[bksvol-discuss] Re: ten validations
- From: Cindy <popularplace@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: bksvol-discuss@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Mon, 20 Jun 2005 18:19:54 -0700 (PDT)
Sarah,
I think you wrote a very good letter with a lot of
good ideas and a very nice tone.
What you said ( ... I can write
> something that I later notice is rude even when I
> thought I was taming down
> what I said to be nice..) remind me of my husband.
Sometimes he writes letters in the course of his
non-teaching university duties about things that
irritate him, and he, like you, tries to express
himself politely -- or sometimes he lets himself vent,
in a very polie way -- but knowing himself and how he
sometimes sounds, he always has me read his letters
before he sends them, and I have to either soften them
further or suggest that the comments are really
unnecessary to his point and he should take them out
-- which he does. Once he's expressed his feelings
other than to me, i.e., to the person even if it isn't
sent, he feels better and is willing to be more
politic.
Cindy
-- Sarah Van Oosterwijck <curiousentity@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
wrote:
> I am only writing this to give suggestions I find
> helpful not with the idea
> that I am any kind of expert in interpersonal
> communications, because I am
> not. I just try really hard. :-)
>
>
>
> The problem is that it is nearly impossible to hear
> what you wrote as
> someone else would hear it, because you hear how you
> meant to say it if you
> were speaking it. The reader may hear it very
> differently, and sometimes
> they will be affected by what they are thinking
> while reading and sometimes
> by the way the synthesizer reads it. They might even
> start reading
> critically because they have seen the name of the
> message's sender, who
> they have some previous issue with. Still it can be
> somewhat useful to read
> your own posts before sending, because at times you
> will find that the
> message does not really sound the way you thought it
> would when you were
> writing it. After all during the writing process you
> are just trying to get
> what you hear flying through your mind typed before
> your words and thoughts
> escape. :-)
>
>
>
> I find that if I have major concerns or am a little
> upset I can write
> something that I later notice is rude even when I
> thought I was taming down
> what I said to be nice. When I am in a lecturing
> frame of mind I will try
> to read my message with the idea of feeling how an
> easily upset person
> looking for a complaint would read it. I hope my
> results have been
> successful. :-) At least the exercise is informative
> and can help me write
> somewhat more clearly and kindly when I wish to in
> the future.
>
>
>
> When I write instructions I also try to make myself
> read them as if I was
> an easily confused person. I just remember how I
> felt the last time I was
> doing something totally new and strange to me with
> some complicated
> directions, and I try to follow my own directions as
> if I knew nothing
> about the process. Confusion and frustration caused
> by trying to do a
> great job with something new can really unbalance a
> person. I knew a lot
> about computers, and had scanned plenty before
> joining bookshare, but when
> I first started volunteering I felt a bit overwelmed
> just because it was
> something new. I wanted to produce perfect books,
> but there were so many
> people's standards to meet instead of only my own as
> it was when I just
> scanned books for my own use. Just try to remember
> that it is possible to
> feel that way and your reader might.
>
>
>
> When you are the reader of a message written by
> someone else you can always
> try to interpret what they wrote in the best
> possible light, but if you
> still find it upsetting or possibly insulting, write
> to the person who
> wrote it and tell them you would like to know what
> they meant or why they
> wrote it because it sounded . to you. There is
> sometimes something quite
> satisfying about chewing someone out in public and I
> am often tempted, but
> I know it doesn't usually do a lot of good and
> usually just creates a
> bigger mess. In this case the bookshare list is
> public and a very volatile
> public forum at that. :-)
>
>
> Now everyone feel free to write me, off list of
> course, and tell me just
> how you really felt about this message. LOL
>
> Sarah Van Oosterwijck
> Assistive Technology Instructor
> http://home.earthlink.net/~netentity
>
>
>
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