[access-uk] Re: off topic very very funny jokes

  • From: "Alistair" <alistair.kelly@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: <access-uk@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Sun, 2 May 2010 21:03:14 +0100

Hi William,

Thanks for the laugh, much appreciated!

  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: william lomas 
  To: access-uk@xxxxxxxxxxxxx 
  Sent: Sunday, May 02, 2010 5:23 PM
  Subject: [access-uk] off topic very very funny jokes

  HI all, I know if I way off-base and topic but these jokes are hillarious!!

              You really have to watch what you write...extracts from letters 
written to local councils: 

              1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow. 
              2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and 
burnt my knob off. 
              3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly 
when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage. 
              4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against 
my fence. 
              5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside 
toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off. 
              6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand? 
              7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from 
the wall. 
              8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife 
tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. 
              9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 
              10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 
50% are just plain filthy. 
              11. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers. 
              12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until 
it is cleared. 
              13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny 
colour and not fit to drink. 
              14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three 
              15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every 
morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me. 
              16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, 
which is unsightly and dangerous. 
              17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would 
like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it. 
              18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you 
please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night. 
              19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and 
satisfy my wife. 
              20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but 
I still have no satisfaction. 
              21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and 
we can't get BBC2. 
              22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back 
passage has fungus growing in it. 
              23. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I 
just can't take it any more. 




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