when he comes up behind a woman
and squeezes her shoulders, may remain a mystery to us.  But we other
men should take heed to the message sent out via the woman's protest.
When in doubt, keep your hands to yourself...and that goes with your
funny comments, too.
Carl Jarvis
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